I have not felt up to writing or blogging for so long (just over a year), and have stared at blank pages so often I quit showing up. Then, today I was responding to a post of a dear friend, thedianestory.wordpress.com, and realized about half way through that I was writing a blog. Too funny! I have decided to post it as a blog, with a few minor changes.
– All references to He (capitalized) is God.
Sweetie, I find myself in a similar revelation (again, and at 54), that in my most broken place I am right where He wants me. I think this is because when we are in Him, and less of our “selves” (you know…our personal strengths and talents, are showing) this is where He wants us. I don’t think it is about our circumstances at all, but about our relationship, our loss of self-ability, our character. It is what goes to heaven to live with Him forever, so it matters most. Who we are. That is what matters. And, when we are so “in Him”, even out of desperation, we are right where He wants us.
Remember Carman? He intro’s a song by saying, “What are you doing under the circumstances? Get out of there!” And then he sings, “God don’t care what the circumstance, He just wants your faith and trust in Him.”
He does care about our circumstances, but wants us to care about Him and trust Him with the circumstances. About the time we think we have gone through enough and gotten this one, here comes another, deeper layer. And we are good for it. Because He says so.
I kept thinking I was surely hitting the bottom of the bottom of the bottom this year, over and over I lay there waiting to hit. Then one day I got it! The scripture that says, “and underneath are the Everlasting Arms”, the song, “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms”, the scripture that says, “between His shoulders”. I understood them. But now I KNOW them! I never hit bottom! Because underneath ME are the Everlasting arms, cradling me, bringing me up to His heart, holding me between His shoulders. I am not only leaning on the Everlasting Arms, but resting in them.
Activity is neccessary (as in scripture when Rebecca watered the camels) when it is time, but Mary rested at His feet and listened to Him, heard His heart-beat, learned of Him. And He said that was the better choice. Mary surely did stuff, too, but knew when to stop and rest, not needing to work for approval or to be defined by service.
Jesus’ mother, Mary pondered in her heart, quietly and privately, keeping things to herself and not making anything happen that was promised. She left it to God to make things happen, no matter what it translated into in her life. She didn’t try to fix anything or make it more comfortable. She didn’t try to please to her herself, her parents, the people in her community, or her community of faith.
When we go through the seasons we find ourselves in, we come out KNOWING deeply, experiencing – and even deeper than experience – just knowing-that-we-know with greater faith, trust and rest.
Keep on, honey. You are not alone. So many are being fired together, though differently/personally, and will come out shining brightly and fired in strength for what we were made to be. (see blog on Forged in Fire and Hammered)
I love you always.
(Did I just write a blog? I haven’t felt up to it! This is hilarious!)