A couple of days before this past holiday weekend (labor day), my nephews wife, Leah chimed in on me on facebook chat. I have been chatting with Dan, but not usually Leah so I was surprised and very glad.
She asked if they could come up for a visit this weekend. I said, sure and promptly offered my brother and sisters’ place as the gathering place. My how generous of me! (smile)
They do have the nicest place, the most space, one of my neices and her family next door and oh, so importantly…the BBQ!
              
Sunday after church we all met together in Myke and Teri’s back yard. Dan and Leah came. Lynda came over to visit a moment and her husband Josh came and brought Owyn. Sadly, the girls were having dad visits this weekend (sadly for us, not for them), but we very much enjoyed Owyn, and the new kitten Buckles.
                    
Buckles is an outdoor kitty, and is used to conquering the wild. But, he was no match for Owyn! Buckles jumped up on Owyn to visit, and Owyn grabbed him by the head and neck, pulled him to his mouth and ate his face!
It was too hilarious! He ended up having Buckles by the ears and after the first few photos, I realized I really needed to rescue Buckles! Owyn had half his face in his mouth and when I pulled the kitty back from him, his face and especially his eye was soaked in baby slobber. I made sure that Buckles would be alright, and then felt free to bust up laughing.
           
Needless to say, Buckles sat with his little back to us for quite some time as he bathed. He should have bathed Owyn, too. Owyn had all the dirt from the outdoor kitty blended in with baby drool on his face and tummy. But, oh how happy this baby was.
             
In tribute to Buckles, he never once scratched or bit the baby, and didn’t even try. Not even when half his face was in baby boy’s mouth and Aunt Shelley was snapping digital pictures.

It is obvious from the pictures that the two babies were the center of attention the entire visit, about 6 and a half to seven hours of backyard catching up time. But we did very much enjoy seeing Dan and Leah and the visit was wonderful! We are all looking forward toseeing them more often now. So glad to see you kids!
            
And, notably, Uncle Myke (Owyn’s grandpa) was up to BBQ-ing for us, and the burgers were yummy! Myke is still on dialysis 3 days a week, and was standing on a broken foot to cook for us. He has had this broken foot since May, and is to have a cast in 2 days from now. Don’t even ask me how I feel about all of this!
Owyn in PaPa’s bobber shaped floating ice chest!

     

 

But, tonight was prayer night at their house, with Gene and I coming over to pray with them. Their granddaughters came in, the oldest prayed over her PaPa’s foot and we all felt a change in it. It was the sweetest prayer I have ever heard. She asked God to heal him of all the need for special diets so she could take him to lunch!
Tears in Aunt Shelley and Grammy’s eyes. Such a sweet girl!

We love you, Kaitlyn Rose!

I so wish the girls were there for the family gathering and the BBQ. They are so fun to have around. I love each one of Lynda’s girls for who they are and what they bring to the family times. I missed them!

A Dear friend of mine emailed me to get my blog address so she could read this story again. I realized as I was looking through my blog that I didn’t have this story here, I had it posted in a note on facebook. This post, starting with the words The Good News is written by Larry Grammer, my good friend, and is shared with permission. It has had such an impact on so many who have read it, that I have decided to share it here with you.

I hope it touches your life as it has mine.  ShelleyJo

The Good News,

My friend Mitch told me this is a story the should be shared. So I share this hoping to lift the spirits of those who wonder ” Does God REALLY know ME or MY circumstances, or does he even CARE?” You decide… I have as of this date 30 years, 8 months and19 days of being Clean and Sober. I say that, to say this… About fifteen years ago I felt I should start a Twelve Step Program. With the program based on Biblical principals. Using Jesus as the Higher Power etc. I found a church that would let me use a room at no cost, and set up shop for every Tuesday evening at 7pm. As AA always starts at 8pm, I wouldn’t overlap with them. So, my first Tues.evening meeting, I set up the room, stand at the door and wait for all of the people that will surely come. Thinking “This is going to be GREAT, I wonder how many 20,30?” 8:15pm comes and I realize NO ONE is coming. OK well, I’ll just print more handouts etc. Next week they will come. I did this with the same results for two months. Had I really been wrong ? Had I not heard God correctly ? I felt like a fool. I cant for the life of me remember HOW I met “ZIGGY” ( His Street name) But I do know that I met him with all this new knowledge, from the past two months. Over the next few weeks, we built up some trust, I brought him home. which was a little scary by the way, with 5 children at home, Took him to church and became his Sponsor. I also took over his finances for him. Shortly thereafter we found him an apartment and kind of settled in. We made it just over 12 months before Ziggy “Fell of the wagon” So we picked him up, dusted him off and went for it again. This lasted about a week and it was ALL downhill after that. He went back on the street. I went to his rescue a few times. I even went to a house and took a gun from him one evening. I saw him a few times during the next few years, just to say hi in passing. Then he was gone..Now forward to 6 days ago. I pick up the morning paper and on the front page is a story about Ziggy falling ill at the City Plaza. A Policeman had preformed CPR and kept him alive until medics had arrived. He has been hospitalized at the local hospital. That evening after work I went to the hospital , Coronary care ICU…told the nurse our story and was allowed to go to him. There Ziggy was, tubes everywhere. On a ventilator. I stood there thinking of all we had been thru, Of how that could of been me very easily, had I not made some different choices. I thought I should say something, after all they say people in a coma” hear.” Then I felt the Lord say “Its ALL been said, say Nothing” So I turned around and left. I checked on him everyday thereafter, With no good news. Then this last Sunday, Ziggy passed away, never waking up. Needless to say It was hard, I had this heavyness about me. It was numbing, No feelings and lots of feelings. I had lost the battle for ziggy’s life. I had failed. As I sat here in my recliner last night, my wife Suzanne came in from a prayer class she had just attended and said she had some news for me. She said a lady at the class had come up to her and asked if her husband was grieving, or had just lost someone. She said yes and the ladies reply has ROCKED MY WORLD. Her reply was ” The Lord wants your husband to know that ZIGGY (NO ONE at that meeting knew his streetname) is with Me. I LOVE him and he is Happy. Tell your husband that the SEEDS he planted many years ago DID NOT fall on fallowed ground ” So there you go. The answere is YES he DOES CARE, and He knows ALL abut what you are going thru. Even to plan years in advance for us. So let it be said….GOD IS GREAT…Love you guys…..Larry

                                                                                 

I have had this idea for years, possibly 15-20 years now, but have never seen the opportunity to try it before.      

It really gelled about 15 years ago when a dear friend moved to another state. She had a computer that she watched DVD’s on, but I didn’t have a computer yet, and didn’t have a DVD player either. I had a VCR, though. 

I remember thinking, too bad we don’t have the same type of player so we can both watch the same movie at the same time! I didn’t think DVD and VCR would be in sync, so I never brought it up.  I really missed her. We didn’t actually watch movies together, or even go to the show, but when she was so far away I thought it would be a great way to share time together. Then there was the issue  of how to communicate when we were starting the movie and how to actually share it together.

After this, the thought came to me occasionally when I would think of one of my sister-in-laws who lives a couple of states away from me. We weren’t really getting as close as others because of distance, and neither household had enough money to visit.

Much time has passed since my original thoughts of all of this, and it dawned on me last week that things have changed for so many of us. We have computers with social networking, online chats, cell phones, text messaging, and we all have DVD players now! Hmmm.

So, late last week when this sister-in-love (we are sisters by love, not by law),  and I were chatting online, she mentioned that my baby brother was going out of town to go to a game with their pastor. They were going to spend some much needed “guy time”, so the women of the house were not invited this time. My sister said that she and my niece had thought they might watch a chick flick since he would be gone all evening the next day.                                                              

I asked her which chick flick they would watch. She said maybe the Princess Diaries, since that was one they had on hand and enjoyed so much. I told her about my idea and said, let me know when you are going to watch it! I will watch it with you from here. Then, I explained the plan.    

The next evening we were in a chat again, and I asked when they were going to watch it. She said my niece wasn’t in the mood at the time, and we can chat for hours. So I said, we don’t have to stay on chat. We can click out of here any time we want and watch the movie.       

So, plans were made. We both had Princess Diaries, we would both pop popcorn to eat while watching and set up something to drink, then plug the  movie in, watch the neccessary previews and stop it at the beginning of the actual movie intro. Then text the other and say we were ready.

I text her and said I was ready. A few moments later she said she was too, so we clicked play and texted our comments about it. Throughout the movie we would send a text about our reactions to what we were seeing, and we were in complete sync in each of our houses. 

We both love Joe!                           

 

We love Fat Louie, especially in his crown and on his pillow! 

I actually texted a couple of my favorite lines or quotes so that I would remember them later.

One was a conversation between Joe and Mia when her friend was rough on her for changing her appearance:   

Joe: No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.                                                        

Mia: Eleanor Roosevelt said that.      

Joe: Another fine lady such as yourself.                    

And:

We both loved the voice of Mia’s father, and the message he left for her in a letter. I love the diary he left her for her 16 birthday, and the heart locket that was the key for it. I would love to have such a lovely diary.

 The message he wrote her contained the following: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. From now on, you’ll be traveling the road between who you think you are, and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

We both text the lines we enjoyed. “Goodbye, Trolly People! “        was a fav of mine.              

I loved the lines by the Von Tukens: “Someday we will own Genovia again, and you will be queen. And your face will be on a postage stamp.”  

Another line I enjoyed was the toast to the Von Tukens: : “I want to propose a toast to the baron and baroness Von Tuken. May you always be barren!”

One conversation between Joe and Mia was cute.  He was getting ready to teach her to dance, and he was explaining that the dance was between a waltz and a tango. She said, “It’s a wango?”

Another favorite moment of ours was when Mia steps on the grass visiting grandma, and over the speakers they yell, “Get off the grass!” in several languages, some quite hysterically.

There is a moment where Mia is having training to waive as a Princess, and Joe leaves. As he is leaving, they both waive and say, “Thank you for being here today!”

I enjoy Mia’s artist mother, and love the scenes of them climbing the rock wall, with all of it’s colors. I want to lose enough weight to be able to climb a rock wall. It looks like so much fun, and I do love climbing.

We would text some “here it comes, watch for it!” type of comments, as we have seen it a few times before.  We laughed a lot and enjoyed the movie together, even though we were 2 states away from each other. So funny, but it really was like being together. It was great!  When it was over, we said goodnight and said how much fun we had.          

I suggested that we take inventory of the movies we already own, then put a star by the ones we favor the most currently, the ones we would like to see again sometime soon. Email the lists to each other and mark ”same movies”, pull them to the front of our collection so they are ready to view in a moment’s notice. We don’t always have enough warning that we can have girl-time, so it would be great to have those ready. Or, if she has one I haven’t seen yet, and I know enough ahead, I could rent it for an evening.     

With me having been laid off recently, and my brother losing hours, this was a wonderful solution for entertainment and company! (We both are with the same cell phone company, so no cost for calls, and we each have text plans that allow for this kind of evening once in a while.)  

I do have some friends this wouldn’t fly with. They want to be with you, or in a theater. Some family members are always so busy I am not sure it would work with them, either, but it may. Our trial showed it not only works, it works on the spur of the moment, and is also great fun!  

I highly recommend trying this to anyone who cares to read this post. It can be adapted by using laptops if you have them (I don’t yet) and private chat, or calling on the phone instead of texting, whatever works for you and your movie buddy.      

                                                    

                                                                                              

              

         

    

The other night, while chatting on facebook, I noticed some of my friends had taken a quiz called Who is your Disney twin? Looked fun, so I took it! Here is my result…

                                                                                      

Shelley took the quiz “Who is Your Disney Twin?!!” and got the result: Snow White!

You are very trusting and naïve. You need to watch out for yourself for if you don’t it will lead to danger. In real life, no kiss on the lips could save your… life. Your only enemies are people who are jealous of your beauty and talents. You are neat, clean, and a good cook. And every one who knows you loves you.

 

Which brought me to the flashback I am having now. I thought I would share with you.

When I was growing up, we didn’t do many movies. It was a luxury we just couldn’t afford, so we made our own fun.

I had friends who never let a week go by without seeing at least one movie, and they couldn’t deal with my lack of knowledge and experience in the movie and music world.

When I was 24, the original movie, Snow White came back to theaters. And it came to our town! So, I gathered up my change and begged my oldest brother, Michael to come with me. (My honey, Gene doesn’t like to go to movies, and he hates animated movies.) Myke agreed to be my movie date and we went to see this movie that I had heard so much about. I hadn’t read the story, either so it was a still a mystery to me.

(Until then, I had seen perhaps a total of 5 movies in theaters, so it was still quite exciting!)

When we got there, I started to set my change can on the counter, and Myke told me to put it away. He seemed embarassed or something. smile. The young lady in the ticket booth said, “One child, and one adult.” What? I laughed and said, “I am an adult” and promptly told her my age. My brother was pinching me as if to say, “shut up!”

So, he paid for 2 adult tickets and we went inside. Sorry Mykie!

The thing I am realizing now is that I was uncomfortable with her naivete and innocence. It was just too close to home. I was like that until later in life, and still can be. So naive, gullible sometimes and far too trusting. I just want so much for everything to be nice and uncomplicated.  It brought a lot of pain and bad situations into my life. My brothers had a few nicknames for me based on how they felt about this fine trait in their little sister. Don’t go there.

And no, we will not discuss the movie’s short little men!

The thing I remember most in this movie is the nasty witch with the cursed apple!

Don’t do it! Don’t bite the apple! Haven’t you heard of Eve? It can’t come to any good. Trust me.

sigh!

She bit it.

Yet another lovely lady bites it and pays the price.

Darned apples!

Last night, Teri (my sister-in-love) sent me a text message asking if I was available to get together today. I sent one back asking what she felt like doing, since a few minutes before she had just gotten in from a week long Alaskan cruise.

She suggested lunch and figuring out what else to do later. Sounded good to me.

Today, she picked me up at just past noon-thirty and we were off! She turned to me and asked where I wanted to go for lunch. Anything was fine with her as she was hungry. She had spent the morning cleaning her house.

She gave me her souveneir gift to me, some beads from Alaska…and beautiful, focal type ones. Very special.

I said, I could go for a couple of places and named them. Then I said, of course, you could get something to take the edge off your hunger and we could go to Red Robin in a neighboring town for a burger. A few times a year we go together and split a cheese burger and fries. The best in the area, and the most wonderful service.                                                                                                                                                                                                             

                                                                   

She turned to me with her eyes suddenly shining brightly and turned toward the highway onramp. And we were on our way to Yuba City. We had a good ride, and I heard about her time on the cruise. Fun enough at times, but not great. Her mom has alzheimers and this was the last trip with her. It was a tough time overall. Not only that, but Teri had motion sickness for days and her medication and bracelet didn’t help her.

We were at Red Robin, ordered the usual and had a very wonderful waitress and yummy food! Teri picked up the tab. We usually split the bill. She had money left from her trip, so she treated.

Then, we headed to the next town over the bridge and I knew where we were heading. . . to Teri’s favorite scrapbook store! The closer we get to Christmas, the more frequent these trips will become. She makes calendars for her parents every year with pictures she takes of her grandchildren on each month. She does a great job! We went in to see if they have new stock, and they sure did! New season. New paper. As we went through, Teri would pick up a sheet of paper and give it to me. Then stickers of watermelon slices  (I love watermelon!) then another sheet of some paper or other. She knows my project, the kind of paper I need and colors I am looking for, which until now were unavailable. She noticed that the calendars she uses were available and picked up a couple.

We went up to pay for our things, and she took mine and paid for it, too. I was so tickled because it was spontaneous, like our day was. And, the new items were for my sister!!! We sure do love her! Later, when I have things pretty well done, and photos to share, I will blog on my projects for family this year.

When we left there and were heading back over the bridge, we were happy girls. Relaxed and feeling fine with our happy tummies and our treasures.

Then, I noticed that she made another “ritual” turn, as if we were on our pilgrimage. She turned toward the local sonic in the town we had lunch in. We were all smiles. We pulled in and I ordered a limeaid, and she asked if they had chocolate ice cream. They did not, so she ordered an M&M sonic blast. It is soft serve ice cream with M&M’s blended into it, and topped with whipped cream, served in a cup.

I took out my cell phone and set it to camera. As I can expect, she posed for me!

She loves the stage and a photo op.

The last time she had this treat, she took a bite and said, “this ice cream is different. It is wierd, not as thick. Here try it. So, she gave me a taste and I looked at the cup, then at her and smiled. I said, “tastes and feels kind of like whipped cream.” She got the clue and it was hilarious! She had forgotten that it came with whipped cream on top. When she dug down with her spoon, all was well. So funny! We remembered that today and she made comments about the whipped cream on top.

We had a liesurely trip back to town and stopped at her place. She loaned me a big, hardback book she thinks I will like and we picked up her little grand daughter and brought her with us to take Aunt Shelley home.

She had remembered my traditional gift to Gene when I travel, fudge from the area I was in. She brought Gene fudge from the Alaskan Fudge Co. It is yummy! I had a nip when I cut it for him.

A fun and relaxing time today, and we both needed it. I hope it lifted her up as much as it did me. I missed her while she was gone. And Teri, I love the nails. So pretty!

Again, Our Great God knows our needs, and even honors our desires. His love transforming our friendship is astounding. His love in our lives is abounding. Though we are tired, feeling crushed and for me, as if I have been laid waste,  His love and generous kindness is overshadowing all of the trials. Our Great God is just that Great, even in the smallest things.

OMG! You would think I could get a simple thing that most of the world has caught on to a long time ago.

Yesterday, I decided it was time to go to high speed internet and went in to talk to someone at Verizon about it. They have this really neat little gadget that you plug in to your hard drive on your desk top or lap top and you can go online without a phone line. So, I decided that would be the deal for me, since I want to move the computer into the spare room, which doesn’t have a phone jack.

I figured I was understanding the kid enough, and went home and installed the program, plugged in the little gadget and then Internet Explorer kicks in! I was thinking it would be Verizon, so I kind of went, “huh?”. Then, it used Comcast as the default website (what?), and I have never used Comcast before. I was afraid Comcast would charge me for unauthorized use, so I unplugged it. Get outa Dodge! LOL!

Then, I went to the Verizon advertizing page, and went to try the internet from their site. It gave me high speed and I had a ball! It is so much faster than my AOL has been, as most would figure.

Today, just for fun, I went back in to Verizon to ask how to sign up an email address on Verizon. I was thinking it would be like my family’s AT&T hi speed, where you email them at whomever@ATT.whatever. Nope! No wonder I couldn’t find it! They don’t have such a thing. It is just like an engine to run the hi speed but you have to have separate email.

I’ve noticed that several of my friends, including Diane have gmail and I logged on to Google and signed up for gmail. (cool site, btw.) I also set Google as my default web search engine so I don’t have to freak out about Comcast. ;O) 

The kid (today’s kid) explained that they wouldn’t charge me since it is still functioning under the little gadget for Verizon. Huh?

Oh, well. I was doing it right. I just didn’t realize how different the internet system works these days. SO different than the fossil AOL. Sigh! LOL! I should have recognized when I was doing it right. Too funny. Not a techy. (How DO you spell that, anyway?)

Perhaps I should go back to mailing letters in the mail?

So much to learn, so little brain.

sigh! You still humble me, Lord!

Moo!                                         

Okay, Diane! You just made me face up to something I have recently been saying about myself. And, man! Is it uncomfortable to voice!

I am a food addict! Yikes!!!!

Okay, now I’ve got that out in the open. And, it doesn’t feel any better. Moving on then…

I saw a picture Diane posted on her blog, the one of the glass of milk with the Oreo cookie in it. Too yummy. I have been craving anything and everything that is not in the house (I am trying to watch my blood sugar levels and behave myself). Today, I have wanted cookies since breakfast!

Do you want to know the funny part? I’m not as “into” cookies as I am other things, and I don’t care much for drinking milk. And, I really don’t like wet food, so I am NOT a dunker! LOL! Shouldn’t have even tempted me, but sure enough it looks SOOOO good.  

Here’s the thing. I am not the same type of food addict as some, where you binge on too much in a sitting, eat constantly, focus on food all the time, or drive from one place to another to keep eating whatever you haven’t had yet. I do have a reasonable appetite as far as quantity in a sitting goes.

My personal addiction with food is that I eat what I want, the thing that sounds, smells or looks good to me. So, if I see a commercial, picture or smell a scent that is wonderful, then that is what I want. Too often I get what I want, and sometimes I get it when I want it.

At the moment, my help is coming from a too-tight budget, so there isn’t an option to have things in the house that I shouldn’t be eating. I have to decide what to put the money on, so I am careful about the decisions I make in the grocery store, which ultimately helps the eating habits.

Truthfully, if it weren’t for the money right now, I would have juice bars, and drum stick ice cream in the freezer, and cookies and chips in the pantry. Once they are there, though it is not like I have to eat them until they are gone. Not like they call my name at all times. More like, if that is what I want, then I go get a little of it. It even stops me at times from grabbing something while out. I know I have this good stuff at home and I should just come home and have that if I want something.

So, as I am thinking of making a cookie run today, I see the cookie and milk picture and, almost simultaneously, my honey comes in and says we are out of milk and will I please go to the store for some tonight! I decided to watch The Biggest Loser first. LOL! O, yeah. Like that is going to help. Honestly, I have wanted cookies all day, before seeing the picture.

As a teen, my favorite Sesame Street character (yes, I started watching that as a senior in high school) was the cookie monster. Today, he is talking to me.

Alright then. Can anyone say, Cookies?

Hi, Diane 

The doctor agreed with me that I need an additional medication for the diabetes, and it is taken along with my other one. The first day was wonderful and it worked very well. Today, I am more tired and it is a bit overwhelming to my system. I am hoping this levels out soon. I want to stay on it and still be safe to drive! Also, I am to have iron levels checked, thyroid levels along with labs and gallbladder sonagram, as well as x-rays of my entire back and hips, knees and ankles. I am starting to sound like Gene now, huh? And of course, the annual girlie stuff which I have put off for over a year now. LOL! 

My blood sugar levels started spiking higher than they ever have, even when I was exercising and eating better. So, now I am on the medication, and really watching very carefully every single thing I eat, what I eat it with, how much of what, etc. Ugh! I hate thinking so much about food. I would much rather just be impulsive. LOL! Anyway, the A1c is a level that shows 2-3 months of highs and lows, and mine was higher than it has ever been, which is really something to be concerned about.

Also, my heart murmur has kicked up very nicely, thank-you, but I think it is the pain, blood sugar and the several infections I have had since Spring. Just doesn’t help matters any at all. Doesn’t help the blood sugar levels, either, and they don’t help me heal. I seem to feel wiped out most of the time, and I am the sole supporter now, so I must stay up and moving, you know? I have had a heart murmur since birth, so it does not alarm me, though it is good to know when things change.

Teri and I are planning to start moving stuff from the spare room Saturday, and I know she will want it all transferred over the same day, so please, please pray I am up to the challenge. It is a HUGE task and there are only the two of us to do it, stairs and all. Yikes! That room and all the stuff always overwhelm me, anyway. I know I can do it. I just have to convince myself of that by Saturday morning. ;o)

Gene’s doctor appointment went well yesterday. He has gained 20 pounds back, and it is muscle and not fat, so that is great. He is ready to consider the hip surgery now. He looks 10 years younger than a month ago. I have been giving him a good protein shake to mix up each day and it is helping him gain weight the right way, as well as giving him some good overall strength. Poor guy is in so much pain all the time, and, as you know, there are only so many pain meds you can deal with.

I am very grateful we are both as well as we are, I still have my job and benefits and wonderful friends! God is good, very good.

I love you lots, and am still praying for you. We will walk soon. I will shoot for this coming week, okay? Need time to get through this challenge and recover!

Wow! What a way to start a day.

I woke to Gene’s voice telling me it was 5:55 a.m. I looked at my phone and saw that it was really 5:57 a.m.. I am scheduled to be a work at 5:55 a.m.  Before this announcement from my husband, I have no recall of anything since I went to bed at 12:15 this morning.

I shot out of bed, adrenaline pumping and rushed to the bathroom. I did what I needed to do within 1 minute, then washed my hands, tossed water on my face and rushed to the living room where my clothes were laid out ready for the morning. I got dressed in a minute, ran to the fridge and tossed prepped foods into my breakfast bag, grabbed a bottled water, my purse and keys and ran out the door. I combed my hair and applied deoderant while driving. Every traffic signal was red, but turned green quickly when I got there. Very unusual. God was with me, for sure.

When I parked the car in the parking lot, I dropped my water bottle and it rolled under the car! I didn’t bother to try to get it. I was at work, across town, and checked in at 6:10 a.m.!  So, in 12 minutes from being awakened I was dressed and at work. I was only 10 minutes late to the first stop on my route, so that was awesome!

I had a good morning shift, but felt grimey. I never leave the house without the morning shower, shampoo, etc. Just past half way through the morning, at one of the centers I washed my face in the bathroom with hand soap. Now THAT is desperate. I know what goes on in there! Scary!

When I got off from the first shift, I went home, and did some things I needed to get done, then showered and shampooed, styled my hair, changed to fresh clothes and laid on the bed for 10 minutes before returning to work. I listened to Nancy Griffith on my Zune and sang along so I wouldn’t go completely to sleep. LOL! Gene was fishing with my brother, Myke so I was not wanting a repeat of the morning.

The afternoon went very well and I had a good day overall.

The funniest thing was that when I drove in to the parking lot at work, my bottled water was lying where it had rolled. With all the traffic in and out of there, plus my own exit that morning, it is amazing that it was not flattened, and wasn’t even scratched. Just dirty from the ground.

The wierd thing is that I never can just wake up and get right up without feeling discumbuberated all day. Today, I was able to keep from that. Perhaps it was God’s mercy, perhaps adrenaline. But I am glad.

Wildness! Drama! Action!

I feel more wiped out today on the new med, and a bit off kilt, like it is overwhelming me. There is a sense that I could get dizzy, but don’t. I have almost blurred vision, but not quite. I really want this med to work, and to be able to stay on it. I pray to level on this. I need something to help me so desperately. I have to have good blood sugar levels in order to pass the driver physical for work at the end of winter. Not to mention I would like to be in good health.

I did have a chat with the new supervisor, who didn’t even know that I was late. I felt I should just be honest and say it, yet ask him to give me time to adjust to all the health stuff and meds for now. He was fine with that, and even glad that my blood sugar levels are improving already. Nice guy. Loves the Lord AND cares about His people. We will see what happens if and when the boss finds out I was that late. I will just take it as it comes.

sigh! You STILL humble me, Lord!

A post script to this story: Gene told me that evening that he had heard my alarm go off 2 separate times, which would be right. I have it set to go off 15 minutes apart in case I accidentally dismiss the first one. (LOL!) He also said he asked me to give the cat her insulin shot that morning. He has such a hard time getting out of bed due to his pain. Apparently I answered him and said yes! I suspect I never woke up at any of these time, the dismissing of both alarms and the conversation. I must have wanted sleep badly enough to just do all this while sleeping! Talk about a multi-tasker!                                                                        LOL! Note to self: get to bed early enough to get sleep!!!

I received a phone call from my sister-in-law, Teri a couple of hours ago. She was taking Myke back in to the ER. He was showing symptoms of CHF (congestive heart failure) again. He has been diagnosed with it, but it is one that I want to say is bogus. He is also a brittle diabetic, has kidney disease, has had heart attacks and lung problems from years of smoking. He is trying to quit smoking now. There are other conditions as well, but these are the most serious, keeping us at the hospital all too frequently.

After being there for over 2 hours, they decided to take him back home, pray over him and do what they have learned to do for this condition themselves, hoping he is over this by morning.

There are many very serious emergencies at the hospital tonight, and they would have had a very long wait.

Please pray for Myke and Teri for healing, peace, strength and rest…and whatever else you feel led to pray for them. This has gone on so long.

(Please also pray for those going through such tragic emergencies and for the hospital staff. There weren’t enough of them to go around tonight, and it was early in the evening for a Friday.)

I am so thankful for the miracles God has showered them with, including the one 2 weeks ago. He was on a respirator and fighting for his life one day, and within a couple of hours was off the respirator, out of ICU and in a room! The very next day he was released to go home. God is so good.

God is a God of miracles, and I am praying for more for this family until health is restored completely. Enough is enough!

I feel so good and happy this evening. I am in awe of how wonderful it is to have good family and friends rally to you when you are down or in need.

Last night, Diane and her mom, Linda came by and brought up some empty boxes for me to use in the project ahead, packing up my belongings and taking them to my sister-in-law’s to store there and sort through. Then the stuff I want to keep will be re-packed and brought back upstairs and organized in a better way. This way the spare room will be more usable and less like a garage or storage space. I want to have my computer desk in there, and a twin bed.

My real hope is that when this is done there will be a downstairs place available for us to move to. One that doesn’t have anyone living upstairs over the top of us. RIght now we are in an upstairs apartment and it is getting hard on us, both of us but especially Gene.

Today was the day that Teri and I had planned to start emptying the once-dreaded spare room, which is now becoming the blessed spare room. LOL!

I have been quite ill, and not responding well to a new med, so it was quite an undertaking just to agree to this effort. Yesterday, I was so tired I could barely find my voice. But every time I am in the mood to deal with this room, something happens to knock me back, or even flat and I decided that is enough of that! I chose to not give myself an out, like a work day. It worked. Plus, when help is offered to this degree, I do not want to let it get by me.

I took good care of business with my health, slept in this morning until 9:00 and then got going. Gene and I did laundry, then I showered and dressed and Teri took me to the lab for my fasting blood work. Then we went to a place I really like for lunch. I can choose the stuff to put in my salad and not worry about food allergies. We both ordered something I hadn’t had before, and it was good but too salty. Her fries were soggy and coated in paprika. She is like me, not into seasoned fries. It always makes me sad when I recommend a place and then it is not up to what I expected. The salad was great. We ate what we could and got to work. She even paid for her own lunch! Talk about free help. We didn’t have to pay for the gas for the truck either. This whole thing was a free gift!

Teri had me take full boxes and bags from the spare room (lots of file boxes full of stuff) and bring them out to the living room. Then she grabbed them and carried them downstairs to the truck and loaded the bed up. By the time I was feeling like I needed a break, she came in and told me that there was only room for one or two more boxes in the truck! This was a full sized pick-up so I felt quite happy about it. There was stuff behind the seat in the cab as well, so it was a full load.

We took it to her place and she backed the truck in by the door and we had it all loaded into her place in 5 minutes or so. It was so much easier on the ground level.

We came back and did about a fourth of a load more, then had to quit due to her having plans. I poured us some drinking water and we refreshed ourselves and did the last load. It was just right, strength wise. As long as she was willing to work, I kept pushing myself so we could power through as much as possible. I did have a few times of chest pain and other symptoms, but leaned on the wall a moment and it would pass. I just didn’t let it stop me from working.

I did have some times of feeling like a burden, or like I wasn’t pulling my share of the load, especially since this was all for me. Teri reminded me that I did a lot for the condition I am in. It is so humbling to be so weak. I said I couldn’t keep up with her. She said she couldn’t keep up with me. This was so funny, and I laughed and reminded her that she did all the trips up and down the stairs and all I had to do was move the stuff from one room to another and then from the truck to the house. LOL! She sure did burn a lot of calories, though. She earned that ice cream sundae she has been wanting for a few weeks.

I actually strengthened as we worked and felt less ill. My blood sugar still didn’t come down to normal, but it was better than the last 2 days, so I was happy about that, too.

We did at least half that room, which is a huge amount of the burden lifted off of me. The rest is stuff that will have to be sorted and packed up to take over. I will work on that this week. Reminds me of a song, “My chains fell off”.

The funny thing was the sight of it in the room we put it into. It looks like this tiny little stack of stuff in a corner, and not much at all. Big room. It did put things in to perspective for me, though. When the huge amount of stuff is taken out of the little room we have and put into a big room in a house, it becomes a little amount of stuff. I don’t feel as bad now for accumulating that amount of stuff. We just don’t have space for it. It isn’t really that much after all these years. We have lived here for 26 and a half years, and been together for 28, so I am not going to beat myself up for this anymore, just get it down to an amount we can handle where we live.

While I am on this project, I am going to gut the closets and pantry in the rest of the place and make it a total clearing. Just let go of the stuff, ShelleyJo. You won’t even miss most of it. If something matters a lot to me or is very sentimental, I will take digital photos to keep. I should have taken photos of the room before, so the after photos would mean something to those who haven’t seen it. LOL! Who wants a clean house? Oh, pick me! I do, I do!

We enjoyed each other’s company and I was amazed at how much she got done and how quickly. I stand in awe. She is quite a hard worker and very fast. She has a good attitude, too. You don’t get the feeling that you are going to have to pay up or owe her anything down the road, and she is definitely not a whiner. She doesn’t lord it over you or make you feel less than her, either. I am impressed and she gets a star. It is nice to find how well we still work together. No power/control struggles or fussing. Just agreeing on a plan and working as a team. Thanks, Teri! You are a treasure.

Warning!

Oh, honey. NOW you have hit my button.

This is my heartbeat.
 
You know, when I would speak in California on Love Your Neighbor, I found that the real message was Love One Another, since we are not doing it. I also found that people weren’t ready for that message yet. Not the way I was sharing it, anyway.

What I kept asking at the meetings and workshops was this, if we have a baby and bring it home, will it want to live here? Will it run away? Will it become homeless? Will it be neglected, abused, abandoned, rejected?
It is one thing to introduce someone to Christ. It is another to bring them to church.

You’ve told them about their wonderful oldest brother, Jesus and about their amazing Papa, but what will they see when they come “home”. Will they find Him there?

If all they see of their new family is jealousy, competition, gossip, fighting and feuding, lack of forgiveness, no mercy, no kindness or thoughtfulness, selfishness and the same sins as the world walks in, why would they want to stay? What are we teaching them as they grow, anyway? To read the Bible and not live it? To be like us, little clones of us but not resembling their Father?

We tend, as a church to want to make others clones of ourselves, dress this way, talk this way, don’t do this, do that, learn the language, etc. The truth is, Jesus was the express image of His Father, so we could see and know the Father! Shouldn’t we be the same? As we know Jesus, and take the time with Him, shouldn’t we be increasingly like our Papa? Shouldn’t the world be able to taste and see that the Lord is good when they are with us? Jesus is the bread of life, and we are His body. So, Bite Me!!! :O)

We are to bear fruit, and fruit is sweet. Our babies should be in an environment to grow in sweetness and safety all through their lives. We are also to BE fruit (Gal. 5.)

A church, like a family is filled with all sorts of people, of many ages and developmental stages, talents, gifts, personalities and life experiences. So, you can have an infant, a toddler, pre-schooler, kindergardener, grammer school aged, tween, teen, adults, seniors all at the same time. You will have one burping up on you, messing it’s pants, wetting, and cooing and another pinching, biting, pulling hair, another tantruming, crying, mouthing off, refusing to do what is asked, another shadowing you and imitating everything you do and say, another challenging you to your face, another locking themselves in their room and refusing to come out, one who seems to live to torment the others, one running away, one learning skills like learning to cook or drive, all at the same time! And the list goes on.

Additionally, in the body of Christ, we also have people of all ages and personalities in spiritual matters and responses, so we are definitely the more interesting family to deal with. People come to us from life, and already have their own peronsality traits, temperaments, wounds, habits, belief systems – paradigms- filters of how they hear and see and interpret that, philosophies, family situations, etc. Then, they come into new life and have to learn a whole other way of living, which takes stages of development just like a natural life does. Plus, they have this HUGE family, and a new Father who thinks like no one else does. What is THAT about?

Some develop faster and everyone seems to love them more, yet many lack character and maturity with that. Gets kind of messy. Interestingly, the world expects more of us and judges us more harshly. They don’t understand that we have the double-whammy of family on us -both physical and spiritual. But, we should be understanding that ourselves, shouldn’t we? Right!

We tend to hurt each other more than we know. But the wonderful gift to us is a special thing God instructed us in. It is called forgiveness. If we will walk in this, and I don’t mean the phony stuff of saying the words and not intending it in your heart, we will be healed of our hurts and set others free at the same time.
The thing about forgiveness is that it is NOT natural. It is spiritual and goes against everything we feel and want to see happen!

It is not about us. It is about the big picture. Daddy’s house. It is a deliberate choice and act. It is an exercise in liberty. Give it up to God in obedience even though you don’t feel it or want it, and it sure doesn’t make sense.

Keep doing it, like exercise and eventually you will start thinking like your Papa and releasing it more gladly. One day you will find yourself weeping for these people and wanting God to bless them and work in their lives for their prospering. You will want them in heaven right with you. When that happens, you have forgiven and are so free nothing can bring back the old responses.
When the church gets this, forgivenss, mercy, kindness, tenderheartedness, patience, LONGSUFFERING, love, then joy and peace are with us, too and the world will be beating down our doors.

Our differences are built in us to help refine us and complete us as people and as a body. No one is all things. We need each other.
So, we should appreciate those things that are not things we have in us, understand, or naturally gravitate to in others. I have found that many of my best and dearest friends in the body are those whom we have had to hammer out relationship with, and I mean for years, even decades. They are my greatest treasures and allies, my true friends.

My greatest regrets are the things I have said along the way about people, and what I have said to them. You can never take your words back, so be careful with them.

Hang in there with each other. Forgive and pray for one another. Many physical illnesses will leave us when we live this way, and when others respect us, too.

I believe some of what we go through physically is because there is so much biting of each other with our words and mouths. The things we say have life, and I am trying to be so much more careful now of my mouth.  Jesus said to be careful lest we bite and devour one another. That is cannibalizm! Ugly, yes?

Could it be that the sister or brother you gripe about because they are always sick/weak are just being eaten for lunch? Could it because we are holding them hostage with unforgiveness? Could it be because they are doing the same to others? Hmmm.

John 20:23 “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” (Now THIS is scary, isn’t it? I, personally don’t want to be standing in front of Jesus and learn that someone didn’t make it because their sins were retained on my account and kept God’s hand from moving. I really truly want Jesus to have everything and everyone He paid for! I love Him. I want Him to have all He should have, and that is everything and EVERYONE, absolutely everyone. I don’t want to cause His tears as He is sending someone away that He loves so much He died for, just because they did something to me or someone I love and I couldn’t forgive through it all.)

John 20:19-23 The first thing after Jesus was risen, and appeared to the frightened apostles He came and stood in their midst, spoke peace to them, showed them his scars, spoke peace again, sent them, gave them the Holy Spirit and immediately said to forgive (verse 23 above). It looks to me to be of great priority.

Matt. 6:14, 15. (For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will aslo forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their tespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”) … Ouch! (Even More scary.)

Matt. 7: 1-6 (Judging one another -picture an eye surgeon coming at you with planks cjutting out of his eyes, groping and having a sharp thing in his hand to operate on your eyes! Uh, I don’t think so!)

Matt. 18 15-20 (if your BROTHER…) This obviously is for family and verse 18 says we can bind up or loose  what we agree together on, and it is in relation to offenses in the family!

Matthew 18: 21-34 (my BROTHER..and I forgive…) this whole chapter expresses the heart of the Father on humility, offenses, forgiveness and respect.

2 Cor. 2:10 (When one of us forgives, others should agree and forgive too so that satan cannot take advantage of us.)

I noticed that the gospels are our instruction in love, forgiveness and how to live as family. We need to get back to basics, the foundation of who we are and why we are here.

Lord, give us Your heart for one another. Let us walk in love. Not the mooshy kind, but the forever kind that bears your fruit
(Gal.5) and shows who our Daddy is.
 
May we be one, as You are one. You are three of you in one, yet each independently being different in appearance, purpose, work, and even physical nature, yet you have one nature, one purpose, one Presence, one love. That is how we should be, like You! Separately together, individuals united in Your nature and Your Presence.

You have said that before You return, we will be known on the earth by our love for one another. Because every word of Yours must come to pass before you return, I know that You are not coming today. I know that we have to get this one. We MUST. Let us transform into Your likeness soon. We are not getting this one yet, Lord. Transform us. Even so, come Lord Jesus.

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.
Galatians 5:26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
Galatians 6 1-5
Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourlf lest you also be tempted.
BEAR ONE ANOTHER’S BURDENS, and so FULFILL THE LAW of Christ.
For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
But let each one examine HIS OWN work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.
For each one shall BEAR HIS OWN LOAD.

Galatians 5:14, 15
For ALL THE LAW is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!
 Matthew 22:37-40
(Love the Lord and love your neighbor as yourself – on these two commandments hand ALL the Law and the Prophets.)

All scriptures quoted are from the NKJV

Here is one of my favorite translations to quote 1 Corinthians 13, Papa’s definition of love.

1 Corinthians 13 (the Message translation, which is a paraphrase)

1. If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I am nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

2. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all it’s mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump!” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

3-7. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “me first”,

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

8-10. Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach it’s limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

11. When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

12. We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly just as He knows us!

13. But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that comsummation: Trust steadfastly in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Chapter 14

1. Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it - because it does.

Translation, the Message Bible, italics mine.

One thought on the subject of how the church should function toward the needs of each other:

When the Word says, Bear one another’s burdens, it also mentions for us to each bear our own load.

I believe that a load is everyday stuff, responsiblities, etc., things we can deal with and just need to get up and do it.

I believe the burden comes in when, for whatever reason, you are handed something in life that is just too much to handle or tackle on your own. It becomes a burden, even growing sometimes to a huge burden, an impossible thing that we just can’t deal with no matter how we try.

For each person, a load is defined differently, depending on their personal circumstances or natural abilities. Some are stronger, taller, smarter, saner, etc. and so their load is defined by their own abilities. Our personal load is not defined by someone else’s definition or ability.

We should always do what we can, so as not to use, wear out or over-burden another person or group. That being said, when we are in a situation of a burden, and we are just not up to the task of dealing with it on our own, it is time for help to come alongside and bear it up with us, and even for us if we are flattened.

The church is seeing each other through natural eyes much of the time, as the world sees. And, we still judge as the world judges, by our own definitions and understanding. It is not up to us to define what someone else’s burden is, or to judge one another for the circumstances we find ourselves in.

We need to come to a place of seeing as God sees. We need to risk being “used”, even wrongly, in order to reach in and help with someone else’s (probably genuine) burden. If they are using us, then that is their burden before God. He will reward us for walking in love and mercy, whether or not someone was dealing honestly with us. We can always be in prayer to walk in wisdom and move by the Spirit. We cannot be what everyone needs, but we can do some things for some people.

The thing I have learned is that someone else’s burden is usually not a burden to me. It is easier for me to lift than it is for them. I also find that my burdens are not as big a deal for others to help me with, especially if there is more than one person helping. Bring on the cavalry!

This a lesson in humility, and God will humble us under His hand when it is time. The cloak of humility is a powerful garment on our armor. It moves God’s heart and hand on our behalf, and brings vengence for us.

The question is, will we as a body be His help for each other? Will we be kind, respectful and considerate, not proud, not grumbling, gossiping or judging each other as we reach in? This is actually not natural, and can be very hard in some situations. Time to grow in love!

Sometimes, another person’s burden or weakness just doesn’t make sense to us. This is because it is not our burden. We don’t neccessarily understand why someone could not just rise up and do what we think they should, or what we can do. We want to tell them how they should have averted it, how to handle it, or how to keep it from happening again.

The truth is, many times it isn’t something they can do anything about, as you might be able to. Or, maybe they did bring themselves to this, but they are now under it and can’t get out. Usually, we are learning our lessons from the burden and don’t need a lecture or guilt heaped up on us. If we do need wise instruction, then there is a time for that and a heart to deliver it through.

It is time for grace and mercy to come into the House of God. Let Him be the teacher, judge and whatever else and let’s be his body…heart, arms, hands, feet, pocketbooks, smiles, shoulders to cry on, ears to listen, whatever we are equipped with for this need.

Many times God comes to my help through people, even those who are not yet His. His love puts on skin. And if I will accept it, it is His gift to me.

You STILL humble me, Lord!

It takes the whole body to minister to one another and meet needs. If you look in scripture, Moses was given a team to help him because his father-in-law was wise enough to see that the job was too much for him. In the new testament, many were commissioned and had hands laid on them for ministering so the needs of the body, and the masses, could be met in a better way.

I know of many churches who are now doing cell groups or small groups meeting mid week to get to know one another and to know each other’s needs as they are shared.

None of us have arrived, and I think God is letting us go through more things at this season on the earth so that we will wake up and realize where we need to strengthen, and to strengthen each other.

The Lord never asks us to give what we don’t have, so if we can’t pay our own bills, we are not to charge our gifts to others. Only give what you have. However, if you make a mean pot of chili or soup and invite someone over for a meal that may need the food and fellowship, or even a break from cooking, then you are still giving provision.

If you are someone who has energy for phone calls or cards sent by mail, then that is a way to lift someone up, too. Whatever we have is what we give and share out of. When we all live like this, then all the different needs can be met and not deplete one person too much.

Plus, the leaders/pastors are blessed with a well-cared for body and a happy bunch of people of lead. That gives them what they need, too!

None of us have been as great as we should be in loving one another, or living this out, but many are “getting it” and improving along the way. This is the way of God, to grow us up from babyhood to full maturity. We just forgive others and ask to be forgiven and keep getting up and keep moving forward.

Yesterday morning, on a Monday morning no less, I awoke just before my first alarm and decided to actually get right up rather than hitting the snooze repeatedly which is the usual pattern for me. I have been scraping in the door at work too close to time lately, and it is time to get back on track. So, at 4:40 a.m. I got up, gave the cat her insulin shot and started my own morning routine.

I had plans for the day, which was quite a full day and I wanted to be ahead of things along the way. I had requested yesterday afternoon off, and had an appointment to get Gene to up the hill in Paradise after the morning route, so there wouldn’t be time for a break until late afternoon.

I headed out the door to work with my food packed, and plenty of time to spare. I had a clear road all the way to work and arrived a little early, which felt so good!

Then, as I was walking into the yard, I saw a bus pulling out onto the street and noticed my bus was gone from it’s parking space! What?

I walked, none too slowly, to the office and stepped in to see a startled office gal, who looked panicked that I was there! The expression on her face was priceless!

I said, “is there a reason my bus is not in it’s space at this time of day?” She said, “it just left! You have the day off, remember?” I said, umm. “Nooo…if you will check my request for time off form, you will see that I wrote p.m. only and circled it!” She turned and flipped the book open and said, “that is exactly right! I wonder why he gave you the whole day?” He being a fairly new supervisor.

(Not to mention the bus was leaving 10 minutes earlier than it should have. I did good not making any comments about it, especially since the times would look better than I can do on a normal day.)

I said, “well, alright then”… then left and got in the car. I remembered that, though I had shopped at Walmart for the few things we needed the night before, I had forgotten 2 things. So I went to Walmart and wandered around for an hour, just trying to adjust to being up at that ridiculous hour for no apparent reason!

I came home and my husband thought I had forgotten something! I told him what happened, and he thought they should pay me since I didn’t know not to show up. I said, I may just enjoy the extra time before we leave for your appointment, and went online for a while.

About an hour later I heard a yelp from the bathroom. I ran in and there was toilet water about a half inch to an inch deep covering the entire bathroom floor! Not a pretty thing (or smell) at all, I tell ya! I grabbed all the old towels I keep being told to toss out, and threw them down on the floor, covering every inch I could.

I wasn’t thinking the elderly woman downstairs would like this coming down to her space. yikes!

As I cleaned things up, I realized that for 2 days I had kept saying I was going to deep clean the bathroom and wash the floor. So, I sure did this time and did a very good job of it, too. That’s motivation for ya! God must have heard my words. ;o)

I realized that though someone may have made a mistake at work, and though I am not sure I have enough paid time off to cover the extra few hours off, this morning off was a gift from God. Had my sweetheart been on his own to cope with this, things would have gotten ugly. Poor guy can’t move much, very fast, or see well enough to deal with this.  I had it done in 5 mintues or so. Adrenaline is my friend! LOL!

By the time we left for Paradise, things were spotless, I felt good about it and we could just relax and enjoy ourselves.

We had a bit of a wait, then a good office visit with his surgeon. His hip replacement surgery was scheduled and we left knowing this was the right timing, finally.

I treated him to a light lunch to munch on the way down the hill and we got there just in time for the next shift to start! But, they didn’t need me then, either, so I had a wonderful and relaxing afternoon.

God is so good and faithful! I am glad I didn’t get uptight about the possible mistake and say anything. It was obviously a gift to me from Papa, who knew ahead of time what the morning would hold.

But, oh, baby! What a crazy morning!

This morning, when I spoke with the guy about the time off, he said he thought we had discussed that I had the whole day off, but I thought that was for the day off last week. Doesn’t matter which of us is right or wrong, and it could just as easily be me.  Today, I worked enough hours to have a little overtime, and I need to do some extra things at work for a few days, so God is making up for the lost time, for certain.

The timing of this has turned out to be perfect and definitely stamped with God’s care for us.

Okay, Tuesday was wonderful! I did have to work non-stop the entire day, but it was such a good day. I awoke to having great blood glucose levels, and the energy and well-being that accompanies that.

I worked the first shift, ate my brunch foods and sipped more water, lots of water today. I hung out at work since I had a 40 minute break. The fun thing was that I got to chat with so many people that I don’t usually cross paths with, or don’t have time when we do. I was chatting with one gal about how her daughter was doing (she had been in a head-on crash a little over a year ago, been through many surgeries to her face and is now as lovely as ever and in college) when I noticed the new work shirt she was wearing. It had nicer buttons and some top stitching, and a finer texture to the weave of the fabric.

I asked her where she had gotten this hot little item and she told me a new shipment had come in and the boss had them in his office. I went in only to find he had them up in the attic over the shop. I marched up the stairs and got several in different sizes, came downstairs to try them on in the women’s room, went upstairs to hang up the rejects and grab a few more in my size. I showed them to the office gal, and she wanted some, too but couldn’t leave her desk. So, I went upstairs and got her 5 new ones. I got 4 for me. Then, I went back up a few times for other people. I realized I had this energy and strength that I don’t have when my blood sugars are elevated first thing in the mornings. I put on one of the new shirts and went around shaking my booty and singing, “I’m too sexy for my shirt” and torturing everyone within range.

I had a very good second shift, and then drove to IN-n-Out Burger for a hamburger to get in some good protein before the next shift. I sucked up a few more glasses worth of water with that burger. I had less than an hour off total and then started the third shift.

This shift was fun. It started with me picking up people that I didn’t know, from a job site that I dont’ usually go to and taking those people home to a place I don’t usually go to. This made the third trip up the hill in the bus today. It was a pleasant ride. Then, I picked up my usual people for the last leg of that shift and took them home.

I didn’t have one of my partners, and I did fine, ran the route ahead of schedule and was very active all day. It was such a pleasure and I remembered how much I love my job!

I got home at around 6 p.m. and got dinner going, logged online for some facebook fun time with family and friends, watched Biggest Loser and rode the exercise bike for a half hour before bedtime, which was 11-something.

I went to bed feeling as well as I did all day. My ankles have been swelling and so have my other joint areas, but not so much that I can’t just keep going. I am wondering if it is a reaction to my new diabetes med. Hmm.

Okay, what the heck happened? As I wrote earlier, I had a great Tuesday and felt so well. I went to bed with energy to spare, yet was able to sleep pretty well for the most part.

I woke up this morning with great pain the the foot and ankle area, and radiating up my leg with excruciating intensity! What the heck happened since I went to bed?

I couldn’t get out of bed to walk on that foot, so at first I stood up and leaned on my hands on the bed and hopped around it, holding on the whole way, I groped on the wall for a bit, then couldn’t handle it, so I ended up crawling, dragging my leg behind me! Ha! Now THAT was a morning site, to be sure.

I remembered that when I had plantar’s facitis I had to put on shoes to be able to stand and walk. Somehow that helped the pain enough for me to hobble, so I crawled my way to the living room, put on the shoes (Ouch!) and stood up. OUCH!

I hopped and hobbled to the bathroom, then started the usual routine for morning. The cat was so funny through this. She kept meowing at me in a nagging way, trying to get me to follow her, then yelling at me to stop playing around, “get up, woman! Don’t you know we have important things to get to? Like, milk to be poured, shots to be given? Hello?” I actually told a cat to stop nagging me this morning. (Hysterical laughter now.) I have finally arrived at my dear hubby’s level…”Baby!, quit!” LOL!

Anyway, I got the little darling her milk and insulin injection, then managed my morning routine.

The fun started to come in to play when I was in the shower. I always finish by sitting in the tub after the shower, with clean water and stretching. I thought this would be good for the foot and so I did stretch it a bit and did what I could. The excitement started with trying to get back up and get out. I have never been so stuck before and have already figured out how to deal with this. The problem came in when I realized both knees were on strike! I finally got around all this, in such a comical way but it was, oh..about 15 mintues later. gasp!

The real excitement came when it was time to go downstairs and all the way to the car. Yikes!

I managed to get to work, but couldn’t stand the thought of walking through 2 parking lots and the drive area, too so I pulled my car up to the office like the privileged little darling I am, went inside to check in and then came out and moved my bus out of it’s space. I then got in the car and backed it into the bus’ parking area. big smile here. This is a no-no, but for some reason I just couldn’t find it in me to care enough about it.

I went in the office with my car keys, hung them on the bus key hook and told our dear office gal that if someone needed to move my car from that space my keys were there. LOL! I mumbled something about not walking well as I headed out the door. She had that “deer in the headlight” look as I shut the door. I did do that on purpose so she couldn’t decide to keep me in.

I did the route, with much labor and pain. Every single time I stepped down from that seat I wasn’t sure I would stand, or be able to get all the way to the ground, much less walk. I looked quite the hoot as I groped my way around the bus, holding on to or leaning on every part available. The guys were suddenly aware that something was wrong and were trying to be helpful, and I was trying to convince them I was alright, just woke up strange. Yeah, right.

I learned partway through the route that my one partner is out for a while from an injury, and I was on my own with my peeps. I enjoy them so much that I just kicked in to the gear I used to work in all the time. I have only recently even had a partner for this group. It is amazing how spoiled a person can become in such a short time.

We all did fine, then I picked up the partner for the next half of the shift. She has a recent injury that won’t let her work, essentially, so I tried to bear the bulk of the work on that group, too. I sure do love them and it was a pleasure…umm…except for the pain and suffering part.

I called the Dr. during the shift and explained that my body was committing mutiny and he needed to make it behave.  They fitted me in within 10 minutes of me finishing my morning shift! Woo-hoo!

But, I digress…back to little missie…

We had a wonderful ride and visit. I sure do like this gal. She is one of my “kids” already, and said I am the mom she doesn’t have near by. I felt good since she is so new-to-me. She trusts me with her “stuff”, you know, the “stuff-of-life” and most is not good at all. I listen for a long time, then bring the Lord in to it, and when she can’t get to him that day, I make sure He and I come to her before she gets off for her work day. Lots of love and grace needed for this little miss, and I feel so privileged to have her with me.

When I got back to the yard, I pulled the bus up, hobbled in to get my car keys, moved my car and parked the bus. As I was hanging the bus keys, the supervisor was there and he came around the office wall as I was trying to sneak out without being noticed. sigh. He doesn’t miss much. He eyed me over, then asked if I would like the afternoon off.

Hello!? I wonder if I even have any paid time off left after the way this year is going. He looked it up and I was fine. I said, “I think I am fine”, then froze in agony while trying to keep a happy face. He shook his head and said to call him as soon as I knew I was taking it off. Alright then.

I went to the Dr, and could barely get out of the car by the time I had sat in it for 7 minutes. It was like I froze up completely. I think this is what my grandmother called gettin’ all ’stoved up’, only it seems more painful than she let on.

The Dr. checked me over and messed with everything that hurt, then frowned. He could see the swelling, the rashy, red, blotchy look to the skin up my leg, didn’t like where the lumpy pain was located in my calf, and wrote me a scrip for x-rays. He said he would order me something for pain. I started laughing. I couldn’t help myself. I am still laughing. Silly man! He looked at me with a blank look, then the light dawned on him. I said, I wouldn’t be able to drive, and he said, that’s right. He looked sheepish as he remembered all my allergies and intolerances, said something about that and told me he would not give me any pain meds. No way! You can’t be serious! smile.  He smiled and shook his head at me, telling me to get straight to the lab.

I spent the next hour and 15 minutes being x-rayed up one side and down the other, and it was quite painful. This girl was good, gentle and enjoyed me so we had a good time. It was just physically miserable and at times was almost too much to bear. She was very good. She finally told me I kept her from being bored and she enjoyed my company. I made her laugh, which was very good for both of us!

I called the supervisor and got the office girl. I told her I called to tell him I had been kidding myself. I really needed the afternoon off to recover from simple x-rays. sigh. She said, “he said that as soon as you walked out, and as soon as you came to your senses you would call”. I hate when someone is more right about my weakness than I am.

So, now I get to wait until at least Monday to find out if anything even shows up. I am mixed up on this one. I want something to show so I can tell what is going on with me this year, and causing this pain and inflammation, etc. But, at the same time, I don’t want anything to be wrong with me. blegh!

I had breakfast with my honey, told him I have the afternoon off,  and hobbled up our stairs under his watchful eye. What funny site is this: the too-slim, 70 year old man bent over with double spinal fusions, both hips bone-on-bone, uses a walker to walk down the street, bent over from various damages to his upper back and shoulders… watching to make sure I made it and that he didn’t need to help (210 lb.) me up the stairs! Whoo-ee! What a hysteric that is. I got in the house and laughed so hard I had to tinkle.

So, what can I say? You STILL humble me, Lord!

One day, while I was attending an Episcopal church on a regular basis, the priest asked me, “Do you know how they make holy water?”

I said, ”silly priest, God made the water!” wink.

He said, “yes, and the priest takes the water and boils the hell out of it!“

As he was grinning and pleased with himself, I said, “and then you go and stick your fingers in it and defile it again, and add a prayer of blessing at that! Then you go and splash it on everybody.” He just laughed and said, “a priest’s fingers are made holy by the anointing.” Right!, (Oh, yeah… mine, too!)

Anyway, I think it is time for me to boil the hell out of some of God’s homemade water and do another “blessing of the bus”.

Sometimes, I go in when there is no one to observe, and I put on worship music, pray, worship, dance, and anoint and bless the bus with anointing oil after inviting the Holy Spirit to come into it. I ask for the washing of the blood of Jesus Christ and the washing of water by the Word. I touch every opening to the bus, as well as every seat and seatbelt, sometimes sitting in the seats, and always read the Word of God out loud. I pray for every person who enters and exits my bus.

I think I will add some holy water this time.

(I think I will do my home, too. I do that often, but it has been a long while this time.)

Recently, an alarming number of passengers and staff are getting injured or having strange health problems, and I am thinking it is time to extend a fresh invitation to the Holy Spirit to come and join us there, pray the blood of Jesus over the place and kick out anything that opposes my Lord Jesus!

“Splish splash! I was taking a bath”…

So, what’s cooking at your place?

Time to get the kettle out!

;o)

Luke chapter 10: 25-37

The story of the good Samaritan has an interesting set-up. A lawyer is testing Jesus, and asks what to do to inherit eternal life. A very good question!

 Jesus responds with questions of his own. 1. What is written in the law? and 2. What is your take on it?

The man’s answer was, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind’, and ‘your neighbor as yourself’.”

Jesus told him he had the right answer, and if he did this, he would live. (Remember, this is about eternal life!)

He was really wanting to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?’

Jesus’ answer to him was the story of the Good Samaritan.                                                                        

This story is an example of who your neighbor is, and how to love them.

This story is being told to a Jewish man of status. Jewish people despised the people of Samaria, the Samaritans, because they were of mixed decent (Jewish half breeds),  and the Jews felt superior to them, like they would become defiled if they were around them. Typically, they didn’t even speak to them. Basic racism.

Essentially, this story (as told by Jesus, Himself) is of a man who was coming from Jerusalem (so probably a Jew), and while traveling, found himself where thieves were. They stripped him naked, stole everything he had, and wounded him severely enough that he was left half dead and lying in the dirt.

The Lord said it was by chance that a priest (spiritual leader) came down the same road, and when he saw him, he crossed to the other side and passed him by. (Now, in fairness to the priest of that time, it was forbidden for him to defile his priestly garments.)

Then, just like the priest, a Levite (spiritual leader) came to the same place and saw him. Then he crossed the road and went on by, too!

Then, a Samaritan, as he was traveling, came to the spot where this victim was. And, when he saw him, he had compassion on him.

He went over to him, gave him first aid, pouring oil and wine on the wounds (oil for annointing and wine for the Holy Spirit) and bandaged them up. Then he lifted his dead weight up on his own animal, which meant he was walking from that point on. He brought him to an inn and stayed with him to take care of him.

He had to leave the next day, so when he left he took out some money and gave it to the inn-keeper with instructions to take care of him. He also told the inn-keeper that however much more it cost him, he could go ahead and spend it and bill him for it. When he came back, he would pay up the bill for him.

Then, Jesus asked the lawyer which of the three men he thought was a good neighbor to the man who was ambushed by the thieves.

The answer the lawyer gave him was this, “He who showed mercy on him.”

Jesus’ instructions to him were to “go and do likewise”. In other words, live that way yourself.

Okay, this sounds so simple doesn’t it? It would be easy for us to judge the other two men who just left him there to suffer and die. But it really is a clear picture of how easy it is for any one of us to be in too much of a hurry, too busy, too important, too afraid, or too afraid of dirtying our hands/selves/clothes, not to mention thinking it isn’t our problem or responsibility. 

Life is just that way. Sometimes we are overburdened and it really isn’t a choice. But sometimes we keep ourselves so busy and committed that we just don’t have time. Remember Martha? Jesus told her only one thing was needed and she was fixing a holiday meal! He prefered her time and company to the big meal.

Sometimes, we just can’t be bothered with what isn’t our own priority or with someone we don’t know or already care about. Sometimes, we are prejudiced and would not take time or care for someone who is different than us, seems less than us, or who makes us uncomfortable. Let’s be honest. A situation like this, where you come across a naked, smelly, dirty, bloodied up man lying there is not a situation we naturally just rush over and throw ourselves into. Especially if we have prejudice about that person. So let’s not judge these men.

This story is told in direct response to questions asking what to do to inherit eternal life, and who is my neighbor, anyway? Think about that. It is profound.

Stepping outside your comfort zone, giving of yourself to someone who might even be an enemy to you, or who might never give you the time of day, someone who must be filthy, stinking and possibly contaminated, or someone who can’t even get up without help is uncomfortable and unnatural. And then, to reach in and go the extra miles it takes to bring them to safety, meet their needs and give them a chance to heal and to live is costly of precious time and resources. And all for someone who would quite probably think you were lower than the dirt they’re lying in, and who wouldn’t give you the time of day!

I think the definition of who the neighbor was is this: it is the person who is in front of you and in true need, whether friend or foe. I think the way to be their neighbor is to do all you can do when the need is so great. And to not just leave without looking back, or leave them hanging when you cannot be there. Check back on them. Have others check in with them, too. Pray for the healing anointing of the Holy Spirit to come upon them.

The visual here is that loving someone can be quite messy, nasty even, and costly. But, you do what you can when you can, and you do it with kindness and compassion. This Samaritan did have limits. He had to leave before the man was healed, but he still took care of things for him. I think, if he hadn’t been up to the expense he might still have sent someone back to him, or found another way to help. I think this because this was the way his heart is revealed in this story.

Loving your neighbor is an issue of the heart, of putting others before self and making those sacrifices without thinking you are so important that you have to mention it or resent it.

In other scriptures, the Lord talks about loving your brother being easy, and that even the world does this. That it brings a greater reward to love your enemies, do good, lend and don’t look for anything back.

What I see happening in the church is that we are not always even open to loving our brother. This is not only because we can be selfish and immature people, but because of so many offenses in our spiritual family. It is hard to love a brother who offends you and doesn’t even care to look back or be sorry. It is also difficult to stay close to someone who avoids you and won’t even tell you they are offended with you or why. Division comes quickly when things are left to grow without dealing with them.

Sometimes, these offenses are simply because people are without a clue.

For example, a person in the church may be neglected or wounded by a spiritual leader, but the leader is clueless to the fact that they have left a wound in this person, and so no care is given to the person or the situation. As I have said in other posts, we are all created differently. We look different, think differently and feel differently. So, what can wound one person deeply, wouldn’t even be a blip on the heart or mind of someone else. Also, some people are so single-focused or busy that they just don’t see what is right in front of them, unless it is their focus. So, needs go unmet and hurt can foster anger, which can foster bitterness. And all the while, the leader or offender may just simply be oblivious.This is where forgiveness come in on the part of the offended. If they don’t, division comes, and usually with it comes talking about it to others, who then judge by what they have heard, and talk to others, etc.

Think of how the victim in this story must have felt if he actually saw the priest and spiritual leader arcing around him to avoid all contact and keep on truckin’! How would this have affected his view and feelings of his spiritual leaders? How would this have affected his view of the people they tell him to stay away from, and why should he listen to them now?

I have a young friend who is going through a difficult and even sticky situation right now with her spiritual leaders and friends. She is so seriously ill, and in so much pain, and quite honestly her illness is something that very few can relate to or understand. It is real, and has been diagnosed, and with little hope from the medical community. She is judged, sometimes quite harshly by others, and even her own friends.

It is hard to understand how a person can be so vibrant, energetic, happy and active for an evening, and then be totally crippled with pain all night and so exhausted and hurting for days or even weeks afterward. When people do get the opportunity to see her, she looks adorable, lovely even, and vibrant. She is a person who can light up the place she is in, she is intelligent and laughs easily at someone’s humor. So, it is hard for others to understand how the next day she may not be able to get out of bed, clean her house or cook a decent meal. I am sure they want to say, just get up and get going! Just do one thing, then rest, and do one more! All the advice we have sounds so reasonable to us because we are not living in her body, dealing with her pain, exhaustion, discouragement and heavy-heartedness. As believers, we might try to fix her with scriptures and tell her to trust God and then we just move on. Some would even just speak from the other side of the street  (neighborhood, church) and keep moving. Why should they slow down to help someone so young and capable if she isn’t even trying?

Anyway, there are people in her life who are physically so near to her, but don’t stop by, visit, bring food, or see what help she needs at all. And worse than that, don’t even offer to come and pray with her. Perhaps they need to find a way to pencil, or even (gasp!) pen her in to their busy schedules. Perhaps they need to not be her judge.

 I see her as I see the victim in this story, lying in the dirt, stripped, bruised, beaten up and bloody. The question is, are the spiritual leaders, people in her church and friends going to take the time to nurture and care for her? Or, are we going to leave it to the stranger passing by who has compassion? This would mean it might be someone from another land, from “the world”, rather than the kingdom.

And what of her husband who has his plate full and overloaded with responsiblity, and comes home to stuff she would normally have done, but doesn’t? Doesn’t this show him victimized by this, too? How shall he respond to the spiritual leaders, people and friends in their young lives? How will he view God, His people and His house? Should the men not come along side and give him their time and care, too?

What of her mother, who loves her daughter and loves the church, cares for all the people involved? How is she to feel about this? And, is she being cared for, herself as a single woman living alone?

There is a blessing that comes with serving God’s own people. In the Old Testament, it is called the prophet’s blessing. It rested on the home of the ones who took them in and provided for them.

This young lady is a born leader. It is her design by God. She is being humbled and refined, with character, integrity, compassion and mercy being worked in her. But, she is still a leader of the people of God, whether it looks like it at the moment or not.

Are the people in her life really willing to let someone from the world, the “stranger” take the blessing from them? The blessing of the Lord, and the miracles and provision that come with that, will fall on whomever cares enough to be inconvenienced, as long as it takes, with His dear one. Make no mistake about it.

As a whole body, it is easier. When each one of us does what we can and gives what we have at the time, the needs of God’s people are met more often. But, first, we have to see the need. Sometimes, the fallen just aren’t up to voicing it! “The Lord lifts the fallen, and those bent beneath their load.” And He uses His body, His arms, hands and feet for that. We need to be more observant, looking out for each other.

Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it – because it does!

1 Corinthians 14:1

Saw this over at Lisanne’s. Looked like fun, so I thought I’d do one for my sweetheart!

                                                 And then there was Gene!            

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV. What’s on the screen? The History Channel, cops or wrestling!

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Thousand Island…so much it is doing the backstroke on the lone leaf of lettuce! smile. He doesn’t even spread it around. Asks for extra TI, then digs in right as it is and complains if there are places that are “dry” and don’t have any on them! Too funny.

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like? Cole slaw, and NEVER offer stewed chicken to him.

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Once every few years, he has a strawberry daquiri or screw driver. 3 max

5. Where did he go to high school? In his hometown.

6. What size shoe does he wear? 12?

7. If he were to collect anything, what would it be? Knives, guns, or fishing supplies.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Ham and cheese with sweet pickles when at home, grilled ham, turkey, tomato and cheese when out, or a club sandwich.

9. What would he eat every day if he could? Snickers bars and Pepsi for sure, and Good burgers or Grilled stuffed Burritos.

10. What is his favorite cereal? Frosted shredded mini wheat, or oatmeal with brown sugar and maple.

11. What would he never wear? PINK!

12. What is his favorite sports team? None.

13. Who will he vote for? Good question at this point.

14. Who is his best friend? Myke.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? Procrastinate.

16. How many states has he lived in? 2

17. What is his heritage? English, German, Italian and maybe French…at least he thinks so.

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? Chocolate cake and chocolate frosting.

19. Did he play sports in high school? Is weight lifting a sport?

20. What could he spend hours doing?  Enjoying his cat, 

working out at the gym, fishing, bowling, having coffee out with Myke.

Miss E. Makes for an interesting change from the usual, no?

All the answers to this meme need to be just one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? desk                                                                                                                     2. Where is your significant other? home
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? Beautiful
5. Your father? God!
6. Your favorite thing? writing
7. Your dream last night? song
8. Your dream/goal? order
9. The room you’re in? dining                                                                                                                          10. Your hobby? beading
11. Your fear? baldness
12. Where do you want to be in 6 yrs?  Destiny                                                                                                   13. Where were you last night? home                                                                                                                  14. What you’re not? skinny
15. One of your wish list items? laptop                                                                                                              16. Where you grew up? Marriage                                                                                                                        17. The last thing you did? napped
18. What are you wearing? jammies
19. Your T.V.? off
20. Your pet? Baby
21. Your computer? HP
22. Your mood? Good
23. Missing someone? sister                                                                                                                               24. Your car? dirty
25. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
26. Favorite store? Bead                                                                                                                                   27. Your Summer? Good!
28. Love someone? Deeply
29. Your favorite color?  Pink                                                                                                                               30. When is the last time you laughed? Today                                                                                                 31. Last time you cried? Thursday

Oh, yeah honey.

You are singing my other song. LOL!

(This is my song, and this is my other song… :O)  …like: This is my brother Daryl, and this is my other brother Daryl; from the Bob Newhart Show.)

I digress already!

The other day, while I was talking with someone at work whom I rarely have time with, Gene called on the cell. The look of shock on this dude’s face was incredulous as I said, “and here he is now!” then silenced the phone. He couldn’t believe it, and even thought I was rude to Gene!

You see, we were talking about Gene when he called!
This guy knew him back when, before I dated him, and they worked out in the same gym downtown. In spite of how much Gene has changed, he recognized him when he saw him with me one day.

Here we were, talking about what a great guy he is, how awesome and all, and I go and silence his ring as he is calling me at that moment! LOL!

I said, “I can play his message and get right back to him. He will be listening for it.”

I didn’t want to disrespect this guy, and I didn’t want to break the flow of praise of my sweet honey! ;O)

I also got to hear how he saw him and felt about him back then, right at the time Gene and I were working together and getting ready to be a couple.

I, too feel it is rude and disrespectful to stay on a phone during a meal or visiting time, and unless it seems to be urgent, I don’t even pick up the call while we are out. I do listen to the message, if one is left, to see if it is urgent. If not. Oh, well.

We used to live without all this stuff. How did we do it then, in the old days? It was the only life we knew!

And, we did wish, many times, that we had an ability to get through to someone when things were not happening as planned, though.These techy toys are really a blessing, we just need to remember our manners.

And, PLAYING with the phone while out with someone? ugh! Sadly lacking in social graces, manners and respect. Unfortunately, that is the condition of our society lately, and I even see so many seniors slip into this without thinking. gasp!

You would not believe what it is taking to get the employees of companies to stay off their phones during company time, and there are laws to consider in some cases!

We are pathetic people these days.

I never thought of the TV’s in restaurants. Gene doesn’t see or hear well enough to lock-in-on them, and is bothered by the “noise” of it all. And I, I was trained well by my mother that the TV is off during meals, so it is not to be watched while eating with others. Plus, I hate competing with the noise while trying to converse with someone, too. I do know that when it comes to restaurants that have sports bars so loud that you can’t think, much less hear your partner, neither one of us wants to go there.

I am hearing you, honey. I hear you.

I do love my gadgets though, and my online communications and all, and must be honest about that…but I don’t want them keeping me from people I know and love, either. Rather, I want them to enhance relationships and compliment them.
I have been quite guilty of playing my Zune Mp3 while surrounded by people I know, like when walking to the office, but at that time I need the break to get my head and mood in the right place, and the music helps. I do try to pay attention around me. Then, when someone is trying to talk with me, or looks like they want my attention, I pull the buds out of my ears.

I am trying to not do this at all, anymore, but at home I am still guilty and need to pull the buds out and say, “what?”. LOL! In all honesty, I was that way with the record player in my brothers’ room while I was growing up, too. When it comes to music, I just get locked right in.

And, I do text quickly off and on during the day. It is how I keep in touch, like a brief email or note. What I love about text is that you can read it when you can and respond when you can (not while on the road, please) or when you want.

I guess there is a tension in it, isn’t there? The tension between self and relationship, between needing to cope, think, escape or just relax, and pushing out of yourself to meet another’s desire or need.

When I see someone with their IPOD in their ears, or their bluetooth and they are in another land, I just smile and try to understand that they may need the escape just to get to work. But, it can be so frustrating or sad to realize that what used to be the 5 minutes we had to catch up with each other has now been stolen away.

Something to think about.

Yikes!

Woah! What the heck?!?!?!?!?!?!!!

Okay, now THIS is what I am talking about, right here.

I guess I need to post this just so I can see it and know I am not a crazy person for being concerned about the level of hairloss I am experiencing, or about how wierd my allergies and intollerances are.

I have dealt with hairloss off and on for several years now, and a couple of years ago I actually went to a dermatologist because of the alarm I was feeling. I actually had spots that were so near bald that if my hair wasn’t lying right those areas would show.

The specialist just had me collect hair from everywhere (shower, comb, brush, sinks, counters, clothing, car seats, etc.) each day for 10 days, count it and put it in envelopes, then bring it in, all the while going balder and balder.

Basically, he told me not to worry, as it is “normal” to lose 100 hairs a day or more! I don’t think so! Not this girl!

Anyway, talk about jumping my spiritual life into hyper-drive. Laughing out loud here. I was one praying girl, and for everyone in the world going through this, men, too. I can sympathize, guys, I really can.  ;O)

This was yet one more season in my life where I had to face the truth of my own vanity! As I am a more “natural” girl, I never think of myself as vain. (I am too sensitive or allergic to make-ups, stockings and such, so I just don’t bother with them much.) But, vain I am! Totally!

(The first reality check on my vanity came with the loss of a front tooth! Now THAT will bring any girl’s vane side to the front real quick, especially when her bosses say, just come on in, we won’t mind! Oh, yeah. Riiiight!) Hel-looooo! I WILL, and I am what matters when it is my vanity being exposed! (Um, in these situations, I also get an “I” problem.)

Anyway, somebeody give me that good quote on vanity and I will insert it here.

The amazing thing was that this baptist gal I worked with temporarily on my bus, who doesn’t really believe in current use of gifts of the Holy Spirit (just like I didn’t when I was a baptist, before He gave them to me!) walked up to me and said, “I keep thinking I need to tell you about this article I read. It talked about how many people react to fish like salmon and tuna with hair loss. They are saying it is due to the mercury, but no one knows for sure.”

… oooh, Yes, Lord! I hear You!  ;-)

I was, at that time eating salmon 5 days a week or more, and tuna many days a week, and she knew that. I was feeling quite healthy and energetic from it, but was experiencing some of the “usual” reactions I have to various things, occasional hives, rashes, etc. Hmmm.

So, I stopped all salmon and tuna, eventually all fish and finally the hairloss stopped!

My hair was actually filling in within a few weeks, and I was praying, blessing and anointing my head regularly, let me tell you.

I went through this in a minor way once after that, and checked the vitamins I had started taking, (oops fish oil, minerals) and tossed those puppies, with my hair growing back in fairly quickly!

Lesson learned. Pay attention to where fish hides. And minerals. (The rash and skin texture I get on my face with minerals in vitamins is none too pretty either, and this plain, vain girl gets cranky real fast! Not to mention ridiculously emotional over all the dumb stuff.)

So now, here I am on a very necessary new medication, and my doctor is not giving me any options. STAY ON IT!

(In all fairness to him, it is for my blood glucose, and my levels are climbing and not responding to diet and exercise alone, so it is very important. I have tried other diabetes medications, and I have some much more miserable reactions to those…don’t ask! Nothing I can deal with while driving for hours at a time.)

My reactions to this medication have been interesting. Rash, nausea, headache, small hives, increasing sinus infection symptoms and the pain with it, all going away or growing less within a few days.

Then, hair loss increasing, then the swollen fingers, hands, ankles, pain and inflammation in joints and stiffness, eventually leading to the huge ankle, plantar facitis in my foot and heel tendon, redness and swelling up my leg, into my booty and so much pain that I am eating anti-inflammatories, which also have their little negative side effects on me. Ugh!

Half the swelling as the day before.

 (Looks like Gramma’s ankles. Now I understand!)

How’s this for a med reaction?

 

However, the anti-inflammatory does take the misery down with the swelling, which is less but not gone, and I can walk without limping now and ride my exercise bike. ;O)  Makes me happy!

sigh! What to do?

It would be more simple for me if my blood glucose levels would come down and stay there on this medication.

I am eating very rightly on the diabetic food plan, and riding my bike for 20 minutes a few times a day or for an hour – an hour and a half at once, almost every day. I am actually successfully losing weight!

One day, my bg levels will be almost down to where they should be, then another day they will be so high it is upsetting, and with no changes in patterns or medication.

I need to stay on this medication for a few weeks to give it a chance, but will I be bald before then? I pray not! Noooo!

When I talk with a doctor, any doctor about this allergic response I have, as well as some other ones, they just don’t seem to get it, and tell me to keep doing what I am doing. They don’t know what it is like to be female, so “not old” and having such extremely thinning hair, only to look at that amount of hair in the tub all too regularly. Or to have such miserable conditions that you don’t normally have to deal with, just because you need a medication.

And that wad of hair…is only what comes out in the shower. It doesn’t include the sink, hairbrush, comb, hair dryer filter, where ever else it is lying around, just waiting to discourage and freak me out!

This is one fear I must face with grace, and honestly…I just don’t know how.

I haven’t gotten that one yet.

I am a person who can’t stand barettes, clips, hair ties, or hats on my head, not even visors! How am I to deal with wigs? Yikes! Aaaarrrggghhhh! NOT!

Papa, please heal me and until then, grant me the ability to deal with this in grace and without the emotional upset. I really need to be healed from all these allergies and intollerances to so many, many things, as well as the diabetes. It just isn’t funny at all, and I need Your help!

Anyone who reads this, please pray for me. If there is something I need to get a clue on, God needs to speak to me so I can deal with it. He can speak through you and I will listen.

If you have any insight, I am all ears.

Danette on Table Mountain, Spring 2008

             

Each year, my dear, long-time friend, Danette and I make plans to go to Table Mountain and see the beauty before the winds come and dry it away.  There are usually 2, perhaps even 3 weeks of beauty, followed dry winds that quickly erase the scene you may have seen just a few days before.

Each year, we talk about it, and try to find a Saturday that works for both of us, and try to be healthy enough to make this excursion for a day.

This Spring, we both just decided that we weren’t missing it again and determined to go, no matter what!

Of course, my problems in my ankle and foot flaired up in such a way that we weren’t sure I could make the walk on such uneven and wet terrain, but we went anyway.

We packed up a picnic lunch, with sandwiches, macaroni salad, fruit in jello, and cold, iced water and iced tea. We headed off to Table Mountain and the drive was lovely. The weather was cool, with some winds but not too much to be able to enjoy being out in. It was an overcast day, yet sunny enough so be pleasant for us, and I was hoping that would mean good photos.   

 

I had received a digital camera for Christmas from my dear husband, and hadn’t played with it much, and not outdoors like this. One of the main things I was looking forward to was capturing some photos of the colors and patterns of the blooms and grasses up there.

Danette and I enjoy beading for a hobby. She lived in Alaska for a year and a half, and learned Alaskan native beading. It is the type where you stitch the seed beads in a pattern on wool felt. I was here in town learning to bead with seed beads, too but with just the beads and thread in peyote stitch. It is great for making medicine bags.

Once Danette returned home from Alaska, she taught me the Alaskan native way, and I taught her peyote.    We enjoy collecting beads of all types and colors to use in the projects, and have grown in our techniques   and styles, developing our own personality to our work.  

So, I was hoping to have some lovely photos of color and pattern to use for inspiration on a piece one day.

We had a nice visit, catching up with each other on the drive to Table Mountain, which is in a nearby town.

When we got to the flat topped mountain, we were driving up the road with some of the loveliest scenery I have seen in a long time.  

      

It was peaceful, scerene. Like a sigh of relief after the wild winter we had just gone through.

Once we arrived at the community area, we realized it wasn’t really a place to picnic outdoors, with all the limitations to the public, so we ate in the van and took in the beauty all around us. It was wonderful!

After lunch, we began to walk into the fields, which were full of many colored blossoms, and some very wet ground! Danette was trying to be there for me as I walked, and I was watching over her as well. The ground was uneven and much of it slippery, so it was quite the experience. But, we wanted to keep going to get the best views and photos.  

I was amazed at the variety of colors! What looks from the road like scrambled eggs, in a swirl, are various types of tiny yellow flowers and various tiny white flowers. What I call “purples”, and I believe are lupins, seem to be a blue with white tips, making them look purple. There were many other kinds of flowers and colors along the walk, none of which I would have seen if we had not gotten out and walked as we had.

The ride home from there was equally lovely. Such a wonderful day, and so reviving to our spirits and souls.

I did come away with some good photos, but was surprised to find as I was trying to take them outside, that the view screen goes completely black under the sun! Can you tell I am new at this? Ha!

I just did the ol’ aim and shoot method, sometimes zooming in, sometimes leaving it as is. I did come away with some nice photos, but have lots of them that are out of focus.  So, I have a lot to learn about photography, and about digital cameras, too!

Overall, it was a perfect outing on a perfect day! We were both so glad we had gone, and had been able to, finally, share this together.     

  

Last evening, for the first time, I decided to pull out the cables to plug in to the computer and download the photos to see how they

were.

I had some photos from Christmas with my family, and some of the winter weather as I drove the bus through, followed by these photos of Spring.  I put it on slide setting and enjoyed the show! What fun! I am looking forward to the day when I can take some good photos to share. Until then, I will share a few of these with you.                                                          

When we were young times were hard, especially financially. Mom had her hands full with 5 of us, and no husband at home to help, so holidays weren’t exactly a bright spot for her.

As kids, we were all into wanting a great time at the holidays, especially Christmas, so over the years we made up our own fun, with many things becoming “traditions”. I was the fourth of 5 kids, so most ideas, especially in the beginning years, were the ideas of my older siblings. I was all too happy to go along with whatever pulled us together. As time went on, each of us flavored these traditions in our own ways, and even added to them along the way.

One of mom’s rules was that we were not to bring a tree home until the December 15th or after. This way, it wouldn’t be as dry by the big day. So, once it was the 15th, we were all over her for the tree. Some years, someone would give us a tree, because we just couldn’t afford one. Other years, someone with a pass would take one of us to choose and cut a tree! I don’t remember being there for that part, but I do remember the fragrance that would fill the house as it was brought in to dry and be decorated.

We would string the usual popcorn and cranberries, string the lights up, hang the ornaments - many of which were homemade over the years – as well as the garlands we had made, and finally hung the tinsel. Now, hanging the tinsel was an event all it’s own. It was to be perfect. This was my brother Chuck’s thing, and he was a master at the patience and skill of hanging tinsel on the tree. (Still is.) It was an art form, really.

While we were making and putting up decorations there were certain traditions as well. One was to have hot cocoa with marshmallows one evening, and another was to have egg nog and sing Christmas carols another evening. It was a weekend event, just the tree alone!

The amazing thing is that during this time, we were all together more than at any other time of the year, and getting along! Completely!

We would have game nights and play gamesin a room lit by the tree lights and sip our treats. This memory is a warm fuzzy for me. Everyone would chat casually, sharing things that would not be shared all year, and enjoy each others’ stories, thoughts and jokes. It really was a great time.

The week before Christmas, we would each get a buck or so to shop for each others’ stocking stuffers, go down to the Woolworth’s Store and pick out 5 things, one for each sibling and one for mom. We usually found cute little glass animals or something like that. I cherished every one of those.

Then Christmas Eve night would finally come! We would stay up until a certain hour, and one by one we would go in to the living room and stuff something in each others’ stockings (socks, whatever), then leave so the next guy could have their turn.

We would have the hot cocoa, popcorn and whatever else was available (home baked goodies) and bring our pillows and bedding out to the living room floor. We would determine to stay awake all night. As a young child, I don’t remember ever making it all night, but I sure did try. I didn’t want to miss any of the stories, jokes, play and ‘whatever was being shared’ to help us stay awake. We always gave it our best effort.

One thing I remember is that we were up very early, and mom wasn’t having any of it. We could be up at 5:00, but she wasn’t to be disturbed until 6:00 – 700. She made a tradition up that we could get in to the stockings while we waited, but had to wait for her to be up, and breakfast eaten, before gifts could be opened.

The fun part of this was that we had to bring her a cup of hot tea to wake her on Christmas morning, which she would not wake up to touch. It would then grow cold, and you had to go and do this again…however many times it took to get her awake enough to sip it in bed and agree to get up. (Talk about holding the kids hostage! smile!)

Anyway, breakfast would have to be eaten, then gifts could be exchanged. Things were always tight, money wise, but there was always something to open, and usually more than one gift. Mom had a way of getting something special as a “main” gift. It might not have been your biggest dream, but it was always good.

Sometimes, it was your biggest dream. Like the year I got the new, leather-bound Scofield Bible that I had wanted so badly. That was the one that the pastor used and most of the adults had, and I wanted one very much. I was in my teens then, and it was a precious gift. I still have it.

I remember that same year that my brother, Chuck went into the sea scouts and had a naval uniform to wear which made him look the spit-an-image of our dad. My mom and sister had found the navy goat for him (stuffed of course!). It was too funny. He also got some “birth control” pills which were labled on the bottle with the words, “not to be taken before, during or after, but instead of”. We laughed so hard at his face when he read that. They were jelly beans or something like that. The “baby” got a bike. I think it was from my sister. It was a memorable year for the gifts because they were all something that really touched our hearts and made us realize that our desires could sometimes be met, even in the gifts we hadn’t asked for.

Over the years, traditions were built on, even as adults. We began to take drives during December to look at the Christmas lights and decorations around the area. Half way through the evening, we would stop at a 7-11 store and get a cup of cocoa or a mocha to sip on the rest of the ride. We would pack kids into the station wagon, or whatever car there was that year and all of us pile in. This was most often shared with my brothers, their families and my husband and I.

Many years, there would be rides early in the decorating season, to scope out where the best lights and decorations were, and which neighborhoods were amazing enough to go to on the family drive. These investigative rides would be with Teri and I, or Danette and I, and we have found some wonderful neighborhoods over the years. These rides themselves have also become tradition for us.

I am someone who loves to have the real Christmas tree. Bringing the real tree, with it’s fragrance, the lights and color signal to me that Christmas is finally here and kicks me in to the spirit of the holiday. My husband does not like a tree in the house, and gets stressed about every needle that falls into the carpet, as well as how crowded the place seems to him with it in the house. So, after a few years, I stopped having a tree, and got one for the nephews and gave them our decorations. I would try other things, pine boughs, centerpieces, that sort of thing so I could have the fragrance of the fresh tree, but my husband just couldn’t deal with it and be happy.

For me, Christmas is about love, joy, peace, comfort, closeness, all the good things in life. To have the pine in the house robbed my husband of any of those things, which meant it also robbed me of it. So, I stopped trying to have the green in the house, and learned to find other things to signal the advent of Christmas joy! Traditions transition according to what works with who you are sharing them with.

(One side note is that I was always sick over Christmas, sometimes seriously. Usually, it was double pneumonia along with various other illnesses. Later in life, I found I was rarely ill during the holiday season, and then not nearly as seriously. A few years ago I learned that I am allergic to pine! And it is a BIG allergy with high numbers. God knew this all along, and allowed it to be revealed to me AFTER I had decided to give up my beloved pine in the house for love. It was a decision of love and consideration for my husband rather than a health decision, and that makes me happy! God is blessing me with my own personal health for this transition! He knew already whom I should be married to. Once again, I can be sure I have the right husband for me.)

I love wrapping the gifts, and even that had to change when we got our cat. She tears into it with such a joy and  vengence that, for a season of years, I didn’t bother to wrap things, and when I did, it was covered in tape everywhere and with repairs. There were notes that said, “wrapped with love by Shelley and Baby”. Too funny.

A few years ago, I found a two-foot tree that you just pull the branches down and fluff them, put the tree in the base and turn it on for color and light. I brought it home and set it on the bookshelf. My husband loved it! I thought I would hate a fake tree, but after all the years of no tree, it is great to have the beauty, color and light! Another tradition transition.

When we all were married and kids were coming along in the family, we needed more transitions. There were now in-laws, and our own mother as well to try to share time between. So, I suggested that we have a Christmas brunch in our family instead of the huge dinner. This allowed us to get together for gifts and food, but leave us open to have meals and family time with the in-law families and friends. It worked out real well for all of us.

The new “traditional meal” became biscuits and sausage (country) gravy, with scrambled eggs and orange juice. This was quick, easy and something everyone liked. We kept this tradition for a couple of decades, and it served us well.

One year, a friend of mine was having a personal crisis on Christmas day, and found herself alone and distressed. I was able to take over the reading from the advent booklet, a candle, some grape juice and some anointing oil and go to her, comfort her, and give the Lord an invitation to comfort and strengthen her. He did and we had a great time that afternoon. I could do that because of the changes in our family and personal traditions!

Often, I fix a ham dinner and invite my dear friend, Danette to join us for an early dinner. It works out well because her families gather for brunch and gifts, also. Then, each family goes to their own plans for the rest of the day. Sometimes, this leaves her alone for the rest of the day.  I decided to fix ham rather than turkey so that she can join us. She does not eat poultry, and my husband favors ham, so this works out for us all. She brings stocking stuffers, and I have some, too and we fill stockings for the three of us, just for fun. We also exchange gifts. Over the years that has also transitioned and we have been flexible as to how and when we do this.

One year, while Danette was living in Alaska, she came home in January rather than December, so we just adapted and did our Christmas together in January, and made changes as we saw fit. It was great fun!

In the past few years, things have changed again, and I, again suggested a new transition to my family.  I had learned that IHOP was opening for Christmas, during breakfast time and lunch. I thought that if we each covered our own expense, we could eat what we chose, enjoy it, not have to cook, clean or worry about who paid what for it all. My brother and sister-in-love who live in Chico joined us, along with their foster teens, and we all had a great time! We went back for opening gifts at their place, with their tree. It was wonderful!

We have now done breakfast at IHOP for Christmas for a few times, and this last couple of times we even opened gifts there. It didn’t lose any of the “feel” of Christmas like I was concerned about, because we enjoyed each other so much. Plus, the breakfast, itself was a special treat, another gift for each of us.

 This is Teri, my dear friend and sister-in-love.

This year, we had family come through town, but not at Christmas. They were with their kids and grandkids for Christmas, and we got our time with them on their way home. It was a good visit, and felt just as wonderful to have this many of us together in one place to share a meal of turkey sandwiches. 

Tradition is what we make it. We made it ourselves, and we can change it to meet the current need or desire, and to include whomever we wish. When we bring it into the present, it becomes a present to us.          

Tradition should never be a box to be held hostage in, or ever feel like a bondage. It is a thing of liberty, a celebration of its own kind to be shared as we desire.  

Recently, one of my favorite CD’s is my old Nancy Griffith CD that has the song, “Love at the 5 and Dime”. I just recently realized that I enjoy it because it is about a Woolworth Store! It is a warm fuzzy for me, and always will be.  I am thankful for the Woolworth Store that was a part of our famiy tradition and memories. I am thankful for family, for love, and for Traditions, those that remain, and those that transition to embrace our lives and loves.

I decided to blog on dinner! It was one of my bright spots in the day.

My dear husband and I both love fried chicken, but rarely have it because of the fat content, and the mess. I make mean chicken when I have time to do it up right, marinating it in buttermilk, and sprinkling lemon juice and seasonings on it, coating it in flour, crushed crackers or chips or any combo of the above, and frying it in butter. While it slow fries on low heat, basting it in more buttermilk if I feel like it. Melts in your mouth, but has a great crust on it, too. The problem is, it is too high in fat to have too often.

So, a while ago I started experimenting with other methods.

Our personal favorite is to rinse the chicken and shake off some of the water, toss it in seasoned flour (I just sprinkle the seasoning on later so I can control how much salt is on it…I prefer lemon pepper and a tiny bit of nature’s season) or cracker crumbs and place it in skillet spray with no stick pan spray. I use olive oil or butter flavored spray. Then, I spray the top side of the chicken, too to moisten the flour. Sometimes I sprinkle a little worchestershire sauce on it, but rarely feel the need for anything like that. I prefer the buttermilk to tenderize and moisten the meat if I am going to add anything.

I cook on medium-high heat for a while, then turn it down to keep it from getting too done on the outside while it finishes cooking. It is finished when the juices run clear. (If you cut it to test it, or press down on it while cooking, it will dry it out as you keep it on the heat.)

It turns out tender and has a great, but thin crust on it. Not too much flour sticks without egg or something to bind it, so it is not too high in carbs and essentially no fats but tastes like fried chicken. The other benefit is that it is not soaked in grease and is great the next day.

Today, I came home and fixed part of a piece of the fried chicken sliced up on my salad.

Gene likes it re-heated and put on a warm sandwich roll.

This is a piece of advice blogged on, and passed on, by Diane at thedianestory.wordpress.com

I read Diane’s post and thought, “What a great thing to blog on!”

It is reminiscent of my own childhood, when I began to ”count the blessings” in my life and remember how good God is, no matter what I was going through.

When I was a very small child, my favorite hymn was “Count Your Blessings” (name them one by one), and I sang it out loud, a lot, which I am sure my siblings and mom were tired of. I didn’t realize at the time that I was rehearsing a pattern of coming up into joy in the painful, lonely times. I was learning and gaining a pattern in my life of changing my mind (and life) by refusing to give place to depression and death.

I used this pattern the other night when I blogged on Christmas tradition and it’s transition in our lives to give me a warm fuzzy. I was so upset at not being able to pay bills, and then to find my Zune was gone! Waaah!!! No, wait! Let’s remember how awesome Christmas is!

Of all the things I have survived in my life, the separation of my parents a couple of weeks before my 8th birthday (Christmas) was the most painful, and the most difficult for me to cope with. It brought with it a lot of trauma,  abandonment and rejection. (The Bible says that divorce covers a house with violence. This is true.)

 I look back now, and realized that writing things down was a tremendous tool to help me get through, as well as counting my blessings. When I would sing that song, I would then start to count the blessings I could think of out loud. I believe this was the Holy Spirit instructing me in life. I am very certain that He taught me, and that He brought it up out of my belly by His Spirit, but I didn’t realize it then.

I have actually given similar advice to the TCPT Jouranl to young people, and to some my own age, in the past 20 years, without thinking of calling it by a name. I am very glad for Diane sharing her post on this, so I could see it by a name and define it with specifics (ten things).

ShelleyJo’s TDPT for today, November 1, 2008.

1. For God the Father (Papa), Jesus His Son (Big Brother), and the Holy Spirit in my life from the womb, and my healing in Him.

2. For the Bible, and for being given the love of it at a young age.

3. For my husband, who is the best one for me.

4. For the friendship of my mom and siblings that has been forged in our adulthood and through pain. It is precious and sweet! (For total forgiveness of my father and knowing I honestly want him in heaven with us.)

5. For dear friends in my life, who don’t abandon me, even when others would.

6. For all the young people in my family and life, and their precious friendship with me.

7. For a job I love and enjoy, and the health insurance it provides me.

8. For my Zune Mp3 player, which was lost and is now found!

9. For this computer, and the blogging pleasure it brings me.

10. For my cell phone and all it’s fun features, including the photos of my peeps and our beloved pets.

(Hmmm. I think I cheat by combining things to get more on there! LOL! Too hard to stick with Just ten. I’ve always had a problem making limited choices. I want it all!)

Hymn titled “Count Your Blessings”, by memory. I will have to look up the author.                                           

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Chorus:
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Chorus

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Chorus

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Chorus

(Been a long time, not sure of the third verse, but it is pretty close, I think ;O) )
I love the winky face just before the parenthasis, it looks like me with my double chin! LOL!

And, just blogging this has lifted me up for today.

Thanks, again Diane for sharing your TDPT blog and your story with us. Your destiny is great!

Post script:

Author of the hymn is Johnson Oatman, Jr., and…the words are correct! Wow!

Saturday, November 2, 2008

I am writing this after 7 in the morning, and haven’t been to bed yet.

I realized I was not going to rest well, so I decided to do the 12 hour glucose curve tests on our cat. Yes, our cat is an insulin dependent diabetic. A few times a year I stay up with her and poke her ear for blood to test at least every other hour. The optimum is every hour, so this time I have been shooting for every hour to hour and a half. This meant not even lying down to rest or I would not get up again.

We are almost at the end, with a couple of more times to go and we will be done for a few more months. Woo-Hoo!

I am not her favorite person right now, that is for sure. She has a way of folding her ears back and tightening them so you not only have to pull them out of the muzzle, but it cuts the blood flow as well, which makes it harder on both of us by morning. This last time, almost an hour ago, she tried to get away and run down the sofa with the muzzle covering her eyes. Poor Baby! Her little ears must be smarting.

In the interim, I also purged the pantry of a lot of it’s clutter and tossed a bunch of stuff, and am holding some aside for a yard sale. I had to figure out ways to safely store the different cereals and crackers. It is time for bugs to come indoors and I want to make it harder for them to get in to the foods.

I cleared the counters, and the computer desk area, and the table. Looks better, but still not done. Too much paper and piles of “stuff” all over this place. How much junk mail and paper can one person collect? Ugh!

I did a huge load of dishes from this project and felt good after that. I realized it was time for me to eat and cooked up some veges and eggs and a piece of toast. It was a nice, hot breakfast on a cold morning and smelled so good. Wonder if the fragrance came through the vents to the neighbors? It would have made them want a good breakfast.

Anyway, my work was too random and interrupted to be effectively done, but it is better than it has been in a couple of months. I am hitting the wall now and it will get harder to stay up. Then, it will be time for laundry to be taken down to the laundry room.

I am glad I was able to be somewhat productive, but need to do some more later this evening.

I wish I could work like this at normal hours of the day! Sometimes it sucks to be a late evening to night person, especially when you have to get up so early for work (4:40 a.m.).

11:00 a.m. on Sunday morning and we are finally done! Now, I get to shower and get ready to go to Teri’s for some photo-shop time with my old photos.

My kitty has forgiven me and is nuzzling me and purring. It is so amazing how she knows that it isn’t for hurt, but for her own sake. She is so good at taking her shots twice a day for these years, and will even wake us up when it is time if we are oversleeping. She can tell what she needs.

We will see what the vet has to say about her insulin levels. I have a feeling it is time to up the dosage a bit, which means more expense. sigh!

 

I

I was at my sister-in-love, Teri’s house Saturday and Sunday for a few hours each day, scanning photos of my life and family into her program. Actually, she was scanning them in and I was remarking helpfully.  ;-)

It was so much fun that I am ready to take over another, or as I say, “an entire ‘nother” batch of photos and do some more!

(Teri bought the Photo Shop program on a good sale recently and invited me over to play. Amazing program, by the way.)

Earlier on Saturday I was trying to get the house in order to some degree, and was working in the kitchen and dining room, which is also the computer area. As I was sorting papers on the desk, I came across a stack that were from an older notebook of mine, one that had notes from Christian Women’s conferences and retreats, church and meetings. I was skimming over this to see if I should keep these papers in a binder or toss them, and I noticed notes from a conference that I went to 1996. I had gone in to the prayer ministry room. Two women from Ohio were praying for me, and they each got words for me.

Before the words came, they were laughing softly, then openly laughing as soon as they laid hands on me (typical response, even from the most serious prophets when they touch me). They said that my ministry is unique, and it is! It is on love and forgiveness, but presented in a very unusual way.

The interesting part to read today is that “I have a sense of humor for a purpose”. That “I will talk of pain and sorrow, but because of who I am in Him it will bring joy, laughter and healing”. There were also words about “Him knowing my call and how all my pain will be useful. All of my life is useful, the whole combination of pain and suffering, joy and humor. It is for healing for the broken and for the lost to know Him”. Lots of other stuff, but for this blog, this is the part that is useful.

When I speak on sober and serious stuff, like forgiveness being a must and not an option, loving your enemies, blessing those who curse you, praying for those who despitefully use you, loving one another, loving your neighbor, etc. it is a hard one to deliver. You know, who wants to hear that no matter how they hurt, they need to let go and let God be the judge.

But, immediately as I begin to speak people are laughing. It is literally like I am a stand-up comedian. This last time, even the international prayer leaders of this ministry were laughing so hard that the husband had to put his hand on the ground to keep from rolling out of his pew! Honestly! Others were wiping tears away from laughing so hard, blowing their noses, holding their stomachs, no matter what I was saying!

On the one hand, it is great fun to watch happen, and in some ways, it feels real good. On the other hand, it can be concerning because I wonder if I am just entertaining the troops, or am I getting through with this critical message?

One time, I felt God speak to me that I was a sword with the message, and cutting straight to the depths of the heart, but that in order for them to be open to the sword and for the word to get in to the deep places, it had to be dipped in salve so they wouldn’t resist it, and to keep them from even noticing. Kind of like anesthesia in surgery. The salve in this case is my humor and the laughter.

A few other people have spoken this over me in various ways, and I began to think perhaps it was alright to be me in ministry. Perhaps my humor is a good thing after all.

Now, I have heard for a couple of decades how much joy and healing I can bring, and all the fine words. But for me,  there is something more valuable  in having relationships with the same people who speak these things to me. I tend to go, “uh-huh, okay”. and move on.

I have always been wierd, and quite often I am told so, by the very people for whom I will do whatever it takes to bring them a spot of joy when things are dark or difficult. So, it is a difficult thing to be such a strange person, to not be understood by any, yet to be loved by so many.

Back to this past Saturday, November 1, 2008.

Teri scanned in one of my favorite childhood photos. I am about 2 years old and our family is visiting my dad’s people in Missourri. I am sitting on a porch seat, between Aunt Harriet and an Uncle, with my cousin Jackie bending over us from behind.

As Teri scanned this badly damaged photo in and began to correct problems, it was enlarged so we could see the details clearly. It was clear to me that I was cracking them up, and they were having a good time with me, even at that age.

Mom has said that I was always holding full conversations on an adult level as soon as I could talk, which was at an earlier age than most. (You know, the million words I have, I started collecting before birth, I think.)

But, it is clear here that I was literally cracking them all up, the teen and the adults.

When I saw this, I realized that I have been cracking people up my entire life, literally!

I have noticed, now that I can take my own picture with my cell phone camera, that it is hard for me to get a “normal” face and expression for the picture. It turns out too comical or strange, just plain funny. I was made to be a hoot! As I noticed this in October of this year, I put it on video mode and spoke and moved and realized I am a born comic! Too funny. I thought, what a strange face! But then I started laughing and cracked myself up! Too funny!

Looking on more photos, I realize it is a family gift. All my siblings and I have this unique humor and faces. It comes out of each of us differently and individually, but it is the same gift with individual variances.

Truly, it has finally sunk in, this past weekend and is still sinking in as I write this. This is a gift! It is a gift from God for me and for those in my life, whomever they may be at any given moment. It is a blessing. It is alright to be a little wierdo. I was made this way on purpose, and it is a good thing to be.

Eets a geeft!                                                                                                                                                 

                                                                                          

SKIT: Can You Hear Me Now?
 
Revelation 3:20
  “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”
 
Question: What does this scripture say to you? How do you perceive this scripture? To whom is Jesus speaking?
 
Woman with dress, scarf over head, religious looking:

 

Comes into room and kneels, sighs with deep breaths. Says very breathily, “Father”. “Thou knowest how much thou art loved by me. Thou art more important to me than all mine own desires…”
 
Jerks head up, and yells in an angry voice: “Shut up, you STUPID brats! Can’t you just be quiet and pretend you aren’t here? I am PRAYING!!!!”
 
Bows head and in a breathy voice: “Ah, Father! I so adore Thee. I pray that Thou fillest me with Thy great love, and revealest to me Thy great treasures out of the darkness so that….
 
Gets up, angrily and quickly. “I SAID, SHUT UP!” “NOW! I am praying to the Heavenly Father, you little morons. Do I have to come in there and make you wish you had never been born, you rotten little monsters?” Where is your father? Lazy as usual…leaving.
 
Exits room.
 
Woman dressed in sneakers and exercise or casual wear, like shorts, etc.:
 
Comes in so busy, in a hurry, breathless from the hustle, chatting, doing all the talking without taking time to listen.
 
Okay, God. I am so busy but I thought I would just check in and have a chat with you real quick, okay, Buddy?…okay?…Hummm!
 
Well, anyway. I was just noticing how I am so busy, and working so hard at everything, you know, and nice to everyone too! And so, well anyway I was wondering why all of my stuff seems to be falling apart and I can’t afford to replace it. So, like, what is that?…Hello?
 
I mean, like, You said that if we work hard our hard work and kindness will be rewarded, didn’t You? So, what’s Your deal? HELLO!!
 
Huhm. Here I am chatting with You and you don’t even answer! Well, whatever!
 
Still being busy.
 
I do really love you. I mean, I am not only doing everything there is to do here at home, with practically NO help at all, and then I teach the Sunday School class, and then I go to Bible Study. I never complain, either. Then, this goes on with my car, and the kids just keep on getting sick, and then mom is in the hospital! Well, obviously I would be upset. But I just want to thank you for the new cars you have provided for most of my friends. I am happy about that. I would like one myself, any time now. But, I really am concerned for the health issues the most I guess.
Hello!? Are You there? Hello-o-o?
 
Still moving about, doing busy things.
 
Oh! Well, okay. Sure. Alright. I KNOW that I have not spoken to Sister Sue at church in awhile. Okay, 3 months. I know we used to sit by each other and sing together in worship, share meals and laugh a lot. I miss that…but if you remember, SHE offended me!!! I mean, like what a rude thing to have said, and behind my back and all! I heard all about it, and You KNOW they are a very reliable source. I was just as shocked as You must be! I thought we were committed to love one another. Remember?
Um, okay…Can You Hear Me?  Silence for a moment.
 
I am sorry I have not been reaching out to her, You know, so if You will convict her soon so she will apologize to me, then I can forgive and release her and we can all feel better, okay?
 
So, I am so excited about the new child care center coming into town. Those women really seem to have their stuff together, don’t you think?…
 
Quiet… Can You Hear Me NOW?
 
sigh! Okay…
 
Go to phone, pick up receiver and call Sister Sue.

“Hi, Sue? Hello. You know, umm, we haven’t been together for awhile and …I really miss you! Yeah, I know.

Please forgive me for my part, too okay? I know I should have gotten in touch with you sooner…me, too. Say, lets get together and talk this out, okay? I really do miss you! Okay, our favorite spot at 11:00. See you there! Bye now.”
 
Hang up receiver.
Softly, genuine… Can You hear me now?….
pause…
            Good!
 
Revelation 3:21
  “To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

 

by ShelleyJo Wilkinson

Orange Bran Flax Muffins

Mom brought some of these muffins when she came to visit. They are yummy!

She gave me a copy of the recipe, so I am sharing it with you. When I start a morning with one of these and an egg, or with some almond butter on one, I am full for hours, and have no cravings, hunger or weakness. Plus, it keeps you moving, if you know what I mean.

Keep them frozen, and pull a few out at a time into a baggie in the fridge and they stay very moist and fresh.
Today, I didn’t have the full amount of raisins, so I added a mashed up banana. They are good! I think you should be able to change the fruit around, but the golden raisins are wonderful in it and stay moist.)
Enjoy!

Orange Bran Flax Muffins

Dry
1 1/2 cups oat bran
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup flaxseed, ground
1 cup wheat bran
1 Tbsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
 
Wet
2 oranges, quartered
and seeded
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup olive oil (recipe: canola)
2 eggs
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 cups golden raisins
 

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
Grind the flaxseed if it is not ground already. Measure first, then grind.

2. Line two 12-cup muffin pans with paper liners, or coat the pans with cooking spray.

3. In a large bowl, combine oat bran, flour, flaxseed, wheat bran, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

4. In a blender or food processor, blend the oranges first.
Then combine the oranges, brown sugar, buttermilk, oil, eggs and baking soda.
Blend well.

5. Pour orange mixture into the dry ingredients. Mix until well blended.

6. Stir in raisins.

7. Divide batter evenly among muffin cups.

8. Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

9. Cool in the pans for 5 minutes before removing to a cooling rack.

Makes 24 muffins.

Per muffin:
186 calories, 4 g protein, 30 g carbohydrate, 8 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 18 mg cholesterol, 3 g fiber, 140 mg sodium, 4 g flaxseed.

Recipe courtesy of Flax Council of Canada and Saskatchewan Flax Development Commission.

Note: We know this muffin is higher in fat than what we usually recommend. However, nearly half the fat is alpha-lipolenic acid – the plant version of omega-3, which is sorely missing in most diets. We think it is worth finding room for this muffin in your daily low-fat plan.

Shelley’s Note:

I grind the whole flax seed in my vita-mix, and I have also used a coffee bean grinder, which works great. You can also find the flax seed already ground into flour in most supermarkets.

 

 

 

December 3, 2003   Evening

 

   (Published in ‘The color of Life’, the International Library of Poetry  2004)

 

Where Is The Love?

Oh, how my sad heart weeps and grieves
the loss of love and care
My heart, it searches for the warmth
but can I find it there?
I search and search, but hope deferred
Makes my heart sick and low
Do we not know it’s love that wins
all battles here below?
Faith is supreme, and hope divine
but its love that covers all.

How can we say that we love God
and on His name are calling
When all the while we fail to care
as the ones He loves are falling?
The time is coming when His heart beats
through the likes of you and me.
And at that time the world will see
true love’s reality.
Until that day I’ll watch and pray
and stand in faith believing.

 

Response to Writer’s Devotional, pg. 189 – Writing through the hurts…

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
                                       (2 Corinthians 1:3,4, NIV)
 
This has been an interesting devotional by Melody Rondeau, in which the emphasis is on our times of pain, and on the question, “How can I write encouraging things in times of pain?” Also, emphasis is given to the fact that these “low” times are times of preparation and of discovery of God, Himself.

The response is to be started with the phrase, “Heavenly Father, I sense now is the time…”
 
Truthfully, I would like to respond to the most profound thing written in this devotion, and that is the first half of the above scripture.

Many times I have remembered and quoted this scripture, and always the emphasis has been on the latter part of the scripture, “so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

However, I was struck this morning by the first part of this scripture, knowing that I have read it many times, and wondering if I have ever really seen it before. Has it ever leapt off the page at me the way it did this morning? If so, how is it that I have forgotten it?

As I checked my own Bible to see if I have made any of my usual markings in it, even a date that would suggest a time of impact, I realize that this is a different translation, and the wording is quite different. Yes, I have highlighted, underlined, dated, and commented on this scripture many times. Yet, the wording here does change the emphasis considerably.
 
In my own translation, NKJV, the first part says, “3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, …”
 
In the above translation, NIV, the first part says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all our troubles, …”
 
Heavenly Father, I sense now is the time for me to see with new eyes this familiar scripture, one which I love and am comforted by. I sense that this time, I am to see something of You, Yourself and of Your own nature.

   The change I see in this verse and the way that it is worded, is that in the NIV translation You are named as the God of all our troubles, and that is greatly comforting to me.
   On the one hand, You are mentioned as the God who comforts us in all our tribulation, and on the other hand, You are mentioned as the God of all our troubles.

As comforting as it is to know You as the One who comforts us in all our troubles, and I know You are faithful for this, it is much more comforting to know You as the God of all our troubles.

In this thought, You are much more than comforter, You are controller, tempering the trouble to just the right degree, perhaps even orchestrating the trouble for my life, personalizing it, tailoring it to me, weaving it from the threads of my own choices and of all that comes my way.

To know You in this way, knowing that it is Your hand, and not some enemy who is the God of all my troubles, is too wonderful a thought.

I have often prayed, and I can remember now those many prayers sent up to You, asking of You that nothing could touch me from an enemy hand, but only that which is from Your own hand.

Praying, speaking to You that knowledge that any breaking and bending done by Your hand is good, and that You are perfect and have my best at heart. Asking that You will just make me aware, give me knowledge and understanding at the time needed.

That You will see to it that I will not resist the work of Your hand in my life, that I will sit under the pressure of Your good hand, trusting You to make it right, to make me right. Trusting You to not allow the enemy or man to break me or bend me. These do not have my best at heart, but You surely do. I can trust You to break me just right, to bend me perfectly, to apply the right amount of pressure and heat to mold me into Your image.
From earliest childhood I remember the old hymn,
 
Have Thine own way, Lord
Have Thine own way
Thou art the Potter
I am the clay
Mold me and make me
After Your will
While I am waiting
Yielded and still.
 
I loved that hymn then, and I love it more now. The words echoing Your word, etched in my heart, graven into me through life…the God of all our troubles. Praise be to God!

You are not just my God, but the God of the trouble. You alone are the God of the great fires of Southern California. You alone are the God of the wars, the earthquakes, the storms, the poverty, the trials of this life and those around me.

 You are the God of the trouble, and You are my God. I will not be afraid in trouble, for You are the God of all our troubles, and I know You. I know Your name, I speak Your name, and I call on Your name. Better yet, You know my name!
 
And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own.
And the joy we share
As we tarry there
None other has ever known.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Most amazing transformation
As the God of all creation
Talks with me! 
 
I love these songs as well.

In the Garden, that wonderful old hymn, and In His sanctuary, a wonderful contemporary song of my own generation.

 All these songs proclaiming the same truth, You are the God of all creation, the God of all our troubles, and You walk with me and talk with me, knowing my name, and teaching me Yours.

I love You so. I trust You as the God of all my troubles. Forgive me when I fail to recognize or speak this truth. Forgive me for forgetting that You are the One in Who’s hand are all my troubles. Fill me to the fullest fullness of the faith, peace, joy and grace of knowing You in this way.

You will save me, because I have set my heart upon You and I know Your name. Thank You!

It is written that You have said, “I wound, and I heal, I kill, and I make alive… I know many who just can’t see You this way. For me, it is comforting to know that You love me so much that You will do what it takes to develop me into Your daughter, Your bride, the one who is to reflect Your light, and the fruit of Your Spirit.

How can that happen if I am not molded, fashioned and disciplined by my Father? How can I possibly develop if left on my own?

It is written: the one whom the Father loves, He chastens. You love me enough to not let me stay where I am. You love me enough to be more than my comforter, but also the God of my troubles. Letting me get knocked down and then picking me up, setting in motion my learning and developing, my growing, and my own ability to have compassion, which is mentioned in the latter part of the above scriptures.

 If I am left to my own selfishness, how will I ever have compassion to extend to another? You love us too much to leave us without compassion for others, and from others. You love us too much to leave us here.

 You love us too much to leave us.

Thank You, Papa!

At Your feet we humbly bow
Surrendering fully to You now

Anything from You we keep
Is Yours to take while we’re asleep

That in the morning we may rise
So light, so free, clear sight and eyes

Our enemies we will not fear
nor flaming arrow, sword or spear

Clothed in humility and grace
all our armor in its place

We stand, we watch, we wait for you
For as we pray your Word so true

We trust and know that as You come
Your answer comes with You.
 
ShelleyJo Wilkinson
February 13, 2007    10:45 P.M.

“PLAIN” INDIAN RICE

Cook Time: 20 minutes with Basmati Rice
45 minutes with Brown rice (I prefer the Basmati)

Ingredients:
1 cup Basmati or Brown Rice
1 tsp. Sunflower oil (I sometimes use olive oil, but it is heavier), (I am personally allergic to sunflower)
1/2 tsp. Mustard seeds (easily found in health food stores)
1/2 tsp. Cumin seeds (easily found in health food stores)
3&1/2 cups water
1 tsp. sea salt (okay, so I use the iodized)
1/4 tsp. fresh ground black pepper

Instructions:
-In medium saucepan (I use a skillet with a lid), heat oil, Mustard seeds and Cumin seeds on Med-hi heat.
-Watch carefully so as not to burn, and to notice when the mustard seeds “pop”.
-When mustard seeds “pop” add water, rice and salt.
-Bring to boil.
-Cover and reduce heat to low.
-Simmer 15 minutes for the Basmati, 35-40 minutes for the Brown rice.
-Add pepper.
-Mix well.
-Serve immediately.
Serves 4
From Regina Greer

When Feeling Downtrodden By Your Own Shortcomings 

1 John 1:5-10 NKJV (Italics mine):

God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.

Dear Heart,

I just read this one, and some things in it just highlighted to me.

Remember how I said that no matter what others would say or what things looked or felt like, I always stood on the “knowledge” and belief that your heart is good, and pure? And that if you knew there was sin or offense, I just “knew” and expected that you would be humble, broken, repent, and etc.

It was in your character, as far as I could see, and with what I felt about you while in your company. That no matter what needed maturing or refining, you were with our Father and I could count on Him to finish the work in you (and I referred to this latter part of our sister as well, remember?) and that you would have the heart to hear and obey the Father.

Well, dear, sweet, heart. It is THE mark of a true believer that is walking in the light. Not that we do not sin, or offend (we ALL do!), but rather our response to it that makes us genuine and true. You have the hallmarks of walking in the light, his Glory to be seen in you and it was tested in intense fire and you have gained this glory the hard way.

You are confessing and repenting.

Now, the blood is powerful enough to purify the worst of sins. Grieve over your own failures, but don’t camp under them. Recognize that you, like all the rest of your siblings, cannot please God by being ‘a god’ with perfection, but rather by coming to Him in a spirit of true humility and brokenness, and a deep and burning desire to please Him, and walk in whatever He has you to do, however humbling.

This verse clearly states instruction for responding to your own sin in order to walk in the light, meaning that He knows and expects that we will sin from time to time, and He has it covered with His blood and these instructions (as well as others).

When you have done grieving a reasonable amount of time, you must come up into the joy that His forgiveness (and your receiving of it) has produced in you! That is the hallmark of realizing just how magnificent a God we are friends with. His grace IS sufficient. His blood does CLEANSE completely and we
are truly clean and FREE as long as we have been genuine.

That is why others should be beating a path to our Father’s house, because of liberty apart from our
own perfection!

Be free! God is doing this, and not we ourselves. Remember that all of this, and the same and similar offenses have been committed for “generations” before you in this ministry and churches (the body), and we have had our seasons of repentance, too (and meant it).

During this time, He is dealing a death blow to the thing and I believe that root will be uprooted. That is why we have been literally paired to almost nothing, in this ministry, and in our lives. And this, too is good.

The fruit of it all is life, and death has no place in life.

We are all learning, sweetheart and we always will be. Once we realize that, and walk in that knowledge (that we are always growing, learning, falling down, getting up, falling down, getting up, messing ourselves, urping up on ourselves, griming others with our messy hands, periodically tantruming, or being drama queens, thinking we know more than our parents, etc. and, that our Father of Lights is not asking anything more of us than to be at the maturity and age we are in Him, and to continue to press on in growing up) then we are FREE.

We can just learn from it, get through it, not have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, watch as He redeems it all, and keep on growing. Just as it is in the natural but better, because His grace meets the people (and ourselves) in spite of ourselves! We can be as immature and imperfect as we are and STILL
bear fruit because HE is the Lord of the Harvest.

Be free. He will not fail us, and as long as we live in what His word is saying as best we can, at every given moment, and repent when we haven’t, we will bear fruit. Period.

Our failures are not powerful things. Our attitude and heart condition are!

The fruitfulness comes not in the “not failing” but rather in the response to the failing.

It is not the offenses that come (whether by us to others or by others to us), but our response to those offenses (as well as their response to them) that produce or kill fruit.

Jesus said, offenses will come, and more as the day approaches. Many will fall away at the end because of offenses!

They WILL increase. This is why we are being honed to bleeding in this area. He did not say, never offend or be offended, but to love and respond correctly when they do!

You are doing this. Be patient in long suffering and tender mercy with yourself too, as you are one of His as much as the others are. Know that this has been an incredible learning time, and a time of character and building of propriety, as well as those other things we have read in His word last night.

The reason I had to walk through it under many leaders, for so many years in silence and without relief seeming to come, is to learn to be more like David, who only took his rightful place when it was due season. He would not let others follow him prematurely, speak against Saul, nor take Saul’s life early. This would have killed his own destiny! (As we see in his son, Absalom.)

God did the work and brought him into his destiny, in spite of his grievous and very public sins against an entire (God-favored) nation, and individuals, too! When I get too bowed under my own failings and sins, I re-read David’s life and say, here is my example of how to come into victory in spite of myself, because God…

I love you , sweetheart.

Hangeth thou in there. The time is at hand. ShelleyJo
“egal was es Kostet” (No matter the cost.)

(Actually, I like my other ’signature”, too. Want to see it? 
LOL! Here it is; . . .

ShelleyJo
And Jesus said, This is My body…. … … Eat Me!) 

Shalom, Shalom.

This was an email written to a dear friend on February 3,  2005. She advised me to keep it and write a book of such letters. LOL! I felt today that there may be someone who would benefit from reading it, so I edited it for public reading. God bless you.

Shelley’s Chicken Divan serves: 6-8 people

Ingredients:
- 1 bunch broccoli, cut up
    or 1 (16 oz.) package frozen
    broccoli or broccoli/cauliflower
- 2-3 chicken breasts
- 1 cup cheddar cheese, grated

Sauce ingredients:
1. – 1 can cream of celery soup
2. – 1 cup mayonnaise
3. – 3 tsp. curry powder
4. -1 1/2 cups chicken broth
5. -1 tsp. lemon juice
 
Crumb Topping Ingredients:
 1. - 2 TBS. margarine, melted

 2. – 1 cup bread crumbs, dry

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Preparation:
Steam broccoli for 10 minutes.

Par boil chicken in enough water to cover breasts; remove breasts to plate, reserving broth.

Cool, De-bone and cut breasts into large chunks.

Place broccoli in bottom of a greased or Pam sprayed 10″ x 6″ baking dish.

Place chicken pieces over broccoli cuts.

Sauce:
(Note: the sauce ingredients may be halved and still have plenty. See note below for amounts needed.)

Combine soup, mayonnaise, curry powder, (reserved) chicken broth, and lemon juice. Mix well.
Pour sauce evenly over chicken layer.
Sprinkle cheese evenly over sauce.

Crumb Topping:
Melt margarine and combine with crumbs.
Sprinkle crumb topping evenly over cheese layer.

Bake, uncovered in preheated, 350 degree oven for 30 minutes.

Remove from oven when center is bubbly and heated through.

Let stand for 5-10 minutes before serving.
If you use the entire sauce quantity, then you may need to use an 11″ x 7″ baking dish.

Serving suggestion:
It will be very saucy, and the sauce is great over steamed rice, noodles or boiled potatoes.
I cook the rice in the leftover chicken broth from the cooking of the breasts, lemon pepper and fluff with parsley. I love to serve chilled fruit or fruit salad with this, also. It is a refreshing compliment to the sauce.

Yummy!

To halve the sauce recipe, use:
1/2 can cream soup
1/2 c. mayonnaise
1 1/2 tsp. curry powder
3/4 c. chicken broth
1/2 tsp. lemon juice

This is one of Gene’s favorite meals, and he HATES broccoli!

Shelley’s Notes (from an episode of Focus on the Family)

December 28, 1999
 
Hebrew Poetry and Song/Psalms:

Hebrew poetry is different than western poetry. Rhyme is not the essential element.

Parallelism is the essential element.

The emphasis is on how the thoughts and ideas are arranged, how the lines are put together.
 
Construction as follows:

First is reflection, thinking of a situation/feelings.

Then you jot down thoughts on the subject of situation/feelings. Write from your life.
So,
Line 1 is the subject.
Line 2 is either:
1) Similar- repeat the same thought as the first line stated differently, in another way. Or:
2) Dissimilar- contrast. Or:
3) Constructive-adds and builds on to the subject.
 
Continue repeating options 1-3, as in line 2, for each line and stanza throughout the poem/Psalm.
 
Can use questions or statements in any phase, as listed above in 1-3.
 
Think of an experience.

Scribble, write furiously, pages if necessary.

Then think about it and sort it out.

Concentrate.

Choose what is useful to best express your thoughts and feelings.

Think about the words that are the most fitting to best express what you are trying to convey, the emotion of it, or the senses.

Add word pictures, as you are able.

It feels and reads like poetry. It has rhythm.

I Remember
 
I remember hearing “the baby” share
 the Love of Jesus with the boy from down the road.

I remember listening as that boy himself  
 received the Love of Jesus readily.

I remember hearing the news
 that this boy from down the road

had died. So suddenly, with such finality.
 No more chances to hear of such great Love.

Yet, now he knew this great love personally.
  I remember sadness that the boy was taken early.

I remember relief as I realized ”the baby”                                                                                                             had shared His Jesus in just the right time.                                                                                                 

I remember awe, of such love
 in the heart of “the baby”, Davey.

Response to: 100 Motivational Moments for Writers and Speakers               

-Writing Creatively-pg. 21-22

 

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…And God created man in His own image. (Genesis 1:1 and 1:27a, NAS)

 

This essentially says that God is creative, and suggests that man is, too.

 

  Lord, Give me the freedom to be my creative self.

 

Lord, my creative self, which you made unique unto me, has started…

  to stir in the depths of my being, having been long dormant. As yet unknown, now awakened so rudely from the deep slumber, which has carefully hid and protected it’s secret.

  Awakened! How? Through one simple word of the prophet, expertly sent with precision, cutting the cover from the mystery of the buried treasure…the written word. A writer! Me?

  Now the process of awakening has begun, and there is no way to get the lid back on the thing. It creeps up, peering out often, sometimes pushing and clamoring, capturing my attention so that I must think of it.

  Alive! the word has aroused in me a knowledge I never had before. I am to write! Outrageous as it seems, it is truth, real truth. I know it, and cannot deny it any longer. I must recognize it and acknowledge it for the thing that God has placed within me. 

  Nervousness has come with this knowledge. For now, there accompanies this word a responsibility. Responsibility to pursue something I’ve never even thought of before and as yet am completely ill equipped for. Trying desperately to ignore it, even forget it, I am unable to escape it’s demand to be expressed.

  It was so much easier to question why.

  Why do I have so many more words than others have? Why do I use so many more words than others use? (How then, can I be so devoid of them at times, finding nothing but silence? Words it seems would only mess things up.)

  Why do I love words, whether hearing them, or looking at the printed word?

  Why does it not always matter what the words are, just the sight of them refreshes my soul and spirit?

  Why am I comforted just to lie with God’s word open on my chest, the words over my heart and lungs, bringing me peace when I am too weary to read?

  What is the deal with me, and this love for paper-whether printed on with words or blank, with ink, pencils, pens, calligraphy, notebooks, binders, books, etc? Why do I collect so much empty paper? Why do I so love the smell of ink, and always have? (I remember the smell of the mimeographed pages that the teacher would bring to us, fresh from the machines…heaven!)      

                             

  Why do I have such difficulty letting go of a book, even though I have not looked at it again?

  Why is it that, of all my mother’s possessions, the only ones I really want or desire are the old family Bibles, the old love letters of my grandparents, the poems and writings of my mother, and the old recipe books? Words! How I love them!

  Why do I so enjoy word pictures, plays on words, jokes that center around words and the way they are turned, used and interpreted? Why do I so enjoy other languages, even though they are a mystery to me? Just to hear the cadence, tones and rhythms of words bring such pleasure. To look at words written in other languages, though foreign to me, is pure pleasure.

  Hmm…could it be that at the core of my being this gift of writing words was tiring of it’s captivity? Have they been clamoring to get my attention all along?

  Pity that I did not know the gift of God within me!

  Oh! How I wish I had recognized the treasure within me. How I regret the shame and embarrassment of being so different, of being such a word person.

  Forgive me, Lord for being ashamed of it, for rejecting the way I am made, for believing a lie.

  Forgive me for believing that no one would be interested in anything I would write, as I have experienced so often in conversation.

  This sleeping giant, rising within me will not be left silent. The thoughts and words are surging to the surface, demanding to be written!

  Surely, it only matters if I am faithful to write what You, my Lord give me to write!

  Help me, Lord to write all You have placed within me, and all that You will!

  Teach me the ways, skills, and knowledge of writing.

  Place within my life those who will mentor me, and who will correct and encourage me along the path you have given for me. This is my prayer. Open the way for me, and I will walk through it!

Sharing once more with you my thoughts for the day.  
 
Response to: 100 Motivational Moments for Writers and Speakers
 
Trust Him-by Bea Carlton  pg. 39, 40
 
 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 KJV
 
In this article, she says, “I ask for inspiration; then trust Him for it”. also:
  “Sometimes our beginning writing isn’t good enough to sell, but we can trust Him to help us there, too. We must be willing to practice our craft, learning the perfecting. And He will give us peace of mind while He works out a path for us.”
 
 Holy Father, I’m entrusting…
    my life to You with all of it’s brokenness and ruin. I trust You, Heavenly Father, my Abba-Papa with the plan and purpose for which You made me.
  I am entrusting to You the perfection and completion of my faith.
  The finished product a unique masterpiece formed from fragments and shards of my own choices and endeavors.
  The tapestry woven from the isolated strands of my life, and the remaining fibers of my being.
  Threads, sometimes unseen, sometimes frayed, thin, or dull in color, too bulky, washed out, too loud or brilliant all being sewn in, out, and underneath, a weaving of my Master’s piece.
  I squirm and get vocal, or shrink back in silence, chafing, groaning within. “No! Not that one!” I would toss, even long to forget the remaining threads and shreds of that particular segment of my life.
  “Why? Why use those? What good purpose can come of this?”
   Oh. Oh, yes…
       taking my hands off and relinquishing all control, by choice I trust my Master Designer.
  Taking my mouth and closing it to impulse.
  Taking hold of my thoughts and praising You for knowing all things.
  Thanking You for using my ‘waste places’ and rebuilding my own, personal ruins.
  Thanking You for salvaging the darkness, yes especially my own, and finding it useful, even worthy for Your creation.
  The cutting, tearing, piercing, pulling, knotting, twisting-Oh!-yes the pain and the distress from the working out of Your artistry in me, in my life.
  Thanking You, too for this. For caring enough to do what is best for the finished product, not allowing me to whimper back too long and hinder Your great work.
  Yes, I will trust You, trusting You still. Even thanking You more and increasingly more as the days go on.
  Faithful You are to the finished work, the completion of who I am in You, the fulfillment of the purpose for my life, and finally arrival at my destiny!
  Trusting as You weave my dark places into Your light, creating shadows, richness of color. The loud thing complementing perfectly the quietness for just the right picture.
  The various strands woven in for texture. Was that the thin thread that I thought would surely snap and never withstand?
  And what is this? The bulky piece that I was sure could never belong in my Master’s piece now adding just the right amount of depth and softness.
  And the frayed pieces, adding fiber and unique texture, standing out, yet flowing.
  The knotted pieces adding dimension.
  Oh! How did You ever think of where to use all this?
  What is it to be, this finished tapestry? How is it that You see me?
  Trusting You for the right picture, knowing that one day I, too will see.

Fingerprint of God, love God by loving each other.                                          

Earth is a hard place to live, but in our living here we are given our own, personal opportunities to love God.

We express our love for God each time we show love to our brothers and sisters, His ‘other kids’. And also when we love those ’still on the outside’, those kids of His yet to be born.

Every moment we are still here says not only that we still have a purpose here, but also says He is trusting us to love Him still. It is an entrusting to us with His family, His loved ones. (Tim. 6:19-21~…guard what was committed to your trust…which is referring to the Holy Spirit in us, the fruit of Whom is Love…)

Song: I can see the fingerprints of God when I look at you! ~ resonates in me, and plays in my mind whether or not I have heard it recently.

In Exodus 31:17-19 and 32:15-17, (and in Deuteronomy 9:10-12) we see the first mention that God wrote with His own finger on tablets of stone, writing on the tablets what was originally called ‘the Testimony’ and the perpetual covenant, later to be called the commandments (law).
  (Also, in these chapters 31 and 32 of Exodus we see Moses as the great intercessor of the people, his brothers and sisters, though they deserved great wrath and judgment, and though the cost of their sin was great to himself. He not only pleaded for their salvation, but also, as he stood in a position of knowing God, He was able to remind Him of His own testimony to the nations through His people.)
 
The finger of God is still this day writing His testimony on us, tablets of flesh, as the testimony of His grace and love.
 
2 Cor. 3:2-4 States: “You are our epistle (letter, written instruction, message or command) written in our hearts, known and read by all men; you are manifestly (to make known or visible what has been hidden or unknown, make actual, realized, be made known of a person, expose to view, to show one’s self, to be plainly recognized, thoroughly understood who and what one is) an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink, but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is of the heart.”

In John 13:34,35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

We have a new commandment written upon the flesh of our hearts that should be able to be read by others, testifying of God’s goodness in each of our lives ~ love one another.
 
1 Peter 4:7-10 And above all things have fervent (stretched out, stretched forth, over, towards; put forth, cast, earnestly, without ceasing) love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.
Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.
As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold (various colours, variegated, of various sorts) grace of God.

Hebrews 10:24,25
“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the day approaching.”

1 Peter 2:17 Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.
 
In these scriptures, it becomes clear that there is a purpose for every member of this body, this brotherhood that we are born into. It is even clearer that each person has an important part, and separate, various gifts, as well as various expressions of the grace of God-even showing the colors of God and His grace!

The more of us that are present together, the more known the grace and love of God become, visible in and through us. As we honor all people, and they witness our love for one another, they will come in. They will see a more complete picture of the variety of God’s grace and more readily come to Him, realizing that they too have a place, a part, their own colour, and that there is room for yet one more.
 
Not only should we stir up the gift of God that is in us ourselves (2 Tim. 1:6), but we should also consider each other to stir up love and good works (Heb. 10:24, above). We are to be exhorters, all of us with the gifts we have, encouraging each other, building each other up. In so doing, we stir up the love and individual variety of good works of the whole group.
 
Now, as the scripture says in John 17:20-23 
“That they all may be one as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.
And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one:
I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.”
  …in other words, separately together. He thinks of us as one-together. In the trinity of God, there are three separate beings, each with His own personality and purpose. (1 John 5:7) Yet, they all three together are one God. Separately together.
 
We are all connected and each one part of the whole body, yet each part is also separate. We each have our own individual identity, but must remember that we are all one body, and the body has an identity of its own, also.
 
We are to know and maintain our own individual purpose and destiny, while also remembering the corporate purpose and destiny-that the world may know Him.
 
1 Corinthians 12:12, 26,27
“For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ.
And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.
Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.”
 
Remember also that to lose one is to be amputated.
 
And not just that if we lose the little toe, we have a toe amputated, but potentially the whole foot, or worse! Not only do we as individuals have influence in our own “personal circle”-those we touch, but we also have those we touch who are ’still on the outside’!

So, what if that part of the foot was to be the one to connect to each part of the foot, keeping it all together and functioning, yet was cut off, or cut itself off? Where would the foot be then? What if the ankle on that side of the body decided to go with the foot? And what about the knee on that side? Without the foot, where would the whole body be?
  …Disabled. Moving and functioning, but with great difficulty, with less freedom and ease, and certainly not with the beauty and grace that was intended.

Who would want to be part of that body?

Yet our Lord and Savior chooses to be the head of this body, which has such a pattern of self injury and mutilation!  He sees the finished work in the body, and is patient with us until the work is complete.
 
Are we, as His body, showing the beauty of His grace?
 
In Matthew 7:22,23 (which is given in context of bearing fruit and doing the will of the Father) we see people standing before the Lord, thinking and believing that they are His. They are reminding Him of all their great exploits, having prophesied in His name, having worked miracles in His name, etc. It is interesting that they have been riding on, and cashing in on, the authority of His name and it has had the power and effect desired, with the fruit being that those things were performed. 

Yet He says here, I never knew you! They were not part of His own body, yet they believed they were.
It was possible for these to perform miracles, signs and wonders in His name without ever knowing Him, or being known by Him.

It is my belief that since it says He never knew them, yet they seemed to think they knew Him, it is quite possible that they even read the word, quoted it and prayed, perhaps even feeling some “anointing”. Yet He says He did not know them. 

They thought He knew them, and so obviously they were not in touch with what really mattered to Him.
 
His mark-fingerprint-was not on them, nor His name.

Is it possible that this was because they did not love Him by loving their brothers and sisters? Or by loving their neighbors? Did they cut themselves off thinking they did not have to ‘put up with’ these others?
 
He says if we love Him we will love one another, that we cannot love Him and withhold love from each other.

The truth is that while many are moving in great gifts, not all are bearing the fruit of His Spirit, and the first fruit listed in Galatians 5:22 is love. Could loving the brethren be the firstfruit that He desires for us to bring Him?
 
In 1 John 2:9-11 it says the “He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother is in darkness until now.
He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him.
But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know here he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.”
 
1 John 2:5 “But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him.
 
1 John 1:5-9
“This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.
If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
 
If we walk in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and then when we confess our sins they will be cleansed. I believe break in fellowship can very much block the cleansing of sin in each of us.
 
Notice how many times He has to tell us, even command us to love one another. Obviously it is not natural, and does not come easily. It is certainly not in reference to the love that we extend to those we like to love and get along with.
 
This must be the tough love that comes from pressing into Him, through whatever the problems and natural responses we would have, and insisting on obeying Him, no matter the cost.
 
Love is obedience in action.
It is really not a feeling at all, or even a warm fuzzy. It is an act of the will.
 
I choose to obey, because it is the highest expression of love for My Father in heaven, and of Christ who sacrificed all for me, for us all.
 
It really is not about you, or me. It is about us in Him, so that the world may know Him.

I choose to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love my neighbor- the one who is in need (Luke 10:29-37) as myself. I choose to love the brotherhood of Christ, whether they please me or not, whether I agree with them or not, whether I like them or not, whether they love me or not.

Easy or hard. I will love my brothers and sisters. Easy or hard.
 
May the finger of God write the testimony of His grace and love in each of our lives.
ShelleyJo
“egal was es Kostet” (No matter the cost.)

                                        

Hi, everyone.

Diane tagged me with this blog, which I had just read on Sarah’s page the day before, LOL! For those of you who don’t know me, I am Diane’s friend-for-life, whether she wants it or not! ;O)  I have been her mom’s friend since high school and have known Diane all of her life.

thedianestory.wordpress.com

I hope you all don’t mind me tagging you and adding you to my links. I am checking your blogs, anyway from Diane’s links and love how you love her.  When you respond to her, just copy the same thing in response to mine so it is not more work for you. Nice to “meet” you all by way of your blogs. I love what you share there. ShelleyJo

Here are the rules: “MY UNSPECTACULAR QUIRKS”

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Mention the rules on your blog
3. Tell 7 unspectacular quirks about you

4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

                                                                                                         

 My 7 Unspectacular Quirks:

1. I love God and people. No matter what I am writing on or speaking on, it seems this weaves its way into it, and flows through it, no matter the assigned theme. I very much enjoy working with developmentally disabled adults. The Lord just, very simply, is my BEST FRIEND and I cannot leave Him out of things. Just can’t do it! I know He loves people so much, all people and wants them to be His friend, too. I want Him to have everything He wants and everything/everyone He paid for. So, I tend to think this way in all relationships in my life, even work ones where most people would have people fired. I train them, and just pray for them and build them up as much as I can, telling how their Creator loves them and made them just right. No matter the messes, He can clean and fix anything and anyone.

2. This (#1) means, I hate gossip and do my best to stay away from it. I am even learning to tell people not to finish what they are starting to say. “Wait. Don’t wanna know. So, how is your mother doing today?” Do you know there is a verse that says it is a sin to HEAR gossip? Now this is a hard one. Sometimes I hear it without knowing it is coming. I am praying for a gift of discernment to rest on me so that I can tell before their mouth even opens and derail it.

3. Allergies! And to the darndest things, and so many of them. They seem to increase regularly, and I am pryaing for healing from them all. I am allergic to many foods, and some are considered so healthy and found in so many things! A few are: soy, peanut, sunflower, fish, lettuce (I know, don’t even ask…to bizarre but it causes anaphylaxis so forget it), bleach, amonia, iodine, cats, dogs, horses, many medications-including benedryl fro allergies, pine..actually most growing things, which I love. sigh! I am even allergic to every diabetic medication I have tried so far, so they make my blood sugars go up. This current one is causing my hair to fall out by the handfuls and causing other problems in my health due to allergies.

Did you know that one of the ways to detect a serious allergy is your intense, even uncontrollable craving of the thing? Like, I could eat lettuce many times a day, and wake up wanting a salad or something with lettuce. Try ordering a fiesta salad, hold the lettuce, like at La Comida and see the reaction/response you get. You humble me, Lord!

4. Humor. Okay, how wierd can one person be? Too strange for words, but so much fun!

5. My cat. Yes, she is my quirk. Diane knows this all too well. More than 40 people have offered to pray deliverance for, or prayed for deliverance of, my cat. And, she is still a cat! LOL! She is…well…interesting. Ask those who know. They will tell you. Plus, she is a diabetic! She is on insulin and gets 2 injections a day. All the things I said I would never do…right. I said I wouldn’t keep a mean or destructive animal, get in to medical issues with an animal and spend too much on one. Wrong. I repent for speaking what I didn’t know. She is our Baby. And have I learned patience and forgiveness with this little girl.

6. I like pizza for breakfast, and especially cold. Don’t bug me now, I really like it cold.

7. I love vegetables, walking, swimming and riding my exercise bike. I mean, I really love and enjoy these things and feel so much more alive and energetic when I get to feast like this, whether on food or activity. It is hard to believe when you see how heavy I am.

I am tagging:

binkybaubles.wordpress.com

halogirl1.wordpress.com

http://hightowerfamily.blogspot.com/ 

http://randomsarahp.blogspot.com/

http://kaitlynjoseph.wordpress.com/

http://ourgreatgod.blogspot.com/

Update on my health:

I have good news! I went back to my doctor for a follow – up after some tests and found that, according to ultra sound, my gallbladder is healthy! Yea! No stones, either which is such a relief.

I also found that my kidneys are well and with no stones, my pancreas are well and my stomach area.

The only thing worth mentioning was the liver and it is within normal ranges but not quite as healthy as the rest, so I need to watch the fats and keep eating right and exercising. I was planning to, anyway, so this is no change at all.

My labs were all in excellent levels, with the exception of the blood glucose.

I did show him my legs and ankles, that sort of thing, and the current level of hairloss. He agrees with me that it is time to go off the med I am reacting to so negatively. It isn’t bringing the blood glucose down enough to be worth all this.

I got to start on a new one, to try for now, and he gave me meds for an infection I have had a while, and a couple of other new meds…4 in all. Within 20 minutes of taking the main and most important new med, I had a rash and a few hives, but they did settle down and went away. I was also nauseated, terribly. But I ate some cooked veges and sipped a diet rootbeer and my tummy is settling enough for me to feel like I can make it to work in the morning. Woo-Hoo! This is not a time to be taking unplanned time off.

My sweet heart is scheduled for his hip replacement surgery in a couple of weeks! I have company coming just before that and I am not ready yet, not as much as I had hoped to be at this point. Ugh!

Shalom, ShelleyJo! Shalom!

I am so grateful to God that I am in very good health, except for the blood glucose situation, and I am asking God to bless me on that one. I am expecting the negative effects from the other med to be gone soon. It will be nice to have my ankles back! LOL! Not to mention the party I will have when my hair grows back. ;O)  I can’t tell you how awesome it will be to have relief from all the pain! It has been so very crushing. I find I get fearful that it won’t clear up with the med change. (I am NOT afraid…and won’t give in to that.) I pray it really does all clear away with the changes we are making.

We appreciate the prayers of all who read this. I pray that Gene’ s surgery will go well and that he will recover from surgery quickly and easily. It will be hard for him to come home with a new hip and hike our stairs. I am hoping he can come home as soon as the doctor says, but if not, I hope he can be home from rehab by Christmas. I want him home and us together on Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

You know, I have always realized that I am quite heavy, downright fat and have been for most of my life. I did have seven or eight years of anorexia and was successful in becoming a very small person for those years, but it was not a pleasurable experience at all. (More on that part of my life later.)

The thing is, as I have been preparing to make mini scrapbooks (exploding boxes, actually) for some young neices and nephews, I have realized just what I have been looking like for the past couple of decades, and it makes me cry! It’s downright obscene!

Truly, I don’t feel like I look. I feel healthier than I ever did at a younger age. I feel somewhat heavy but strong in most ways, and very youthful. I shower every single morning, condition my hair, style it, take good care of my skin, that sort of thing.

I feel good. I just don’t have any kind of mental connection with the person staring at me from the photos, especially of the ones I am taking with my camera phone, or other recent ones.

The funny part is that I bruise regularly because I am always feeling like I can fit through spaces I don’t fit through, or try leaping over things that are just a wee bit too high for me.

I have always thought of myself as clumsy, but now I see that the world around me is committing mutiny by tightening in and elevating just as I get there!  ;O)

I look at the pictures and go, what the…?!?!?!?!?!? Who the heck is that?

Well, I am hoping that just seeing these pics will keep me motivated to keep on exercising and eating healthier even when my blood glucose levels come to the desired range. I don’t want to look like this another day. It isn’t me! Really, it isn’t.

All of you who have seen me this way for so many years probably don’t know me, the me in here under all this baggage. It is time to shake free and come out of hiding.

Actually, you know the me that is my personality, but you don’t know what I really look like. I guess it will be an unfolding as it goes along. I know what I feel I look like, the picture in my mind, and I wonder if that is who I will see?

It is a mystery, this journey back to me. I determine to be who I was created to be.

Moooo!

So, here I am, up at 6 on a Saturday, as I have been doing lately. I am glad. I get up at 4:40 every morning for work, then crash on Saturdays. I am trying to not have such a difference in getting up times, and being on new medication helped me today. It requires that I am up by 6, and since I am up, I am awake. That is how it is with me. I am a pillow hugger to the max, but once I am up, I am awake.

I fixed up a yummy hot breakfast, did the dishes and am sipping cocoa while I write. Now this is a Happy Place for me. I love breakfast, and cocoa, and was so sad when I became a diabetic. How to have my cocoa on a chilly morning, or evening with a good book?

Well, I have found 2 diet cocoa mixes I like well enough, Swiss Miss and Nestle. I find that when I put them together, they taste best. One is sweeter and less creamy, the other is creamy and less sweet. The blend is perfect, and makes a tall mug. I use my travel mug and it is just right!

Okay, now I remind myself of Goldilocks…moving on…

I have done blog-surfing and found some wonderful things to read and look at while eating. And am about ready to scrub the kitchen floor and clean up in here.

After I do a few bits of housework, my sister-in-love and I are heading over to Marysville to her favorite scrapbook store (fast becoming mine, too!) and working on Christmas projects. It is called Elliot’s and is a photography shop, too. There is a lovely assortment of papers and little cute things to embellish your pages with. I love their product line. Best of all, they are wonderful people in there. So friendly and helpful when you need it. We will be there for about 3-4 hours, enough time to be worth the drive.

I really have to knuckle down and get these projects done! My sister and her honey are coming to visit in 2 weeks, staying for about 10 days and then they are heading up north to the families these gifts go to! Yikes!

I felt like I had so much time. (laughing here) I am a true procrastinator. I get started on something with a relish, then think, “Oh, I have so much time’ and relax too much. Then the frantic finish. Well, now is the frantic finish!

I am going to finish choosing the photos and yes, getting down to the decision part on which pictures make it in to the boxes. sigh! I want them all!  My plan is to ensure that, eventually, all the kiddos in the family have copies of all the family photos.

So, off to work I go, then on to picking pictures out and getting myself ready to go!

I love these outings. Fun times with Tero. (story on her nick-name to come later)

Well, we had our day out of town. And it was Fun!

This morning, I finished most of what I wanted to do, plus a few other things. I left with clean floors and carpets, clean bathroom and kitchen. Sweet!

I decided to keep calling my friend Danette, who originally wanted to come with us. Her dad is having serious health problems and is in a rehab facility, and step-mom is considering some options that are freaking the family out. So, she said she was going to stay home and try to find a solution. Bad idea. This really means she would be thinking about it all day, upsetting herself and not having a solution, because it is not her decision to make. Input - yes, final answer – no. So, I bugged her a few times. I know she is stressed, upset and needs this time away, and Teri had said it was okay, so I prodded a bit.

She called me back after saying no and asked a few questions, which means she was changing her mind. I talked her into coming and told her to get ready and we would give her time. Then I called Teri.

We picked Danette up at a decent time and headed out of town. We made a stop along the way. I am on a diurhetic, which is pretty self-explanatory.

When we got to Yuba City, we decided to lunch at Red Robin. Did I tell you I LOVE eating at Red Robin? My favorite burger and fries place. Teri and I go there a couple of times a year.

Every time we go there, we end up ordering separately, eating the same thing as each other, and having too much food! So, this time I asked Teri to split the burger with me. The kitchen split it for us, and gave us each fries in our basket…the BEST fries in this area. Danette treated us to drinks, and we had a lemonaid drink with strawberries in it. We had the light lemonaid, so that was do-able on both our plans. That was sweet of Danette, and I know she is on a tight budget too so it was special. Yummy, too! :O) My lunch bill came to just under $5 for the best food in city!

After lunch, we headed over to Elliot’s to choose papers to make our pictures pop, and to work on things as we wanted. We hadn’t realized that the class they were having there today was so huge! At least 20 people, but she encouraged us to come on in and showed us where empty seats were at the work tables. Like she was expecting us and “where had we been”? She herself, the owner and the one teaching the class, told us she had some of the kits for us too (from the class), and gave them to us, along with instructions. I made it clear that we were just there to shop and crop, and hadn’t signed up or paid for the class, but she left them for us at our places before she had to take off. They also added us to the drawing for something they were giving away. They will phone us if we win anything. It was like getting rewarded for getting together to play today! The fun thing was that they had yellow crime scene tape everywhere, and it said “crop Scene Investigation” on it. They had drawings every so often out of the names of the people in the class. They would come on the intercom and say, “Jane Doe, you have committed a crop crime. Come to the front immediately”! So, Jane Doe would go up there and come back with a little prize, which would be something great to add to her project! They even included our names! Too much fun! And it brought some good laughs and a happy feel to the place.

We had a good time, but each of us kind of crashed a bit. Teri had taken a (half) muscle relaxer, I am on new meds and had been up for hours, and Danette was in pain and had taken Ibuprofen. Plus, we had left lunch with very full tummies. We were just too funny for words. We each enjoyed all the colors and prints of papers, and embellishments. Then we each bought a few papers, and I looked through my wonderful photos, some going back to my babyhood. (Some of Diane and Danny!) We were each at a slower pace than usual, but still enjoying ourselves until we bottomed out, which seemed to be simultaneously!

When we left there, we stopped by the Kitchen supply store Danette had wanted to go to. I enjoy these kinds of stores, and can usually hang out in one for a very long time, wanting lots of what I see. But, I didn’t today. She and Teri went in, and Danette got herself a great griddle that sits on the burner. I stayed in the car, veging out. Too much lunch and sitting for this girl!

The ride over was nice, but the ride home was lovely. The breeze was refreshing and the sunset was just beautiful! We were playing Teri’s CD by Selah called Hiding Place. It is one of my favorites and was perfect for the ride. Perky music at times, but also mello at times and easy to chat while listening. Plus, I think it was soothing to raw nerves.

Once we got in Chico, we stopped at Papa Murphy’s for pizza. I wanted to bring one home and toss it in the oven for dinner. It is getting to late to start slicing and dicing fresh food and have my injection in time. Danette got one, too and we took her home. She is going to go have dinner with her dad.

She is a good daughter and is so there for him, for all of her family. It is really heart warming to see such family bond and loyalty.

I came home to a clean house, and now the pizza just came out of the oven. Woo-Hoo!

A good day, in spite of our low energy levels, because we were all at the same level today. That actually is very unusual and made it nice and relaxing. Very low key, but at the same time very enjoyable. And, we broke scenery, which for me can recharge me on its own.

My husband and brother (Teri’s hubby) went fishing today at Horseshoe Lake. They can’t keep the fish they catch there (it is stocked for children) but enjoy the fishing. They both have health problems that give them pain with walking, and this place is on flat land and easily accessible. They enjoyed their day, too and are on a par with each other, like we were. Gene came home and left me a message on my cell that the place looked and smelled great! And, he told me to sit down for this one…

The Snicker’s fairy had slipped in unnoticed and he didn’t want to hurt the fairy’s feelings, so he had to eat it! Poor baby! Too funny.

Now, on to a nice pizza and a relaxing evening with my sweetheart.

Oh my… I can’t believe I forgot to post one of the best parts of the girl’s day out!!!

When the three of us had finished eating our burgers and fries at Red Robin, we went into the ladies room.

Danette and I were at the sink washing our hands and Teri was standing behind us. We were all facing the mirror. (Earlier Teri had watched as I did a quick wash down of the mirror in my bathroom with water and paper towels. I am out of window cleaner.)

So, as I was washing my hands, Teri said, “Why don’t you wash the mirror, Shel”.

I said,”okay!” and splashed some water up on the mirror, which also made the counter a bit wet there. I told Danette about how I cleaned the mirror at home this morning and she said, “that’s okay” and splashed me! That was it…war is on. We were laughing like crazy people and flinging water everywhere in this lovely women’s room that was actually taken care of very nicely. That is, until then.

After we made quite a mess with water wars, I was grabbing for paper towels. The problem was, the dispenser is one of those hand sensor ones, and gives you this little scrap of paper towel with a wave of your hand.

So, I had to wave, tear off, wave, tear off…you get the picture. I finally had this wad of paper and was wiping the sink area madly when am employee came out of a stall and stood back, smiling and waiting to wash her hands!!! Whoo! What a hoot!

I said, “pardon us. We are just trying to clean up a bit after our water fight’ and we laughed all the way out of the place. Too funny.

Oh, yea. And Teri was standing back innocently acting like some kind of grown-up. What the heck is that all about, anyway?

You know, my momma may have been right. You just can’t take me anywhere!

Only some people get the stuff they want.” 

“That’s true. And those are the people who show up to get it.” 

Danette was sharing with me about a book she was given for her birthday, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Hmm. Sounded intriguing. Since I have Barnes and Noble on my cell’s speed dial ( ;O) ), I made a call and found they have a few things by this author.

So, off we went to see what they had. Danette’s copy was a combination book, with 3 different books to make up the set, Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron. It is hard back and a manageable enough size. But, since I tend to carry my tote bag of things-to-do-today, and have my books tucked in it, I was happy enough to buy the first book on it’s own in paperback form.

I have been reading through the long intro and the first chapter. There is a lot to digest.

Now, I will tell you that this woman believes in the Creator, but she also seems to refer to and draw from other religions, especially eastern. Most of you know that Christianity and many other religions just don’t mix well, and some are even diametrically opposed.

However, I learned long ago to take what I want from a book and leave the rest. Different beliefs don’t mean there is nothing redeeming in the content.  It just means I need tokeep my brian on. She doesn’t get pushy at all to believe in God, a certain religion or philosophy. She just puts it in there, which is a good thing.

Personal peeve of mine: hearing people say, “God as you believe him or her to be, named as you believe”, etc. God has a name, and many of them, each with a meaning. He is the One who tells us His names. His names are what introduces us to who He is and what He can do.  It is kind of like me saying, My name is Shelley, yet you insist on calling me Frank because you are more comfortable with guys!

God is real, and Jesus is real. He was a person on earth with a name given by God, Himself! He was definitely in a man’s body. It isn’t up to my comfort zone to determine who or what He is.

Now, if you are not comfortable with God or with Jesus as Creator, then name your own god but don’t call them creator. It would be like me sculpting a fabulous sculpture and you saying it was someone else who did it because you like them better and are uncomfortable with me. You know, taking the credit. Any of us would find this insulting and offensive, but somehow there is this belief that God would be okay with it. Who wants a god you can control and turn into what you want them to be? Why bother having one at all?

On the other hand, I don’t like to just read things that agree with me. I like to be challenged with differences. Keeps me awake and stretched a bit.

I do know God (not that I pretend to know everything about Him). I have a relationship with Him and know Him. I just feel sad when I see people try to “create Him in their own image” or in the image of what they want to believe. When in reality, He created us in His image. When it gets tough to understand Him, they want to make Him something they like or agree with. I can’t really say that it’s okay that others believe this, just that I understand that they don’t know Him yet. I really wish they did. They would know how Awesome He is! He is love.

It appears that the author’s primary focus is not to put opinion on you but rather to let you decide as you go while unblocking your destiny.

I do like that she refers to the Creator, giving him the credit He’s due. And she shares how we are created in His image, which means we are also creative.

Okay, enough of my soap box. I digress, as usual…

This book, so far, is very interesting and is on a subject I need help and understanding in, so it is in my hands in good timing.

It is basically an exercise in unblocking any creative block that is in you, whether or not you are “an artist” or think of yourself as creative. We are made by a Creator, and made in His image, so therefore, by design we are also creative in some way, every one of us.

It isn’t about a specific kind of creative art form, but rather about being who you are designed to be.

The first assignment in ”unblocking” is to start writing morning pages, 3 pages first thing every morning and say whatever rolls out of you. Just empty it out, no matter what it is. Then put them in an envelope and don’t read them for a awhile.

This is to empty out whatever is in there jamming you up. I have been very surprised at what ends up coming out of me. It is never what I think I am going to monolog on. “Stuff” starts coming up and out and I am surprised every time!

The next assignment is to have an artist’s date with yourself every week, for at least 2 hours. This is to put the good, creative stuff back in to the place you have been emptying. To re-fill your creative gas tank. When you pour it out in creativity, you empty your tank, so it needs to be re-filled.

The artist’s date is to be time spent alone, doing something to feed the creative side, and can be what you want.

I was watching a movie I like on TV and only caught the last half, so the next day, Sunday I watched again, but had already missed the first third or so again. Too funny! 

I realized when I was watching the second time that Gene had not been in the room either time, and was sleeping. I was alone! Even though I hadn’t left home, it was my first artist’s date! I was very tired from the long and happy day on Saturday, so this was perfect and unexpected.

This movie is called Take the Lead. Antonio Banderas is the main character, a dance teacher. He takes on this group of detention students in a rough neighborhood and starts to teach them ballroom dancing. This movie is filled with dancing, music, and lots of laughs, plus a little romance (not to mention the good looking lead-man). It is a real life story about a man named Pierre Doulaine.

I love dance, movement, music, color, language, accents, humor, romance, all of that. This was creative fuel and filling my tank. Another thing I enjoy a lot is listening for, and reading great quotes. This movie has several. I will share a couple with you here. One speaks to something that emptied out on my pages, so it was good timing to watch the movie afterward.

1. The teen, Rock says, “One day I’ll have a place like this. Real clean.” Pierre says, “You can get whatever you want, Rock.” Rock: “Only some people get the stuff they want.” Pierre: “That’s true. And those are the people who show up to get it.”

2. Pierre: “The man leads. It is the woman’s job to follow.” Lorette: “Oh, so if he leads, then he’s gonna think he’s boss?” Pierre: “No, but he’s not! You see, the man proposes the step. It is the woman’s choice to accept by following. Now, to follow takes as much strength as to lead. Okay? Good.”

Thus ended my first Artist’s Date, and many written pages. I tend to write pages when it suits me, which tends to be afternoon or evening. I want to get to where I get up and do them like she suggests. I am sure there is a reason you are to do them as soon as you get up. Probably to not have anything to edit your words before they come out, but mine just roll out of me anyway.

The thing is, I already get up at 4:40 in the morning just to get ready and get to work on time. Ugh! Hard enough as it is, and to get up 20 minutes earlier is not something I am quick to do. So, I just got started when I wanted to.. If I waited until I would get up earlier, I wouldn’t have even started at all.

I am a procrastinator. I am even blogging on the morning pages rather than writing them! Now THAT is what I am talking about.

I can see where this book is almost like having counseling or therapy or something, too. Opens you right up. I pray before I embark on my daily journey/adventure and invite God to join me. He is my counselor, after all!

Thanks, Laurel for giving Danette this book. Thanks,  Danette for sharing your book with me and giving me the financial freedom to purchase one for myself. The gas card saved me enough money to get this book, and I am enjoying it very much. You are a gem.

I recommend this book.

I copied this story from a blog by Sara Stolpp. I like it too well to not have a copy, and I want Diane to see this tonight, no matter where she is looking! Diane, honey, this one is for you and there is nothing better that could be said for you right now, so here is Sara’s blog to you! We love you, sweetie and you are not forgotten tonight. Now go read this on Sara’s beautiful website! It looks lovelier there. ShelleyJo

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen . The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfilment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree’s life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfilment of your fall. Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don’t judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time.

I got this little story in an email from my mom and it made me think of one person, my best friend Diane. She is going through a hard season, one that has lasted a long time and I hope this story gives her some hope for her future. This season too shall pass and without going through it you won’t know the beauty that is the future. Life without pain will be that much sweeter having known something different. You will come out of this more stronger, more humble, more empathetic and more thankful for life! I hope tomorrow marks the end of this season in your life and I pray that God delivers you into more fruitful seasons! I love you!

posted by Sara on Nov 19, 2008

I am sitting here at just past 6:00 a.m., and praying for my young friend. Today is another surgery day for her, and this one is critical because it actually offers her hope to have her freedom from pain.

I have known her her entire life, literally. You see, her mommy and I went to high school together. I had moved up from a city to a little olive-growing town and … well…let’s just say that wasn’t a good season for me.

The one who is to have surgery left me a comment to a blog. She referred to those days and said, “who knew it would turn into this?”

That is exactly what I have been thinking as I follow her blogs, and those of a few of her friends. You see, she had these overnight parties on occasion. Translation, mommy stayed up all night to watch over the girls.

I am not sure if there was a time when I wasn’t there, but I do know there were several all-nighters when I came over to bolster up the mommy, play games, help where I could and keep her awake. ( Not to mention being the occasional entertainment factory. I did love freaking the girls out in the night.)

That was the guise. I didn’t have my own kiddos, so I had to borrow the ones I knew (still do). I loved watching these girls over the years. Sara (the bestest) was one of those girls. I wanted to see who she would turn out to be, too but didn’t think I would have the chance.

And now, I am blogging along with them, reading their stories and seeing their pictures, their family pictures and seeing how their own men and children are coming along. Too amazing! Who knew where it would all take us?

During those years I had some serious physical conditions of my own. They were not exactly what this one is going through, but her mom and I had some similar issues to hers, as well as other stuff and we have gone through the years of procedures to try to bring relief, the years of pain, the years of it seeming like no one understands or cares what you are going through. It is pretty overwhelming and can be so devastating. When you add a bad relationship, other pain, or family problems to it…well it seems like way too much!

In my case, I needed surgery for over a decade before I got help. The main line I heard from the doctors was, “You are female. You are supposed to have pain. This is normal.” I was treated like a baby and not taken seriously. I learned to just bolster up and keep going.

I kept trying to tell them it wasn’t normal for a 20-30-something to be incontinent on such a regular basis that she has to carry a backpack with a change of clothes and walk a mall with restrooms at each end just to take her daily walk! Or to walk like you have a cob up your booty!

Speaking of this, one of my more clear memories (who could forget it?) was at a local mall that doesn’t exist as it was anymore. I had walked the mall, and um, “didn’t make it” on time. So, here I am in this wonderful handicapped stall (Don’t tell me I wasn’t handi-capped at the time people!), and it had its own sink in it. I am washing up and changing and starting to feel like a human, though humiliated as usual. Then, when I open the stall door to walk out, I almost bump right in to the mommy and daughter team I am blogging on. How embarassing! Talk about people knowing my dirt. The stories they could tell!  ;O)

It turns out that my situation affected bladder and bowel as well and needed to be dealt with surgically while they were taking care of business, finally.

And the pain? NOT normal. My stuff was aggressive, when it was never supposed to have that characteristic. Even metastacized through walls, tearing me. Which, by the way is what I had been telling them for years it felt like. Plus, it can make you feel like your back is breaking, or like you are being crushed, and the exhaustion is at a level of illness.

So, I get a clue as to what my friend here is going through. I know the desperation that hits you, the pit of despair, the crying out to God and the questions about how much longer you can hold on. I know the lack of understanding of those you love. She may not have the “side issues” I had, but she has the horrific pain (even different than mine), and in a way that has less options for solution.

I know the moment when your desperation to live, not just survive, leads you to make choices to give up all chance for birthing your own child, giving up your own dreams. I know the physical aftermath (as well as mental and emotional) that comes with those choices.

I remember feeling crippled as I showed up for work daily, working with aggressive disabled and mentally ill people. I adored them, but there were days when I thought perhaps I was a sick puppy for being in such a situation. Like, how much pain do you need, stupid? Too funny. You see, these people, and the kids I got to borrow time with, are my great reward and pleasure. It just wasn’t always easy.

The wonderful thing for me was that the surgeries I (finally) had were enough to bring an end to that situation. It hasn’t been enough for this young woman. I am hoping, desperately hoping, that this time, God says, this is it! This is the one that brings an end to your suffering.

I can tell you what I told my friend. Pain has a great purpose in our lives. It works things like humility, grace, compassion and hope in our lives. With it’s relief you learn the promise of an end to hard things and that the future does have promise. You learn to appreciate strength and energy that you took for granted before, and to not be cocky and expect that that IS who you are. You build better character and integrity in your life, and realize how precious relationships are and appreciate them more. You have more patience with others and give them the benefit of the doubt when you don’t understand their suffering, whatever kind it is. You don’t despise weakness, because you know weakness intimately, and you never forget that.

During those years while this young one was growing up, I was in the shape she is in, and her mom was too, in many ways.

It may not seem like it was as bad, but she just loved so deeply that she made it look like less pain. 

She needs crediblity and validation of her suffering, too. One important lesson is this: Pain hurts, suffering makes you suffer. ALL pain and ALL suffering are miserable. We may want to say ours is worse, but it is God who says, enough. It is God who promises ours will never be more than we can handle.

Do you ever see what people go through and wonder how they did it? It wasn’t too much for them, but it might be for you. Others are feeling the same way about your pain. How do you do it?

So, whatever person you see suffering, don’t assume yours is worse, or that theirs is worse. Because God has said He will temper it to us, personally.

This means we don’t get to judge each others’ pain and suffering.

Only He knows the cost, the pain and the heat. It is like a hammer coming down on a sword that has been dipped in fire until it is red hot and weakened, it rests on the anvil (cold, hard place). Like being dipped in fire wasn’t enough heat! Now we are in a cold, hard place, alone and being hammered. But then, if you want to be a great sword, you have to take the fire, and the hammering. Then the chilling and setting. The oil. And with it all, the strength, the sureness, the sharpness, the purpose, the beauty.

Only God gets to say what level of suffering we are at, and when its purpose is done. Oh, and I am learning that the greater pain is not neccessarily your own suffering, but the suffering of those we love. This one’s pain has taken a huge toll on her mommy, who loves her more than her own life.

I pray my young friend gets to say goodbye to her pain this morning. I really do. I’ve been crying for her and her mommy for years. It is time to laugh again with them and rejoice for all God has done. 

Please God, say this season is done and has born it’s fruit. Please. Say, Enough!

Today was a very good day. Recently my bother had to go to the local hospital with congestive heart failure which had flaired up again because his kidneys were not working. He was full of too much fluid. It has been a rough year for him this year, and for the whole family.

Tuesday he had to have surgery to have a dialysis cath put in his heart, and then he waited hours to have the dialysis. It was the first kidney dialysis treatment, so it was a bit nervewracking for him, and for us. It went very well, but took hours! I stayed through it, thinking I could just leave when I needed to. But, he was needing his wife and I to stay through it all, so we did. It was an amazing thing to see.

We were concerned this would mean he had to stay on dialysis treatments, and that would mean he couldn’t return to work, but he did so well after that first one that he may have just one more, or none at all and then get to go back home.

Today, he is alert and happy, doesn’t hurt and I can tell he feels better than he has in a very long time.

My sister-in-love, Teri has been a real trooper, being at the hospital early, staying through the day and into the evening or even night when needed. She is tired though.

So, knowing that her family is gathering for Thanksgiving today, I told her to feel free to go and spend as much of the day as she wanted with them and enjoy herself. Not to worry as I will come and spend the day just hanging out with him and will call her if she is needed.

I spent the morning prepping veges and fruit, that sort of thing so I can just toss salads or meals together quickly for the rest of this week, then I headed on over to visit my brother.

He is doing SO very well. I am happy. This was one of the best Thanksgiving days I can remember. It is funny how tradition and patterns can just change as needed and the change brings you as much happiness as the old ways did! I didn’t need anything as usual. I just wanted to be with him. We watched a marathon of The Closer, which we found out we both really like. We didn’t have to have conversation, or any special thing. He is the special thing. I appreciate his life and the level of health he is in today, this day.

The other blessing about today which was such a gift to us is our friendships. My practically life-long friend Linda had invited my husband, Gene and I over to her new house for Thanksgiving dinner. She had at least 10 people there, family and friends. But I wanted to be with him and my brother today.

When Linda and her daughter, Diane kept telling me they were available to do whatever we need, I finally got brave and asked for dinner-to-go today! I can’t believe I even thought of that, much less asked. In the past I would have thought it brash or brazen. This year, it just sounded good. LOL! Anyway, not only was that fine, but Diane delivered! How many get Thanksgiving dinner (with trimmings and dessert) special delivery?

Diane and her big brother, Danny (visiting home for the holiday) swung by to pick Gene up, and brought him and the dinner with dessert (Apple pie) to the hospital room we were in. They brought pretty Thanksgiving napkins and plastic ware, the works. Too sweet!

It was wonderful to see Danny again. I haven’t seen him at all in a couple of years, and he was busy being in his sister’s wedding then. It had been a couple of years before then, so this was a special treat, like a bonus.

I have been remembering when these kids were tiny. I “babysat” them for a few hours for their mom in between my work shifts. Danny was a tiny little guy, and Diane was a toddler. One day we were at McDonald’s so they could get a coke to sip and play in the play area there. It was bad weather out, but they needed something fun to get away to, so off to McD’s we went.

The two were sitting on a seat in this round thing that twirled in a circle. They were together on one bench on the same side and along came these larger boys. They were bulkier, taller, older and seemed like bullies. They got on, laughed at the kids, jabbed each other then moved to the opposite bench to look the kids in the eye. So I moved closer to see and hear clearly while trying to stay out of the way.

The two older boys started saying things to make the kids feel ’small’, and one said something to Diane, while the other was laughing. It was to make her feel insecure. NOT! They obviously didn’t know this little girl… and they certainly didn’t know her big brother! He put his little arm around her shoulders and told them in no uncertain terms to leave his little sister alone. His words at the end were, this is MY sister! They looked at him like it was a joke, asking what he was ‘going to do about it’. I moved to stand behind him and gave them this look like they were the stupidest kids I had EVER seen, so they looked at him, looked at me, looked at him, then at each other and got off the ride. (I had stepped back considerably so they would pay attention to Danny’s face and realize I wasn’t their threat.) LOL! Now THAT is a big brother for a little blondie, pixie-faced sister, alright. He has always been her best friend and defender. I love them. And these two were our Thanksgiving dinner-delivery team! They stayed and visited a bit, Diane with her big brother, and me with mine and my husband.

Can you even imagine the blessing in this? And, Danny was so kind and friendly to my brother and husband, as well. Very respectful, and fun at the same time. Such good kids…I mean young adults…I mean…oh heck!…kids!!!! Danny and I had a great time deciding to keep in closer touch so we can pick on Diane. She had “the look” I remember so well. Ah, bliss! A total flashback to a happy time.

My husband had a very good visit with my brother after enjoying his dinner and dessert. Then, when he noticed I kept going to the roommate and taking care of him (a senior who is confused and trying to make a break for it – but tethereed to cables, wires and tubing), he started watching over him, going to him and caring for him very gently. It was so sweet to see the happy smile on his face every time he got to help this man. My husband was a CNA for 40 years and cannot work anymore due to his own physical pain, so this was special. He, like me, has always loved his job and loves caring for others.

Overall, from beginning to end, a very special and thankful Thanksgiving. I started the day on facebook listing a few things I was thankful for, and I am finishing this day with my thankful list.

I thank you, Lord my Creator and Savior for: life, for health, for family, for friends, for wonderful food and good plastic containers, tableware, and for pretty napkins.

I thank You for ability to help others-even while needing help ourselves!  I thank you for clean water, heaters, air conditioners, for a job I love and enjoy, for laughter and fun and all the precious people You bring into our lives. And for bringing us into theirs. We all need each other.

I am thankful to be weak enough to realize the depths of love and care in others, and to be on the recieving end. I am thankful to be strong enough to share love and care with others, to be on the giving end.

You are such a great and awesome God! I thank You for YOU! Bless You, Lord!

Hi, everyone!

It has been a while since I have been online, especially taking the time to write a blog!

My brother has been in pretty good health after the kidney dialysis treatment, and didn’t need any more. He has been to prompt care a time or two since then, but is better overall than I have seen in a long time.

My sister, Diana and her husband Fred came to visit. They are here to help through Gene’s surgery time.

My husband, Gene had a hip replacement surgery on December 2 at a hospital in a neighboring town. He did very well, the best I have ever seen through his surgeries, and an even better recovery. It was amazing! When he came home in the evening of the 5th, he was able to walk up the full flight of steps to our apartment without stopping, and using both legs one after the other as normal. He just used a cane for assistance. He moved about the house a lot, with no difficulty. Then, that night as he would get up to use the bathroom, he had a bit of trouble due to darkness and medication. So, I would hear him, get the flashlight and make sure he found the way.

At about 6 in the morning on the 6th, I was finally into a good sleep and didn’t feel the bed move or hear a sound…until the thundering crash, that is. Sickening! I knew instantly what had happened as I was jolted out of a deep sleep. The adrenaline pumping through me made me so nauseous that I was fighting to not be ill as I leaped up and over the bed to my husband’s body lying in the floor.

All I could say was, “Oh, no! Oh, no!” Sure enough, our worst nightmare was happening. He had fallen, and straight on that hip and leg. He hit so hard that Fred ran from the next room once he realized what he had heard. It was so loud that he thought it was a vehicle accident outside!

His right leg was sideways and would not move, no matter what the poor man tried to do. We brought him pillows to prop him so he didn’t have to sit up or lay down. We called 911 and the firemen arrived first, then the EMT. They were good with him, respectful and not forcing anything on him.

I have to say, that when they were moving him to lift him and he was screaming I almost threw up! It was horrifying to see him go through this after such a successful surgery and recovery. I would have cried, but I honestly couldn’t!

At the local hospital, it was agonizingly slow in finding out the damages. I kept praying I was wrong about what I thought. They gave him enough morphine to take the edge off, but it only lasted 10 to 20 minutes. My honey was so sweet and polite to everyone, trying so hard to not moan or cry, cooperating with everything they were asking of him.

Unfortunately, we were way too close to the desk and we were hearing too much of the conversation about his condition. I was handling it pretty well, but it was starting to wear on me. Not only all this trauma, but he is a diabetic, and so am I. Neither of us had food since the night before and the day was wearing long. We hadn’t showered, shampooed, washed faces, brushed teeth, or even put on deoderant and I was feeling it. They wouldn’t let him have water in case a surgery was pending and he was dehydrating badly. I felt so powerless!

After hours had passed, they took him for x-rays and brought him back. Then, we heard the words fracture, and a special orthopedist was called. She took a couple of hours to get there. Fair enough. It was her Saturday off.  I could hear as they were all talking, calling the hospital he had been operated in, arguing, yelling, getting angry, all the pleasant stuff of life in a crisis.

Eventually, a nurse came in. He asked me to come and see the x-rays. I saw all the views and almost vomited, then nearly fainted. I can never faint, no matter what. It looked more impossible than they were saying it was. Horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. They say he had every kind of fracture possible and right around that new prosthesis. I believed it with what I was seeing. In addition to this, they were refusing to admit him or operate. Partly because another surgeon had done the hip replacement, but also they had been saying they just couldn’t do this one.

My Gene was hearing enough of this to ask me if they were going to take his leg and hip off! I said, no. We are going to Feather River Hospital where they give such good care and can handle this. In fairness, the staff were sweet with him, and respectful, but they just didn’t seem to realize what not to say within our hearing or to our faces. They were saying it was hopeless.

I suddenly started crashing like I needed food now. Linda called and I asked her to get me some boiled eggs. LOL! I left and went to get Diana and have Fred sit with Gene while we went to the cafeteria. We walked to the chapel where my brother, Myke and Fred were praying, and I suddenly hit the wall…literally. I had a total meltdown and leaned face first into the wall sobbing, crying so deeply I couldn’t breathe. Not only were my family there to help me, but a young lady who worked where you check into the ER followed us, watching over me. She touched my back and stroked it soothingly and asked if I wanted someone from social services to help me. I must have been a total mess! She was precious and I will not forget her compassion and kindness.

I calmed enough to get to the cafeteria and get boiled eggs and toast. Linda came by and we stopped her from buying them. Bless her heart, she had brought me a diet coke on crushed ice. Thanks Linda!

The wonderful thing was the ones who were with the other patients in the ER. They were telling me how calm I sounded and how it was so obvious that my husband loved me and how sweet he was to me. They told us we changed the atmosphere in there. We heard this from each one of them, which made it more believable. An EMT in training stayed nearby, encouraging me to take care of myself, too and just being sweet and attentive.

We had him ambulanced to Feather River Hospital, where his surgeon’s on-call replacement agreed to see him. That evening, still with no fluid or food, still with his leg sideways, they saw him and the surgeon agreed to do surgery the next day. It was a very long night for us all, after a very long and traumatic day.

The next day, the local hospital sent up needed equipment, and in the evening on Sunday the 7th, he went in for his second surgery. It was only 2 hours long, and was completed with no need for further surgeries. The dynamic of his recovery has changed dramatically now, as a longer pin from the hip joint was put in so they had something to work with to stabilize his leg. The surgeon was brilliant and seemed so calm, like this was no problem at all and he just went in there and did it. All hope and positive, expecting success.

What a difference! So much more peace, no fear, and lots of hope and encouragement. In the one place there was an atmosphere of fear, anger, hopelessness and weariness. In the other, an atmosphere of confidence, peace, hope and strength. In both places we experienced good and caring staff, and I appreciate them all. But the overall atmosphere was completely opposite from one place to another.

So, now we are back in the mode of all day at the hospital, and late nights. This one is going to go long, much longer than we had originally thought. But, he is already having a good sense of humor. They did his blood infusions today and he may be able to sit on the side of the bed and even stand on one leg tomorrow. We will see.

It will be 6 weeks before he can bear weight on that leg now. Everything has changed, but it is not hopeless. Just different. It will be interesting to see how he handles coming upstairs this time. I thought he would be in rehab until after Christmas, but he should be able to come home in a week or so!  :O)

The night before he fell, I was with dear friends worshiping God and praying, having my “tank” filled. I was surrounded with love, gifts, good food and fun. It was so refreshing! God had seen what was coming and took care of me ahead of time, making sure I had what I needed to get through this time. He is so good and faithful! Because of this, I had enough faith, peace and strength to carry me through but also to make a difference for the other people going through their ordeals. I am so glad I know God and have His hope for our lives and future.

The only thing I wanted for Christmas this year was to have him home with me, and healthy. It looks like we have hope for that. What a gift it will be!

                                                                                                    

Just sitting here, taking time to check in on my blog stats, but knowing I “should” be picking up neccessities for my husband and visiting him at the convalescent (rehab) facility he is currently in. I am thinking of how much I have to be thankful for.

I decided to put up another list of my current 10:

I am Thankful for:

1. God , Who is always faithful. There are no circumstances that can change His faithfulness, or diminish His love. He doesn’t have to prove His love, He IS Love! Yet, He does show and prove His love constantly, though He owes me nothing.

2. My husband, Gene. I am thankful for his life, and for his love. He is, at this time, in a convalescent hospital to rehab from broken bones and surgeries. He has worked in this kind of facility for well over 40 years, and knows WAY too much about them, but is pulling up out of his pit, refusing to be kept down and doing all he can to stay mobile and get home. Amazing man!

3. Family. I have a wonderful family who comes running when we are in need. They pay the entire tab just to come and be here with us. I also have family who prays, who checks in on us daily, who send gifts and cards, texts, pictures,  and other various uplifting and encouraging things. My family has an ability to have fun in any situation and to laugh, and that is a huge gift. We know we are wierd, and appreciate that fact more as we age. It is a gift. We just have to forgive and accept each other right where we are, and appreciate our differences…and we are getting there.

4. Friends. My friends are the most amazing bunch of people in the entire world. No matter what is going on in each of our lives, they just keep showing up and loving us. It is as if we are all in this whirlwind together but can still be there with and for each other in the ways we can be at this time. Faithful friends are such a huge gift.

5. My job. I have a great job, one that I enjoy and love doing. I drive bus for adult developmentally disabled people. It is a great job, and fun, too. I can drive the area, see sights, colors, weather patterns, people, development of the area and changes, have fun with my passengers and helpers AND get paid for it! How great is that?!?

6. For health benefits and paid time off. I have had to miss a lot of time this year due to health issues of my own and my family members. I not only had lots of paid time off available, but co-workers and bosses have also contributed some of their paid time off to me! It is a rare thing to have such blessing these days, and to add health insurance, too? A blessing.

7. Food. (and supply) It has been a financially difficult season of life this past 2 years, and yet people keep bringing me food or stocking food up for us. I was just given gift certificates to a local grocery store from co-workers, too so we can get through the next couple of weeks.

8. Telephone and Internet. We were in an embarrassing situation recently where my family was visiting to help us through Gene’s surgery time and witnessed our humiliation. We had calls coming in wanting payment (first time in my life I have experienced that and it was in front of my sister!), and then, in one day both our phone servers and internet server all cut off service. People brought money to help and service was back on in half a day, the same day. One friend came from working in another town to bring cash. How amazing is that?

9. Fuel. Friends and family have filled my car’s gas tank the last 3 fill-ups! My heater is so warm in this very cold week, and my food (and hot cocoa) is hot…all because of fuel! Thank You, Lord for fuel and that I am comforted and comfortable because of it. (It is painful to be cold!) Thank You, Lord for the mobility I have because of fuel in my car’s tank and because my car runs well.

10, which is really #2. Being humbled. It is painful, and downright embarrassing, especially when I have “held it together” for my entire adult life and never had collectors calling, service disconnected, and have powered my way through injury and sickness, etc. Can’t seem to do it anymore.

However, the kindness of others hits a high you can’t realize until you are the one being humbled. It is wonderful to be the one giving, watching over others, helping others in need. It is a whole other thing to be the one who is needy of so much and in so many ways. Hugs are warmer, prayers more precious, money more valuable, food more tasty, the heater warmer, and the list goes on. I am so grateful for EVERYTHING right now, and for EVERYONE! Thank you all so very much for love, support and care. No matter who you are giving it to. When you give to or help one, you are giving to us all.

Hello, all!

It’s been a long while since I have been on, so I thought I would check in and send my love to each of you!

Life is still in whirlwind mode, so I am tucking into the eye of the storm, or at least trying to and focusing on staying there!  So many are in the same place in their own lives and circumstances vary, but we are all going through it to the max for our own lives. So, I keep lifting each of my friends to the Lord as often as I think of you, and I carry you in my heart.

My brother Michael is now on kidney dialysis 3 times each week, and is doing well with it. He has had a couple of surgical procedures to put the catheter in and then to move it and has done well with that, too. One was a yesterday! He came over for a visit afterward. Today, he fell on his face and laid there, was ambulanced to the ER and they spent half a day bringing his blood glucose up from the 33 it was. He is much better now!  (smile)

My youngest brother has been going through some surgeries and medical tests, the tests are coming back with good results. Praise God! A few more to go, and one more surgery and he should be fine.

My step-father went to be with Jesus Saturday morning, and my mom is 82 and lives alone now, so my sister-in-love Teri (Michael’s wife) and I are heading up to be with her Friday night. We should get there at about 1 Saturday morning, funeral is Saturday, then home Saturday night.

My insurance company has decided to not cover my most important med, which was actually working and not giving me allergic reactions. It is $229 per fill, 2 times a month, so I am not doing that one now.

My dear hubby, Gene is home from the hospital and rehab! He came home so quickly. He was home Monday morning and made it upstairs alright. He is wheelchair bound, no weight-bearing on that leg, so it is getting interesting around here. His chair doesn’t fit through all doorways, one of which will remain nameless. ;O) Instead of discussing the fine details of our world right now, I thought I would list my 10 daily positives for this moment in time:

Shelley’s 10 Daily Positive Things:

1. Praise God! Gene is home! He came home in 28 days, and wasn’t to be released for at minimum of 34 more days! Originally, he was to be there for 100+ days, so this is a miracle and praise. And, I realised he was hospitalized for 50 days, which is usually significant for a cleansing season and receiving direction in the Word of God. I wonder . . . ?

2. I know God and am known by Him, personally! How do people make it without knowing Him, without knowing that He knows them, every detail and cares so much for us? What a HUGE blessing!

3. The Bible in audio on my Mp3 player. A co-worker who doesn’t listen to it took the care to purchase the Mp3 for me and rip a large portion of scripture on it. It is done in a very nice, male voice, not too dramatic and not boring. I am loving listening to it. Plus, the added bonus of her finding  some Christian music I knew nothing about and ripping that on it, too. And, there is some Latino music on there which I play for my Hispanic passenger. He loves it. Another friend just gave me the New Testament on Mp3 CD, so I will be able to have the whole New Testament now, too!

4. Tangible gifts of love from friends and co-workers. Money gifts to help pay bills, gift cards for groceries and fuel, food gifts, donated hours for paid time off, presents, clothes. Amazing! I am in a crushingly tight time, but have needs met and enough to share or just simply pass on to others! Mind blowing!

5. I am rich in love. I have so many who care for me, more than I even knew! I knew already that I am well-loved, but this is boggling…to everything! Not just mind, but body, spirit and soul, too. I am so well-loved, and so is my husband. Thanks to those who visited him in his “bondage” and for those who also brought him cooked meals and goodies. :O)  Thanks, Mykie for visiting Gene every day. It gave us both a gift.

6. People who visit facilities and sing Christmas carols. While my Gene was in the hospital, after each surgery, there were groups of men who came to sing carols and they were wonderful! My husband had tears each time and got into a wheelchair to watch them. Each time they sang Silent Night, or Angels We Have Heard on High, he would weep. It was precious. In the convalescent (rehab) facility, a couple of church groups came. Each time they would stop by his room door, they would be singing one of those two songs! He would weep, but be so deeply touched. Poor guy didn’t stand a chance to look macho. Thanks to everyone who blesses the people with their time and voices. It blesses us all!

7. Donated blood. My husband needed 6 units in 2 days after the second surgery. If I understand correctly, the body only has 5 units in it at a time, so he lost more than he had to lose. Because of someone’s generosity and thought, he was given enough to bring him to health and strength enough to continue on to rehab and to home. Thanks, doners, whoever you are.

8. Good spaghetti, and my brother who gave me enough to freeze some. It has saved me tonight from the awful meal I had purchased. Thanks, Mykie!

9. My wonderful job. I love and enjoy my job, and appreciate it more every day as others are struggling to find work. I have less hours than I did, but it is enough to keep going, and it is a very enjoyable job, with wonderful staff and delightful people to serve. I can see the lovely scenery, and drive the storms and God always brings me home safely.

10. For Teri’s car being in good enough condition to take us to Alturas for the funeral and a mommy visit. I haven’t seen her in perhaps a year now, so it is wonderful! It is a mountainous drive, but the weather is good so the roads should be good\.  It is good to know the car is up to it. And, for Teri who is as exhausted as I am, but is willing to take me there after an evening of Aglow worship and hearing my dear friend speak. I can’t wait for that, too! Woo-Hoo! God is good. All the time.

Thanks, Diane for reminding me that I even have a blog! smile

I haven’t written in a very long time. So long, in fact that I had to work to remember my username and password! But, finally I remembered the right combination and am allowed into my own site. woo-hoo!

I am jotting this, hopefully quickly enough to shower and get to worship tonight. I really feel the need for corporate worship with the gals. Oh! And Gene is coming, too! He has been coming to church every Sunday for a couple of months now and loving it! And, he wanted to come tonight to our girlie group.  :O)

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A lot has taken place in our lives since I last wrote, and I don’t even know where to begin. My sweetheart had fallen after his hip replacement and he broke his leg. After another surgery, he “did time” in the rehab section of Twin Oaks.

It was rough on both of us. He was certain I was going to leave him there! Seriously. I couldn’t even believe it.  How can he ever think, after 29 full years together, that I would  just take the first opportunity to abandon him?

He even thought I would stop coming by to visit him as soon as he got in there, even though I was there for hours every night after a long work day! Nothing, and no one seemed to be able to shake him from this conviction. (Or was it simply just fear? – understandable since he worked about 40 years in convalescent care, and he has seen plenty of abandonment there.)

Which leads me to question: How much do we ever truly know a person, including those we live with and share our “deepest feelings and thoughts” with?

Can we ever truly know each other, or be known by any other but God?

And, if he doesn’t know me any better than this, or other things that have shown up since that traumatic event, then how well do I really know him?

Am I as lacking in understanding and knowledge of who he really is as he seems to be of me?

I realized as I typed the above statement of the things he believes of me, that it still stings. Quite a lot, actually. And, as I have had so much time at home lately (another blog to come), I actually feel the pain and sorrow of it more, as if it has gone deeper with more time spent together. Or is it just that other avenues of  ‘being me’ are closed now, and what has been lurking in me all along is now “feel-able”? I have a sense that this is it.

And soon, another round to get through. He is scheduled for another hip-replacement surgery in November.

Perhaps that is why I can’t seem to “kick free” of this last one. I know another one is looming on the horizon. I don’t have any anticipation of harm, at least none that I know of. I don’t think he is going to have another fall like that, just because it happened last time. We have learned a lot from this experience. Lots of what not to do, what to do differently, what works, that sort of thing.

No, it’s more of a weariness of the things that come with surgical experiences. Things said, attitudes, confinement, the drugs, the anesthesia, and the personality changes that come with them, the lack of sleep, rest and fun…the exhaustion…for both of us.  Though we have so many dear family and friends loving us through, so it seems silly to have pain or sorrow over it.

Until now, I have never felt this tired and sad about it all, and it catches me off guard. I will go through whatever comes our way together with him, as long as we live, as much as I am able. That conviction is rising in me now, even as I write.

I am as sure as I am writing this that I am ready to do whatever he needs to be healthy and live a full, long life.

No matter how much thoughts hit me that I just can’t or don’t want to do this any more, the thoughts are liars. As soon as something, anything, hits we both rise up and just do what we need to do. And we are both very thankful people for life, and for the health and the soundness of mind we both have. Many people are left with less mental faculties after so much, but God has blessed us tremendously. And my man always rises up in physical strength as well, working out or doing whatever he needs to recover.

Each surgery, each injury, each illness just takes it’s toll, I guess. Even as I sit here, I am overcome with tears, but he is more healthy and strong than he has been since winter.

So, what is my deal? What’s with all of this?

Perhaps it is what I am noticing now. That we both have less patience with each other, less ability to communicate. It is like, there is an automatic assumption that whatever I say or do will somehow be lacking. Lacking love or understanding, lacking in kindness or perhaps even a desire to be there. And perhaps I automatically assume he is critical or nagging?

How can you live with someone so long and they don’t know or believe that you want the best for them?

 Especially when the thing that resonates through your being is loving one another, loving your neighbor, bringing love and care to every avenue of your life?

How can this be? It feels like such utter failure. Failure to live a life of love. When all that has mattered to me, personally in my faith-life is just exactly this…LOVE.

You see, I understand the stuff of real love, the love God instills in us. Love is patient, kind, etc. Love is what remains when the rubber meets the road, when it is tough, smelly, and not the least bit lovely at all. Love endures nasty moods, hurtful words, physical changes, everything. And nothing, nothing can kill it completely. Love will always forgive, bless, hope for the best for someone no matter what has been done or said. Love hopes believes for a better time. Love endures whatever it must to survive. Love  is not afraid. Love is never conditional. Now, there are times that love actually has to let go, even walk away (abuse, unfaithfulness, etc.) but this is not what I am talking about here.

I know that many times we are called and placed in circumstances to love in the face of hate. I know that in my life I have loved and cared for many who did all they could to push me away, and in some cases to hurt me just because they could.

I also know that no matter what anyone thinks or what I feel, it doesn’t change the fact that love given is love given. And, love remains. So, the fact that I feel this way and am grappling with all of this doesn’t negate the years of love and faithfulness our marriage has prospered in. No. Not at all.

I am just left with many questions, not the least of which is this, “Do I really know my own husband?” “Does he really know me?” Do we filter everything through our own assumptions and experiences, seeing or hearing things through a “veil” or fog? Have we missed it somewhere?

In actuality, rising up from some deep place in my center, is the absolute “knowing” that my husband loves me and that he knows I love him and care about him.

And yet, I am left with questions and grief (about lots of things and relationships in my life), and feel compelled to ask many questions. (Of course, I should add into perspective here that I am now 51, and my husband is nearly 71. Perhaps it is a stage in life?)

So the biggest question of this many-questioned blog is this, have I gotten any of it right? Ever?

Because surely, if love is genuine and given enough, the recipient should know it in the depths of their core. Even if the mind goes, and people are no longer recognizable, love itself should always be recognizable. Shouldn’t it?

A quick note to update on our kitty, Baby.

As many who know us are already aware, our Baby has been having some serious health issues and we have nearly lost her on a weekly basis now for quite some time.

Last night, after being lavished on with love and strength by God at our Aglow meeting, I came home and noticed Baby was alright enough but not as well as when I left. After some hours, I noticed her just wandering aimlessly…like a searching and not finding kind of wandering. Knowing what this means, I checked her blood sugar levels and they were 27. So, Karo Syrup time for us once again. Eye dropper, Karo, cup of water…here we go for hours. No response at all this time.

The wandering turned into trying to crawl into dark, private places, like looking for somewhere to be alone to die.

I knew in my heart that this time is it. I know better than to say it. But he caught it. Finally, Gene started crying and said I should call the humane society and see if they will take care of her. Relief and sadness. He has not been able to let her go. I don’t want to, but she doesn’t want to stay anymore. She is tired.

I began to understand what some of my grief and sorrow was about yesterday (all month really). He knew this as much as I and reacted with irritation, and kind of accusing attitude over anything. I was feeling grief and loss, but didn’t connect it to this. Neither one of us had our brain on what was really going on. It was a “spirit knowing”, the kind you get inside you but your brain hasn’t gotten the message about what it is.

Well, my honey is out with my brother, grabbing some smokes and hopefully trying to eat something. I will make that call in a moment here and then Teri and I will make that drive.

Helping our Baby through the Portal. It is her time to go. And we need to let her, for her own sake.

As I sit here, reflecting on the past several months, I am amazed at the goodness of God. Just amazed.

First, I will explain for any who do not know about our cat. Samantha, aka: Baby was adopted from our local humane society when she was about 7 months old. She was a long, sleek, all-black, short-hair cat with a Siamese face and features. Definitely with Siamese temperament. She had pure yellow eyes. Striking.

I had a sense, a feeling in my gut that I should not bring this cat home. I can’t explain it. Nothing was wrong with her. Just a gut feeling. But then, my honey held her and she licked his face. They both looked at me and he said, she kissed me! I shook my head and told him of my feeling. I told him that every time I ignore or neglect these feelings I regret it.

 She stuck her little pink tongue out at me. Literally! Not the “stupid” cat tongue thing where they forget to pull it in. Then she turned and licked his face several more times, like she was timid and afraid to die. That was it. We owned a cat. She then gave me that look that said she was number one woman and stuck her tongue out at me again!

First the fees, then the vet fees, then the “fix-what-ain’t-broken mandatory surgery, then the shots, the treatments for eye and ear stuff. And let’s not forget the apartment pet deposit. sigh. The special cat carrier, the special bowls that were weighted just right for her. The special litter pan with the lid,  for her royal hiney’s privacy, and the list goes on.

Oh, and they were sorry she was going to people with no children because she was so good with children! They didn’t think we were right for her.

When we brought her home, Gene had her on his lap out on the patio for bonding time while he smoked, and I told him he needed to think of a name for her. He said she had a name. I said, “I am not going to open the door and call out for Oprah!” Sorry. Not happening.

He chose the name Samantha. Of course I looked at this black cat remembered  the “bewitched” character from my childhood TV memories. I thought, “this cannot be good”.  

He began to converse with her, calling her Baby, and himself daddy, and I was, of course “mean mummy”. I told him, I will not be called mommy or mummy to a cat, and you are not her daddy. uh-huh. right. I held my ground for one whole day. After so much Baby and “tell mummy” conversation had gone on in this short space of time, I found myself saying, “go back and tell daddy…” arrrgh! And that was it. sigh

Then on to the real adventure.

It turns out that after the destruction of all our new furnishings ($800 mattress set, sofa and matching recliner, etc), our drapes and much clothing, not to mention the perpetually slashed, bruised and bleeding skin, I came to a decision and wasn’t budging. (Mind you, this decision was after a full year of having the little darling.) She was to have those front claws out or move to another family with children to eat…I mean… to love.

The vet didn’t want to take claws out at the age of 1 and a half, but because it was that or she’d be given up he agreed. We almost lost her over that surgery. It took her over a month to come out of her deep depression. And, as hard as her tantrums and destructive attacks could be, it seemed as if we had broken her spirit, which I really couldn’t bear at all. That is, until she recovered.

Then, one day she was back to her original self. The behavior continued, with her sharpening her claw-sheathes on the serrated knob that turns off the toilet water, and using them on us. Too funny. And, she sharpened her teeth to be like new-kitty teeth. Not so funny.

Anyway, round we went for years. In the midst of this, and very quickly actually, we learned that they (kitty prison guards) had been lied to. This little girl h-a-t-e-s children. No exageration. She will hiss, growl, spit, fluff herself, swat at and finally attack if they do not leave her alone. Did I already mention that when she bites, she strikes like a snake?

So, no children allowed in this house. (Upstairs apartment so she is indoors all the time, which she had been before we got her.) Did I mention that I love kids, and they love Gene tremendously? Life-change for us, and not one I was alright with.

Oh, the tantrums!

Seriously. I have been for years a behavioral instructor while working with developmentally disabled adults with behavioral problems. I tried everything on this cat. I read all the cat books that Costco and Barnes and Noble would stock. I took everyone-with-a-cat’s advice and tried it. Desperately trying to deal with her tantrums. Honestly, I thought she was completely possessed. And so did pretty much everyone who met her during those years.

There was one time when she went into a tantrum-to-beat-all-tantrums (before the de-clawing). I have never seen anything like it. Ever! After several hours (they usually lasted about 2 hours), she was literally insane and not even slowing down.

I was done. So very done and was sitting on the couch in a catatonic- like state, staring at the wall in front of me, trying to not drool and to keep breathing. (Her trigger was that I took a curtain down that needed replacing, and it had been perfectly shredded by her, thank you!)

(Insert here: I had taken a class one evening on making rafia grass floral arrangements. They were quite popular then. And since I didn’t realize I was seriously allergic to the products I used, I hung the thing right where it would greet me as I walked in the door. It was lovely. Braided rafia grass, with peat moss on it and silk flowers decorating it on the top and bottom, with a french blue paper bow and tails and wonderfully fragrant. Sweet!)

Now, back to the tantrum…                                                                                                                                                               

… about 3 to 3 and a half  hours into this tantrum, our little darling went into a full run,  leapt into the rafia “thing” hanging in the entry way and began to swing on it. I am not kidding here, people. She swung the thing out toward the living room while it hung precariously on it’s lone hook at the top. She was facing me across the room and screamed! Yes, she did. Mouth open and all. Then it swung back to the other side of it’s original location, and she bounced off that wall and came back this way again! She swung out to face me and screamed again! Meoooowwww!!!!! Now, this happened repeatedly while I sat on the couch and just stared at her, slack-jawed, in shock. I realized my lack of reaction was amping her up, but I just couldn’t react. More destruction followed of course, and I shed even more blood than I had earlier.

Have I told you about her physical blows? She would hit you, strike you with her front paws and they would leave large, very dark and sore bruises on you. It is one of the reasons I insisted the claws come out of the front. She would puncture me with those claws on a hard strike and I ended up at the doctor for treatment a few times. Even with them out, the bruising would be deep, dark and painful.

Poor little darling! Daddy couldn’t bear to let her go. No way! Who on earth would take her and keep her? He knew her life was at stake if she left us. I knew ours was if we kept her. But, alas. My weakness for my honey prevailed.

Which leads to the next thing…I had long ago become woman number two in this man’s life…I think at the kitty-jail where we picked her up before we left with her. We actually had one of our first marital disputes over this! Way too funny now. Not so funny then.

Another dispute, a huge one actually came up many years later when we found out that my second most severe allergy tested to be cats!

Umm…you notice that we kept her until today, right? After that last fight, I had to come to terms with our situation. If I decided to keep her, I would not mention anything to my husband about it again. If not, I knew it would break him (and possibly us). Silly as it seems, I came to a realization that day that this was truth. Not rational, but true. He had some loves-lost in his life. Family ones. And he put all of his affection in those days into this cat. Like a transfer in his time of brokenness, from them to her. In the name of love for him and our covenant vows together, I set myself to embrace our owning of this kitty.

Our baby was re-named many times over by so many other people. One of my favorite of her names has to be the one Maribel dubbed her with, “Cujo Kitty”. 

 And a safe estimate of how many people have anointed her with oil, holy water, laid hands on her and prayed for deliverance over her, as well as blessing and all that goes with it…would have to be about 40. Or perhaps 100 people, including me. Who knows anymore?  And, amazingly after all of this, she is STILL a cat!

I am happy to report that she went from being a cat who attacked with any sound of worship music or prayers uttered, to being a cat who trotted behind me in worship-dance and who pressed into my hands while I prayed. She would press her face or head right under my hand and press herself up to me in an embrace and stay there through the prayers. When I prayed for someone and wept, she would come and lick my face. sigh of relief here.  There was fruit to the love-sacrifice after all. Yes, there was.

Honestly, I think the main lesson learned here has to be that I have no control over anything or anyone, and I am not supposed to. I had to learn how to not take control, to stop trying to make something happen that wasn’t going to happen, and just pray and make peace in our home. Not keep peace, make peace. There is a difference.

Trying to make someone or something behave as you want them to does not make for genuine peace, anyway.

I have learned this on the job, as well as in life with nephews and other children. Of course, boundaries and respect are good. Not the same as control. This cat brought out more of the need-to-control in me than any child, or any person I served  (or co-worker) at work ever has.

So, I confess to you that most lessons learned in this decade and a half relationship were mine.

I know this sounds too wild to be true, and downright crazy of us, but anyone who really knows us will tell you this story is true.

And much too long for one blog. More to follow…

This morning, Gene and I went to church and were almost on time! Woo-Hoo! Getting better, people.

We had a special guest speaker today. He was someone I have wanted to meet, or at least hear in person for a very long time. He was “an original” in this church we are attending, decades ago during the Hippee era/Jesus movement. I have enjoyed the worship songs he has written for years, and have heard a tape of him that a friend has. His name is Bob Kilpatrick.

The wonderful thing about the believers that came to know Jesus during that era is that they are so quick to believe and understand God’s mercy and grace, and are so able to accept His love.

This lovely man played his guitar and led worship with us, and it was precious, from the heart, and at times fun and funny. What a blessing in itself. I “felt done” just from worship, like the message was complete.

But, I know that worship is only a beginning and the main course is the breaking open of bread, the Word of God. So, I sat expectant of the next course.

He began to share from his early days as a believer, and addressed some of the issues I am facing now. It was all stuff I knew already, and most of us who love God know these things. But, the way he presented the truth was fresh. And the perspective was also fresh. It broke open this bread in a way that went straight in, past the brain and brought life to my spirit again. It was like a breath of fresh air that I have been needing but couldn’t seem to get. Such a relief.

I am hoping they copied this message so I can rip it to my mp3 player and listen to it over and over. I want to share some things he said here, but want to get it right.

One thing was emphasized in his message, and that is that God is an artist. We tend to think of Him in terms of math and science, when His Own first statement was that He created. He was introducing Himself to us as an artist.

It is not about the debit list, and the credit list. How many sins I’ve committed vs. how much good I’ve done, or how much I have gotten right. How many times has He had to give grace, like somehow He is giving out rations.

He refered to something I have said over the years, and that is how we in America see God like Santa God. We give him our lists of what we want, and we think He has a list and checks it twice to see if we’ve been naughty or nice. It is a debit/credit list, and we are always trying to balance the list or scale so we are alright enough.

He also mentioned that we try to fix ourselves. The whole self-help thing, like we can have a solution to our problem. We see sin as a problem and want the solution. We see ourselves as a problem when we are “bad” and want to be “solved”, as in math. He said, God is not a solver of problems, but an artist. He referenced the scripture in Isaiah where it refers to God as the potter, and we are the clay.

As an artist, you know that you are the one who does the work. For example: this man is a musician and writer. When he is writing a song, and has a couple of lines down and walks away it is not like the song adds more lines while he is gone. He doesn’t come back, see new lines he didn’t write and say, wow! More lines have been written and they are really good! No. It waits for him to write more. He is the one creating, and the peace he is creating doesn’t do any of it.

The key role for the piece in this process is to submit to the artist and the process.

It is the same with us. We are His masterpiece, His workmanship. And He is the artist making us complete and perfect. It is not up to us to try to perfect ourselves or make ourselves right. It is not up to us to “get it right”. It is up to Him to get us finished and right.

Our role is to submit to the process, and to surrender completely to the Artist. I surrender all…  the old hymn says it all. In this surrendering is our part.

Whatever He wants, He gets. And what he wants doesn’t always make sense to us. His ways are not our ways, they are high above our ways.

But what about the verse saying to work out your own salvation in fear and trembling? I am thinking here about the scriptures that reveal that there will be those who have labored much, and even having great spiritual giftings and miracles with results! And then Jesus sends them away because He never knew them!

This is key: it isn’t about the labor. It is about the relationship between the Creator and his creation.

And we can’t have relationship if we don’t know we are loved as we are. Nothing about us surprises Him or catches Him off guard. Why do we get so surprised by our own shortcomings? Because we think we have come farther along than we have! Or because others think well of us. Or, we don’t know what’s lurking in us and it blows us out of the water when it surfaces.

But He already knows everything and isn’t upset about it at all. He is just waiting for us to realize it and submit it to Him so He can complete the work in just the right time!

This man, himself has done nothing but go where God sends him and obey with his entire life. This message isn’t to negate the “working out our faith”, but to work it out in surrender, trust and love.

There is a scripture that has terrified me since childhood. It is the one that says we will give an account of very idle word we speak. (Yes, being so verbal and wordy, this would frighten me, wouldn’t it?) We have been taught for generations to see this as judgement from the math sense of things. (I am still uncomfortable thinking of it in other terms.) Make sure the debit list of good words is large and the credit list of words we should never have uttered is non-existant or we will suffer consequences.

He says that God as artist is simply wanting to know the material He is working with, and is it (pottery)ready to withstand the heat of the firing?

So, what gets blurted out when we are not our best, or not with people we behave better with, the things we say without thinking during the course of our days…these are the things that show what our material is, and whether there are things within it that can cause ruin before it is finished. He can examine those words that are coming from our true selves, the one part of us He is concerned with, and determine whether or not we are ready for the heat, or whatever stage of creation this piece is at. He used as an example the story of the statue of David fashioned by Michaelangelo, and the vein running through that marble that made it nearly impossible to work with without destroying the material.

So, rather than being ready to be judged for every word we say, we should realize our Creator is concerned with the state or condition of our material and that He is simply wanting to make us perfect.

Sure does shoot down the striving part of us, doesn’t it? I am thinking of my earlier blog where I ask so many questions. Questions like, have I ever gotten anything right? Does anything I have done matter?

 These kinds of questions, which rolled out of me while tired, hurt and grieving really show that I still have in me that doctrine that I must behave right and be perfect for my life to have an impact for good.

Is it an impurity in me that shows mixture? If I am saved by grace, and not by works, then how can I keep my salvation by works? I have always said this. And yet, the proof is in my own words and questions. I have deep within me this belief that I can somehow solve the problem that is me. It was a relief to hear such a sweet interpretation of a hard verse, and to be reminded of what I already know. God is good. God is not bad. Ever. He is not mean. He is not tired of me, nor has He given up on me. His plans for me are good. And He is able to make me into someone He is pleased with.

It is not up to me to “get it right” or “do” anything to be a vessel for honor.

All I have to do is choose to surrender to Him and to His hand, and agree with Him that He is in control and does the work. (The scripture says, choose to be a vessel for honor or dishonor.) I just let Him chisel away until the masterpiece is finished to His satisfaction. This does mean that I must choose to, and agree to sit under His hand and be still.

And this is the hard part for many of us.

It isn’t about not doing anything, or not caring if you do it well. His word says, whatever you do, do it with all your might. Sometimes, we just do something because it needs doing. But, there are times when you are set aside, like pottery is shelved for a season to dry before firing, or after glazing.

And sometimes, we are doing what we shouldn’t be. He has another plan, and it isn’t always about us.

(I had to be unseated from a longtime job because it was time. But I wouldn’t just walk away without another job available, so I was put in this position of “resting under His hand” by being laid off. It doesn’t seem practical at all, not working. I find I can’t cope well with it. I don’t know how to not work. Truly. It is foreign to me. Perhaps this is why this message is so ”on time” for me.)

This man said that what God wants is to display us in Heaven as His beautiful masterpieces. What a concept! That is His goal in our lives. To display us and show us off as beautiful and complete works of art.

I have always quoted the scripture, “He is faithful to complete the work He has begun in you.”

Hmmm. If I’ve really got that, as well as the verses about His plans being “to prosper and not to harm us, to give us a future and a hope” deep in my heart,  then why do I still feel as if I need to somehow perform enough? Or feel that I haven’t?

I am reminded of my favorite line in the book, Sisterchicks in Wooden Shoes by Robin Jones Gunn. First line of this quote: ”There is a difference for me between memorizing something and really holding on to it in my heart.” The next line is a woman’s response to that, “Ah, you want to own the truth and not just rent the words.”

It is time for me to own the truth, “God is the artist who is forming me into His masterpiece. It is not up to me to help Him or do His job. It is not up to me to “get it right”. His plans for me are good, and any chiseling away at my material, any chipping or hammering, no matter who it is by (what they say or how they treat me), is simply His way of perfecting me so He can show me off when I get Home.

Awesome. Simply awesome.

Since my verbosity has been showing to the extreme here recently, I thought I would post a brief one. Yes, it’s true. I CAN do it!!!

I want to share about my friend, Diane’s sewing project, and encourage you to go to her site at http://thedianestory.wordpress.com and view the pictures of it.

It is darling and she did a very good job with the help and instruction of a friend of hers. I love how her blog about this, and the link below it show the generosity and sharing among friends. This just touches my heart to see the young adults being so kind to each other and enjoying each other’s company in this simple way.

I enjoy the colors of her project and how she shares where she got the fabrics for it.

Great job, Diane! I am so proud of you!

You make me want to sew again…and I wasn’t great at it to start with.  (Though my mom did up my grade to a C on one project/disaster in high school!)     :O)   Thank you, Mommy!

I just want to share how we are doing since I had to take our kitty for her last ride Saturday.

At first, it seemed as if my honey was starting to blame me, even though he gave the word that it was time, and it was. But, he just couldn’t deal with anyone for a day or two. It is better now.

My poor honey. He is missing her more than I am, because besides being his girl, she was his friend and confidant. This has become more of a close bond in the past couple of years since he can no longer work, and has been in recovery most of the time. This put him home a lot, and she was here during those hours I was at work or out and about doing errands, or whatever.

Last evening, while we were on a ride he started to say he was over Baby, and started to cry. He was crying and trying to say, “just a minute”. It was so sweet, almost funny if it wasn’t so sad for him. After crying he was saying it wasn’t as bad and he hadn’t cried as much that day. sigh!

This afternoon I laid down to rest a bit. I had a headache and hadn’t slept enough. He came back, lay next to me and started to rest. He was being so sweet and chatting like we used to before all this hit.

Then, about 10 minutes after being quiet he just sat bolt-upright on the side of the bed, started wiping his eyes and after a few minutes began to sob. He sobbed so hard I thought he might hurl. I was rubbing his back and he was rocking back and forth, and at times bending forward or sideways and groaning. It was gutwrenching,  for both of us. But, he let me be there and touch him, which was an improvement from the past few days.

He finally said, “I miss Baby so much.” I told him I understand, and that I do too. I said I might not show it in the same way, but I feel it, too. This seemed to open him up. He talked about the worst of it being when we first come in the door. I said that is when it hits me, the most, too. She always greeted us at the door and wouldn’t leave until she knew everyone was in. Especially after the number of times we would leave and come back without him (surgeries, injuries, etc.). She began to watch for him and make sure he was coming, even if it took him 10 minutes to get upstairs from the carport.

So, we just lay next to each other and shared and cried. He thought it was ridiculous and silly of him because he hadn’t cried like this when his folks, first wife, and others had died. I told him this is different. She has been his daily companion during his roughest seasons.

Also, he even talked to her to tell me things, so she was the way he dealt with people and communicating.

It is a new and unique season for us with me being unemployed for the first time in my adult life. Not to mention how much time we have together now.

He talked about getting another kitty, and I was honest with him, but gentle. I think it is time for us to be a couple communicating with each other without “help”, and to get the bills caught up, not have vet and pet costs (Baby was in insulin, etc), deal with his pending hip replacement, my job-searching, etc.

I also felt it was time to be honest and tell him about a “kitty offer” we had yesterday. A dear friend called and told me the humane society was having a 2-for-1 sale through this month. I knew that. But, she is on to some new babies that are chocolate point Siamese. They cost more, but since there are two it would be half cost. Her husband wants the male because he is more spicy in personality. The female could go to us, and she is more docile. We are too spoiled on our terrorist-baby, and docile would seem boring to us… I think.

But, I have to tell you it is even more tempting for me than for him. Having been in the humane society Saturday and seeing all the kitties in there, then hearing about this. Oh, man! I have always favored the Siamese, and chocolate points are fabulous!!!

By now he was lying with his head on my shoulder and his face in my neck and resting peacefully.

I told him about the mom and kitten team I had met in kitty-prison Saturday. The young one may have been 3 months or so, and both mom and baby were a lovely grey, with white here and there. They both had the same white swirl around one thigh. They were shorthairs and just lovely. The baby was loving and outgoing. They hadn’t been in lock-up as long since they didn’t have the depressed and rejected/abandon expression in their eyes yet as the others did. The little one kept trying to get into my arms. It was a hard thing to leave. With the special, I could have taken both home. But then the expense of keeping and caring for 2 would have come with them.

I had Teri, my champion and determined coach with me, reminding me it is time for me to take care of me. I heard the chant regularly, “Just say no!”.  (smile)  Thanks, Teri! I needed you and you were there. You saved me from my mercy/compassion gifts. It was tough, but we did it.

But, I shared how important I think it is to heal completely from this loss before we try to plug that hole. No other creature can fill it, and distracting ourselves from the loss is not as healthy as mourning the loss and healing.

He was fine with this for now, but is just so lonely for her at times. Me, too. I shared that I find myself sliding my feet on the carpet so I won’t step on her, topping his water glass off for her on the table, hearing paper-shuffling that sounds like her, and cat-meowing makes me want to find her. I think I will see her on his lap in his recliner as he “watches” TV (dozing slack-jawed withthe remote in his hand), but most often I find I start to give her a nip of what I am fixing for dinner or breakfast and catch myself. I am watching to see if he puts his plate on the floor after a meal for her one day.

We are getting through, and truthfully better than I thought. But we have a ways to go. I am so glad he is sharing  his feelings with me this time, and not shutting me out or being tough.

It is the right season in her life, as well as ours for her to go. Ultimately, it will feel right for us to be on our own, too.

Perhaps down the road we will have another baby, but not too soon. I need to see if cleaning cat hair, dander and the litter pan from this place will help me feel healthier. We will see. If not, then I am completely open when the budget is better. The funny thing is, I really want a chocolate point Siamese, but the offer just comes too soon. Perhaps in time…

A while back a fun little ditty went around my friend group on Facebook. If you participated in it, you were to do it, too. Sometimes I enjoy these things, but usually I participate because I love the people sending them on.

This one was something I actually wanted to respond to. It was an idea that I thought was unique for this sort of thing, and wonderful! It wasn’t as self-focused as so many of these forwards are, you know…the questions about me, everything about me kind of thing.

Truthfully, the name was something different when I got it, but I changed it to the above because it reminded me of one of my favorite movies, Pay It Forward.

You copy the post and paste it into your own note, then the first 5 people who read it, want to participate and respond to it get something that you make just for them. You have 9 months to get it made and to them, and there are no promises of what it might be, just that it was made by you and just for them.

The catch is that they must also post the same note and instructions and make something for the first 5 who respond to theirs. In this way, we each are making some things for others, and making sure they get them, but we are not the ones who get something back from them. It is “paid forward” from them to others.

 Not only this, but the gift multiplies! For each one you give to, there are an additional 5 recipients of gifts, so 30 to start with, plus their 30 each, and on it goes.

I had great response in just a few hours, and had to cut it off within 24 hours! A couple from out of town even made sure I had their addresses within one day! (smile!)

I am sitting here thinking of the people I am committed to, and realizing that time is ticking by.

I am thinking of what to make for each one of them. I truly want to make something different for each one. I can’t get bogged down with big, extravagant gifts, or gifts that take a large chunk of time. And yet, I want to make something that will either mean something to the recipient, or something that will be useable to them. I don’t want to add to their clutter of things they never really wanted or needed.

The wonderful thing for me is that I have a lot of craft supplies available in my own home, and I have a few artistic and creative talents, enough to accomplish this project anyway.

So, do I sketch for one? Write a poem, song or short story for someone? I haven’t done that in years!  

Do I bead for another? Do I crochet for another, and knit for another? For the ones who live in my town, should I bake or cook for them, or give them something lasting? Perhaps a personal recipe book, or…oh! I could make the food and then give the recipe with it! Should I show up and clean? Or even cook their meal, serve it AND clean up afterward? Perhaps a framed photo they may not have yet? Hmmm…

What do you think?

Hmmm… Fun just thinking about it, but I need to make some choices.

I was honestly excited to do this when it came around, and had some great ideas for each person. I am still excited about this, but wish I had written those ideas down!

Ideas, anyone?

Does this sound like fun to you, too? It sure makes me smile!

 

Here is a copy of the note I received so you can see how it was worded, in case you want to do this yourself!  ;O)

 

Wednesday, March 18, 2009    5:55  in the evenin’

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations so please read carefully:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
- What I create will be just for you.
- It’ll be done this year (2009).
- You have no clue what it’s going to be. It will be something made in the real world and not something over the Internet. It may be a mixed CD. It may be a collage or fur sculpture. I may draw or paint something.

- Who knows? Not you, that’s for sure! [not me either, yet]
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
- Obviously, you have to be willing to provide me an address, unless we live really close to each other.

Here’s the fine print:

In return, all you need to do is post this text into a note of your own and make 5 things, one each for 5 others.

Ready… GO!

Mom’s Fantabulous Cinnamon Rolls

Mom’s Fantabulous Cinnamon Rolls!

Time again to share a favorite recipe, this one is a longtime family favorite.

 
DOUGH                                      FILLING                                FROSTING
 
Yeast—1 pkg, dry               butter, soft—3/4 C       cream cheese—1 8oz. pkg
water—1/4 C, warm          brown sugar–1 1/4 C    powdered sugar–1 lb.
crisco–2/3 C                        cinnamon–2 Tbsp          vanilla–1 tsp
sugar—1/2 C, (scant 1/3 C)  raisins–3/4 C
potatoes, mashed–1 C
milk, scalded–1 C
eggs, well-beaten–2
flour—6-7 C
salt—1 tsp
 
 
Dissolve yeast in warm water. In a separate bowl, add crisco, sugar, salt and mashed potatoes to scalded milk. When cool, add yeast. Mix thoroughly and add eggs. Stir in enough flour to make a stiff dough. Put in refrigerator for several hours or overnight. When ready to make dough, punch down and bench rest for 10 min. Turn dough out onto lightly floured board and roll into 12″x18″ rectangle. Spread butter onto dough.
 
Combine cinnamon and brown sugar, and sprinkle on dough. Sprinkle with raisins. Roll jelly-roll fashion starting at long side. Pinch seams together to seal. Cut into 1 1/2″ slices and place cut side down in greased 9″x13″ pan. Using a fork, gently lift center of rolls to form a peak. Cover and let rise in a warm place, about 40 min. Bake @ 350 degrees for about 30 min or lightly browned.
 
frosting–combine ingredients, mix well. Spread over warm cinnamon rolls.

Mom (Lois Champe)

 
Recipe originated from Aunt Charlotte. Don’t know if mom changed it before we got this recipe or not. She never does things as written, and hers is always best!

 Diana loved them when mom made them for her. Diana has made them as written, and also made some changes as follows:
 
Diana’s changes:
Uses brown sugar Splenda
Uses only 2 cups powdered sugar
Adds pecans

 

 

 

 

 

 

My nephew, Diana’s firstborn son Fred Michael Boehnke.

Diana is going to try it with whole wheat flour. My recommendation would be to sub only 1/2 the flour as wheat so it will be elastic enough to rise and be soft, and to use a refined white looking wheat flour like King Arthur’s. It looks fine like white flour.
 
Enjoy!
ShelleyJo

And yes, I do see the words bench rest in this. LOL! We just write it as we get it, okay? Any questions will have to be asked of my mommy.   ;O)

Diane (thedianestory.wordpress.com) originally did this post as a note on Facebook, but thought it would be fun to put on her blog. She tagged me. Let’s make this a blogging MEME. Do this MEME and then tag your friends.

15 Books That Changed Your Life

Rules:

Just list 15 books you’ve read that will always stick with you that somehow helped shape who you are today and how you think. Tag 5 friends, or as many as you want.

(To do this, copy these rules, type a new blog, and then tag five friends to do this MEME too.) Let’s learn a little bit more about our blogging friends! 

     1. The Bible

     2. Fire of Delayed Answers – Bob Sorge

     3. The Hidden Power of Prayer and Fasting, by Mahesh Chavda

     4. In His Steps – Charles M. Sheldon   ( I read this as a child. Mom had it on her bookshelf as we grew up.)

     5. My Savior, My Friend - Kay Arthur

     6. On Writing, A Memoir of the Craft - Stephen King

     7. Fasting – Jentezen Franklin

     8. Prayer -  Richard Foster

     9. The Final Quest – Rick Joyner

    10.  Lord, Is It Warfare? Teach Me To Stand – Kay Arthur

    11. A Wrinkle In Time – Madeleine L’Engle (My sister read this to us at least yearly as we grew up.)

    12. You Are Not What You Weigh – Lisa Bevere

    13. Breaking Intimidation, How to Overcome Fear – John Bevere

    14. Intercessory Prayer – How God Can Use Your Prayer to Move Heaven and Earth – Dutch Sheets

    15. Some of the Ways of God In  Healing, how to get answers and direction when you are suffering -  Joy Dawson     

   Bonus: The Hiding Place – Corrie Ten Boom (read in high school and changed me forever, as did the books on the underground railroad.)   

   Bonus 2: The old, thick, grey book on mom’s shelf, 101 poems, or something like that. I read it a lot, starting in grammar school. It had The Raven and the Hellbound Train poems in it. My fav forever!)

Too bad it is so late in summer now. We could have a summer reading club, and read the books on our friends’ lists.

I used to go to the library in the summer as a child. They had a reading club there. A few days a week a woman would read aloud and show the pages as she read. The alternate days, you could come and sit for hours, reading books. I loved that so much.

My sister always read to us. And because of her I learned about the library. I credit her for my love of reading. Otherwise, I may never have appreciated the treasures on those old pages.

Of course, as I typed this list, I was immediately reminded of so many more great books, but these impacted me in some way that has always lasted over the years.

I hope you read some of them.

I have had the greatest struggle with my weight this past 2 years. I have struggled with the weight issue my entire life, from both aspects. Usually too fat, but for more than 5 years I was anorexic, severely so and very, very small. (And very, very unhealthy.) I believe much of my current health issues stem from those anorexic years as much as from the too-heavy years.

This past few months, it has been especially difficult. I don’t know if it is unemployment with less activity, depression, the higher blood glucose levels, the lack of funds, or all of the above? But for some reason, my weight not only would not come down at all, it has gone up. I have also struggled with some health issues causing swollen joints, puffyness, and etc. ugh! Makes it horrifying to even look in a mirror or at a picture of myself.

My diabetes medications make me feel very ill. Truly. I can only take one of the oral pill type and if I take it twice a day as prescribed, I can’t even leave the house I get so ill. And, the injectable med (not insulin) that I take also makes me ill and causes welts, rashes and hives. Plus my belly gets bigger with these. Pretty miserable overall.

I haven’t had health insurance for about 2 months now, so I cut out those bg meds, and took my other ones every other day for a while to make them last. I have been very careful with my eating and nutrition since I dropped the meds, cooking more fresh foods and got more active. I gained even more weight! And, was exhausted and swollen anyway.

A couple of weeks ago, I started really checking my blood glucose, I mean like you are supposed to throughout the day. (I’d been sparing on the test strips, too.) Shockingly high for me! So, I knuckled down and started taking both blood glucose meds twice daily, cooked and ate as right as I can while feeling so very ill and sleeping the day away. Up all night, down off and on during the day. sigh.

9 days ago, I weighed myself and was frustrated. So very frustrated! The meds weren’t working to bring bg level down, cooking, eating right, my bike riding and video I exercise to wasn’t having any effect at all. (They always work for me.) I had even gained more weight! So very depressing.

This evening, 9 days later, I remembered my friend, Suzanne’s words a few days back. She said I looked like I had lost weight. I said, no. She said my pants used to be tighter. I thought, no they have just lost their shape as they do when they are this old. And I brushed it off.

Tonight, after my shower at 9 p.m. I remembered her words. I got the scale out, took a breath and stepped on it. I have lost 18 lbs in 9 days! (Now, I know that it is not healthy to continue at that rate, but it is a happy spot, anyway.) Something is working! (Happy dance here!)

Then, I came in and checked my bg level and it was 103! Both numbers were the lowest they have been for me in over 6 months, quite possibly all year! And, to have it be so low at 9 p.m. was just awesome! Clappy hands! Clappy hands! Yay!!!

I am realistic. I know this won’t and shouldn’t continue at this rate, but at least it has budged and I have hope again. Scripture says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”, and mine has been sick for quite some time in several areas of life. This has brought up my hope barometer considerably.

At my age, I MUST get this excess weight off. I just have to. And now I am starting to feel the possibility again…and without ridiculous maneuvers like anorexia, pills or …well, you know…just plain dumb stuff.

Thank you Craig for praying for my hope to increase. I have needed it. Your prayer is being answered.

A couple of nights ago I made an unscheduled stop at a couple of my best friends’ house to pick up a mini-loaf of some homemade banana bread. Thanks, Diane!

                                                                  

While I was there, Linda brought out some brand new PJ bottoms, with the tag still on them, unfolded them so I could see the size and asked if I wanted them? They were too big for her, and were my size, a 2x.

They are made of a lovely fabric, not too heavy and with a kind of wild print. Nothing that my skin would react to and I was ecstatic.

They shared that Linda was going to put them in Good Will, and Diane suggested they see if they fit me.

What they didn’t know was that the very same morning, I thought about getting a pair of those jammy bottoms that people wear all day for lounging pants. They look so comfy and I’ve  have never had them.

My legs and feet get so cold these days that they actually turn blue! (I am a person who is usually too warm, so this is fairly new.) And, I have had a lot of pain in my ankles and knees lately. Problem is, I don’t have spare cash to spend on anything like this right now.

So I just thought it, forgot it, and didn’t even ask God for it.

And here, the same day I am given that same kind of jammy bottoms, so new the tag is on! I came right home and put them on. Great fit! Loose enough to be jammies and loungers. Fit enough to tighten the waist tie and not lose them.  :O)     Oh, so comfy!

   I love my jammies!                            

                                                               Hard to take phone pix of pants you are wearing!

If I hadn’t recently lost the 18 lbs, I couldn’t have fit the waist and hips, but here they are, slightly loose!

What I quickly discovered is that they keep my legs and knees warm enough to cut down the level of pain I had been in…almost completely. Yet, lightweight enough for summer comfort. Sweet!

It is a gift from my dear friend, and from the thought of her dear daughter. It is also a gift from Our Great God, who knew what I wanted and gave it to me without me even asking.

We enjoyed the fresh banana bread and some yummy peanut butter fudge for my happy husband, too! He says you make great fudge, Diane!

This was not a Pay-It-Forward Creatively gift (see post), as I am paying it forward to Diane! This is a Pay-It -Back gift, before I have even paid it forward.

Nice Bonus!

Thanks, Linda and Diane. I love you to the moon and  back!  ;O)