I have had the greatest struggle with my weight this past 2 years. I have struggled with the weight issue my entire life, from both aspects. Usually too fat, but for more than 5 years I was anorexic, severely so and very, very small. (And very, very unhealthy.) I believe much of my current health issues stem from those anorexic years as much as from the too-heavy years.
This past few months, it has been especially difficult. I don’t know if it is unemployment with less activity, depression, the higher blood glucose levels, the lack of funds, or all of the above? But for some reason, my weight not only would not come down at all, it has gone up. I have also struggled with some health issues causing swollen joints, puffyness, and etc. ugh! Makes it horrifying to even look in a mirror or at a picture of myself.
My diabetes medications make me feel very ill. Truly. I can only take one of the oral pill type and if I take it twice a day as prescribed, I can’t even leave the house I get so ill. And, the injectable med (not insulin) that I take also makes me ill and causes welts, rashes and hives. Plus my belly gets bigger with these. Pretty miserable overall.
I haven’t had health insurance for about 2 months now, so I cut out those bg meds, and took my other ones every other day for a while to make them last. I have been very careful with my eating and nutrition since I dropped the meds, cooking more fresh foods and got more active. I gained even more weight! And, was exhausted and swollen anyway.
A couple of weeks ago, I started really checking my blood glucose, I mean like you are supposed to throughout the day. (I’d been sparing on the test strips, too.) Shockingly high for me! So, I knuckled down and started taking both blood glucose meds twice daily, cooked and ate as right as I can while feeling so very ill and sleeping the day away. Up all night, down off and on during the day. sigh.
9 days ago, I weighed myself and was frustrated. So very frustrated! The meds weren’t working to bring bg level down, cooking, eating right, my bike riding and video I exercise to wasn’t having any effect at all. (They always work for me.) I had even gained more weight! So very depressing.
This evening, 9 days later, I remembered my friend, Suzanne’s words a few days back. She said I looked like I had lost weight. I said, no. She said my pants used to be tighter. I thought, no they have just lost their shape as they do when they are this old. And I brushed it off.
Tonight, after my shower at 9 p.m. I remembered her words. I got the scale out, took a breath and stepped on it. I have lost 18 lbs in 9 days! (Now, I know that it is not healthy to continue at that rate, but it is a happy spot, anyway.) Something is working! (Happy dance here!)
Then, I came in and checked my bg level and it was 103! Both numbers were the lowest they have been for me in over 6 months, quite possibly all year! And, to have it be so low at 9 p.m. was just awesome! Clappy hands! Clappy hands! Yay!!!
I am realistic. I know this won’t and shouldn’t continue at this rate, but at least it has budged and I have hope again. Scripture says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”, and mine has been sick for quite some time in several areas of life. This has brought up my hope barometer considerably.
At my age, I MUST get this excess weight off. I just have to. And now I am starting to feel the possibility again…and without ridiculous maneuvers like anorexia, pills or …well, you know…just plain dumb stuff.
Thank you Craig for praying for my hope to increase. I have needed it. Your prayer is being answered.